01-31-2005

The Last Dance at ‘Mortaritaville’



By Nathaniel R. Helms



War is hell, and combat is a mike-foxtrot, but doing without the salsa may be the straw that broke the camel’s back for our soldiers and airmen laboring under the blazing sun in northern Iraq.



It all happened on Jan. 13, when a mob of lust-swollen warriors, apparently aroused by decadent nighttime rhythms throbbing in the sultry desert air, went on a promiscuous rampage at the camp’s Morale, Welfare, and Recreational (MWR) facility during “theme dancing night.”



The popular weekly diversion has drawn as many as 2,000 participants a week and has been an anticipated feature for more than a year, according to official sources. On Jan. 13, a date that will live in infamy, more than 3,000 had signed up to boogie the night away, according to MWR officials at Logistics Base Anaconda.



“Military police and courtesy patrols were also used to ensure participants maintained their military bearing while dancing,” said Lt. Col. Albert Edwards, the post’s MWR director from the 301st Area Support Group, according to an article (.pdf) in the base newspaper, The Anaconda Times. “However, these efforts failed to have an affect on the inappropriate behavior, leading to the decision to cancel themed music nights and dancing.” The decision was apparently a total bummer for all hands.



The report in the Times on Jan. 23, which proclaims itself as “Proudly Serving Logistics Support Area Anaconda” in northern Iraq, revealed that senior commanders at Iraq’s largest logistical support facility banned the suggestive salsa, and no doubt the tantalizing marimba, the funky chicken, the ol’ in-and-out, and all other forms of lets-rub-it-up-against-each other sorts of displays “prejudicial to the good order and discipline” of the camp. It was a cruel blow indeed to soldiers who face death and destruction by day and look forward to themed dancing by night at Camp Anaconda. Apparently the commanders were justified. It seems there was entirely too much “physical contact between people,” MWR officials said.



Such a powerful strike to restore the good order and discipline of our service members deserved a closer look, so DefenseWatch wasted no time delving into the lurid details of those deceitful displays of languid flesh detected by the senior commanders charged with protecting America’s youth from such immoral activities. Our investigation determined the big bases’ senior commanders had no choice but to stamp out the burgeoning sin city before it became the epicenter of a plague of virulent lust.



Anaconda and nearby Balad Airbase are located in Northern Iraq approximately 68 kilometers north of Baghdad. Balad Airbase is one of the largest airbases in Iraq and occupies a 25-square-kilometer site surrounded by a 20-kilometer security perimeter. It was built by Yugoslavian contractors some time prior to 1985 and sports a pair of roughly two-mile long runways that are capable of supporting every aircraft in the U.S. Air Force inventory, according to GlobalSecurity.org.



But LSA Anaconda is much more than a party town. It’s also a war zone!



On Oct. 11 2004, The Baltimore Sun published a story that characterized Camp Anaconda as a place where “thousands of soldiers and contractors who suffer daily mortar and rocket attacks have another name for it: ‘Mortaritaville.’ Reporter Tom Bowman said that at least “a half-dozen soldiers and contractors have been killed and nearly 100 wounded here since April. There have been about two attacks a day since July. Three weeks ago, a young airman lost both legs and his right hand when a mortar shell slammed into the base.”



Right away, alarm bells started going off. Daily mortar and rocket attacks, killed and maimed Americans, two attacks a day since July! Wow! That place endures some heavy combat. One would think that would put the dancers off if for no other reason than self-preservation. Wrong!



Some folks at Camp Anaconda took umbrage with Mr. Bowman’s characterization of their home away from home and wrote quite a few letters to the European Stars & Stripes, which had picked up on the tome, complaining that the story was just a case of another civilian reporter jumping to conclusions.



Master Sgt. Darrell E. Weaver, of the Logistics Support Area Anaconda, Iraq, didn’t even like the name “Mortaritaville,” which this writer thinks is kind of snappy. He told the Stars & Stripes that calling it so was a “misnomer.”


“Anaconda is a good base and will continue to develop into a great garrison environment. If units will stay in their lane and do their mission, then the base will improve and the surrounding areas will come to enjoy the prosperity from having this large base here,” Weaver said.



Of course that was before the salsa was banned on grounds that such dirty dancing was undermining the good order and discipline of the command. There is a good chance the good sergeant might say “mortars, shmorters, we want to salsa” if anybody would ask him now.

Air Force Staff Sgt. Jason M.J. Stewart, stationed at nearby Balad Airbase, completely disagreed with Master Sgt. Weaver’s assessment. One can only speculate that perhaps Stewart never got to go to theme dance night and his complaint may just have been a case of sour grapes. Regardless, he told the Stars & Stripes that the guy who wrote that attacks around Balad and Anaconda were “low key” should “check his stats, because it is a fact that Anaconda/Balad is the most frequently attacked base not only in Iraq, but the entire area of responsibility as reported by www.globalsecurity.org.”

If Stewart is right, it begs the question of what just the hell anybody in their right mind was doing hosting theme dance night in the first place? For that matter, what the hell was anybody doing that they had any energy to do the salsa after a hard day in the hot sun supporting the folks getting the crap shot out of them 10 or 15 klicks away?



Salsa is not the only burning issue. There are several others dogging the troops down in the dregs at Camp Anaconda dreaming of the days they were pressing flesh at theme dance night. Sometimes they get locked down too. And sometimes the base restaurants don’t have any ice cream.



There are even reports that the duty is so tough the guys is Kuwait and Qatar drawing combat pay should be ashamed of themselves for complaining how rough they have it (see “Locked down in Kuwait,” letters section, *European Stars & Stripes, Nov. 27, 2004).



One guy stationed in Iraq really let them have it in a responding letter to Stars & Stripes following the brouhaha over the Mortaritaville tagging of Camp Anaconda:

“ ‘Locked down in Kuwait’ (Nov. 27) was the last straw. What the writer and past writers fail to recognize is that they are not on a vacation. In case they haven’t looked at their leave and earning statements lately, they are receiving combat zone pay and benefits. Just a few hundred miles north of them, their fellow soldiers are not worried about not being allowed to eat at McDonald’s; they are worried about whether they will live to eat another meal.”

“I have been to camps in Kuwait, and every one that I have passed through had at least one major franchised restaurant. At forward operating bases in Iraq, we consider ourselves lucky to get one or two hot meals a day, even when it was ‘cooked’ in a mobile kitchen trailer.”

No doubt that fella has never been to Camp Anaconda. If he had he would have mentioned the lack of theme dancing night as well. Sometimes war really is hell. Just ask the Marines and soldiers at Fallujah.

Ellie