The Jokes Thread - Page 3
Create Post
Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 31 to 45 of 54
  1. #31
    A group of women was sitting having coffee at a friend's house and started talking about the position of sex determines what you will have, one said "it the man is on top. it will be a boy and one other said that if the man is on the bottom it will be a girl. another woman started to cry and screamed, ohhhh! I going to have puppies...


  2. #32
    Quote Originally Posted by irpat54 View Post
    I'm going to have puppies...
    True story, happened to me.




  3. #33
    Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.


    *of course I'm not referring to your lovely mother, Pat




  4. #34
    One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
    asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
    from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
    The florist was pleased and left the shop.
    When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
    'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

    Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,

    the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
    community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
    The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
    you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.

    Then a Member of Congress came in for a haircut, and when he went to
    pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
    you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Congress
    was very happy and left the shop.
    The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
    Members of Congress lined up waiting for a free haircut.

    And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
    the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.


  5. #35


    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Click image for larger version

Name:	15697969_946490138784835_5279169036652635164_n.jpg‎
Views:	38
Size:	19.3 KB
ID:	33522  

  6. #36
    Sad News From Minnesota

    The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes to the belly. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin with the grave site piled high with many flours. Numerous celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the California Raisins, the Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never know how much he was kneaded.

    Born in 1965 and bread in Minnesota, Poppin’ Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was never considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half baked schemes.
    A little flaky, he was known as crusty man, but still considered a positive “roll” model to millions.

    Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough; three children – John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough…plus, they had a bun in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly uncle, Pop Tart.

    The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 15 minutes.


  7. #37


    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Click image for larger version

Name:	02 :gryboa.jpg‎
Views:	31
Size:	23.0 KB
ID:	33525  

  8. #38
    Little Johnny was walking down the hall towards his classroom when his teacher noticed that he had numerous bruises on his face and arms. The teacher stopped him, and inquired as to how hw got bruised up. Little Johnny told the teacher " my dad lost his job, so we had to move to a smaller house. Now our house only has one bedroom, so now my Dad, Mom, Sis, and Me all have to sleep in one bed. Last night my dad said Johnny are you asleep? l said no, I can't sleep, so my dad hit me and told me to go to sleep because he had to go to work today. That's how I got the bruises." The teacher thought for a minute, and then told Little Johnny "next time your father asks if you are asleep don't answer him, and just pretend you are sleeping, then he won't hit you." This seemed like a good solution to Little Johnny, so that night he tried the teacher's suggestion in an effort to not get a walloping from his dad. The next day, the teacher saw little Johnny in the hallway, and saw that he was badly bruised again, much worse than the previous time. She asked him what had happened. Little Johnny told her that " last night we all went to bed, and after about 20 minutes, my dad asked "Little Johnny, are you asleep"?... I just laid there and stayed quiet, just like I was sleeping. Then my dad got on top of my mom, and they started bouncing up and down. After a few minutes of this, my dad said "I'm coming, I'm coming", and my mom said "wait, wait, I'm coming too". Well they NEVER go anywhere without me, so I jumped up and told them "don't leave without me, I'm coming too!"


  9. #39
    Quote Originally Posted by advanced View Post
    I LIKE this, Russ....


  10. #40
    Quote Originally Posted by oldtop View Post
    I LIKE this, Russ....
    #1 strikes again...


  11. #41


    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Click image for larger version

Name:	72201880_10157771573989993_4629822449842651136_n.jpg‎
Views:	25
Size:	16.7 KB
ID:	33527  

  12. #42

  13. #43
    Clinton dies and of course goes straight to hell. When he gets there the Devil greets him and offers him three ways to spend eternity. They go to the first door and the Devil shows him Newt Gingrich, hanging from the ceiling with fire under him. Bill says "Oh no! That not how I want to spend all eternity......." They go to the second door. The Devil shows him Rush Limbaugh chained to the wall being tortured. Bill says "Oh no! Not for me!"

    They go to the third door. Behind it is Ken Starr, chained to the wall with Monica Lewinsky on her knees giving him a blowjob. Bill thinks and decides, "Hmmm, looks okay to me. I'll take it." The Devil then says, "Good. Hey Monica, you've been replaced."


  14. #44
    After Being Married For 44 Years, I Took A Careful Look At My Wife One Day And Said, 'honey, 44 Years Ago We Had A Cheap Apartment, A Cheap Car, Slept On A Sofa Bed And Watched A 10-inch Black And White Tv, But I Got To Sleep Every Night With A Hot 21-year-old Gal.

    Now I Have A $500,000.00 Home, A $45,000.00 Car, A Nice Big Bed And A Plasma Screen Tv, But I'm Sleeping With A 65-year-old Woman. It Seems To Me That You're Not Holding Up Your Side Of Things.'

    My Wife Is A Very Reasonable Woman. She Told Me To Go Out And Find A Hot 21-year-old Gal, And She Would Make Sure That I Would Once Again Be Living In A Cheap Apartment, Driving A Cheap Car, Sleeping On A Sofa Bed, And Watching A 10-inch Black And White Tv.

    Aren't Older Women Great? They Really Know How To Solve Your Mid-life Crisis.


  15. #45


    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Click image for larger version

Name:	53690275_2362413387122974_5072021583875276800_n.jpg‎
Views:	16
Size:	24.8 KB
ID:	33528  

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not Create Posts
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts