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Thread: Jokes-!

  1. #1
    Marine Family Free Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Novi, Michigan


    Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enou gh to talk to God.
    >>Looking up, he asks the Lord. . . "God, what does a million years mean to
    >>The Lord replies, "A minute."
    >>Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
    >>The Lord replies, "A penny."
    >>Smith asks," Can I have a penny?"
    >>The Lord replies, "In a minute".
    >>A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me.
    >>Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, She
    >>sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I
    >>should do?"
    >>"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me,
    >>exactly where is Larry's bar?"
    >>An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has
    >>been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says "Maybe, but you
    >>will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on
    >>The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
    >>John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last request,
    >>dear," he said.
    >>"Of course, John, " his wife said softly.
    >>"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob."
    >>"But I thought you hated Bob," she said.
    >>With his last breath John said, "I do!"
    >>A man picks up a young woman in a bar and convinces her to come back to
    >>hi s hotel.
    >>When they are relaxing afterwards, he asks, "Am I the first man you ever
    >>made love to?"
    >>She looks at him thoughtfully for a second before replying. "You might
    >>be," she says. "Your face looks familiar."
    >>A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I
    >>have to talk to you about it."
    >>The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
    >>The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
    >>The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
    >>The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me,
    >>what should I do?"
    >>The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I
    >>can find out and I'll let you know."
    >>A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your
    >>wife. I sp oke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"
    >>The man said yes and the Rabbi! replied, "Take the poison."

  2. #2
    this goes in the chuckles of the day thread cadetat6, even though they aren't that funny.

  3. #3
    Placing in for cadetat6.....

    was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely
    >>ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out
    >>line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the
    >>cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked
    >>sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?" Wouldn't it be great
    >>if that happened more often?!!!
    >>Because they had no reserv ations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor
    >>and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. "Young
    >>man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may not have 45
    >>minutes." They were seated immediately.
    >>The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that they would
    >>hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.
    >>All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the
    >>aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her
    >>father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews
    >>responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her
    >>father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.
    >>Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and
    >>get used to the idea.
    >>Three friends from the local congregation were asked "When you're in your
    >>casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what
    >>would you like them to say? "
    >>Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a Fine
    >>spiritual leader, and a great family man."
    >>Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and
    >>servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."
    >>Don said: "I'd like them to say, "Look, he's moving!"

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