The Jokes Thread - Page 10
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  1. #136

  2. #137

  3. #138
    It snowed last night...
    8:00 am: I made a snowman.
    8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
    8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.
    8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.
    8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.
    8:22 - The transgender man..women...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.
    8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
    8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
    8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .
    8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.
    8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
    8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
    8:45 - TV news crew from CBC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied"Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.
    9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist,racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
    9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.
    9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.
    By noon it all melted
    There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of snowflakes.

  4. #139

    As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroomdoor, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from
    within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter with a vibrator.Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing?"

    The daughter replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five yearsold, unmarried, and this thing is about as close asI'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away andleave me alone."

    The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzzcoming from the other side of the closed bedroomdoor. Upon entering the room, he observed hisdaughter making passionate love to her vibrator.

    To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm thirty-five, unmarried, and thisthing is about as close as I'll ever get to ahusband. Please, go away and leave me alone."

    A couple days later, the wife came home from ashopping trip,placed the groceries on the kitchencounter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from,of all places, the living room. She entered thatarea and observed her husband sitting on the couch,downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzinglike crazy.

    The wife asked, "What the f@!* are you doing?"

    The husband replied, "I'm watching football with myson-in-law."

  5. #140
    Super Moderator Platinum Member Mongoose's Avatar
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    Jan 2009
    Love it Baker....sounds like everyday life in America....

  6. #141
    New Bible Revelation: How It All Began

    Here's a legend, recovered from a dead sea scroll, that finally explains how it all came about.

    In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Jacob Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.

    And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she became known as the Amazon Dot Com.

    She spoke unto Jacob, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

    And Jacob did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, Dear?"

    And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

    Jacob thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And it came to pass that the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Jacob sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent.

    But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Jacob's drum and was accused of insider trading. And other young men did take to the Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. These were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.

    And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

    Dot again spoke and said, "Oh, Jacob, what we have started is being taken over by others."

    And Jacob said, "Verily, verily we need a name that reflects what we are."

    And Dot replied, are we not "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner-Operators?"

    "YAHOO", said Jacob as he looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, (known also as ebay)

    And that is how it all began. . . .

    Actually, It wasn't Al Gore after all.

  7. #142
    I was in line behind a guy buying condoms and his card got declined. The little old lady behind me whispered “He just got cocked block by Visa”

  8. #143

  9. #144

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  11. #146
    Super Moderator Platinum Member Mongoose's Avatar
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    Jan 2009

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