Marriage in the Corps

[CJames97]

Hello Marines, my name is Cameron James. I am a Senior in high school, and I enlisted into the DEP May 18th, 2015. My ship date us June 13th, 2016.

This may seem like silly questions, but I haven't received any good answers yet.

I have been dating a girl for the past two years. To leave out all the sappy s**t, we plan to get married. My first question is when is the best time to get married? Before Boot, During boot leave, or after MOS School?

Secondly, what are some of the major differences between being a married Marine and a single Marine?

I know I am young and many things can happen, but I have a good feeling I'm going to marry this girl, and I'd appreciate some help from married Marines. Any advice is greatly appreciated!

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[USMC 2571]

You will have to put up with comments by some such as "if the Marine Corps wanted you to be married, they would issue you a wife", and things like that. LOL.

On the serious side, you'll get a variety of responses, some for it, some against it, and I don't know much about it except to say that being married while IN the Corps can be and is challenging, in several ways, financially not the least.

But other, younger folks will give you their viewpoints here.

In the meantime, my own opinion, and it's only that, is that it's best to wait until after your MOS school, just because you will be in a more stable situation then. Before that, it's kind of hectic, boot camp, etc and can wear on a couple's nerves a lot worse if they are a married couple than if they were just planning for the event.....

but my opinion is just one among many. Good luck to you.

[CJames97]

Thank you, that helps a lot! I appreciate the help!

[silveradomick]

Definitely wait until you get to your first duty station. Training time is no time for planning a wedding.

I got married between deployments, at 23, and although my wife and I are happy now with two (about to be three) beautiful kids, we both agree that we wish we would have waited longer to marry. I'm 34 now, which isn't that old compared to some of the fogies running around here peeing on everything and looking for the third pair of glasses they lost this week, but it's old enough to look back and realize that I was in way too big a hurry to "grow up". I'd suggest you enjoy your youth while it lasts, and hold off on marriage until you are certain that you cannot live without her (not just someone, but her specifically). I'm also young enough to remember that feeling you've got, the certainty that this one is "the one". Hell, I felt it at least three times before meeting my wife.

Point being, I know you're gonna disregard this advice, so at least wait until you are at your duty station and settled in. Then if you still feel the same, and if she hasn't started banging Jody (or a veteran who has served his time and helps her to 'cope' with your absence), then you can start thinking about planning nuptuals.

[josephd]

if you're gonna do it wait until you get stationed somewhere after MOS school.

Married Marines:
-go home each evening
-get laid when they want

Single Marines:
-stay in barracks
-get to go out with their bro's on libo
-go to Single Marine Program events, some can be pretty cool
-do what they want
-spend alot of time at gym/PTng on their own

I'd much rather be single while on active duty, especially as a Junior Marine before you have any real responsibilities. Where else are you gonna get paid to travel the world, workout, eat, and hang out with friends?

[Tennessee Top]

I was both a single Marine and a married Marine (and now a divorced Marine). Personally, I enjoy being single better. Being married is OK and the perks like not living in the barracks are fine but constantly having to worry about your wife (especially when you're on the other side of the world for weeks/months at a time) sucks BIG TIME.

However, I really don't see why you should wait if you know you're going to marry this girl. Go ahead and make her your dependent before joining. That way, she will be covered for health and life insurance from the get-go in case something happens to you. You'll only have 10 days leave after bootcamp - trying to put a wedding and honeymoon in there somewhere could be a struggle. Understand, besides 13 weeks bootcamp, MCT or ITB after bootcamp, and then however many weeks in MOS school, she won't be able to join you for months and not till you get settled in at your first duty station. But, she'll be your dependent with dependent's benefits and that beats not having any.

The waiting to become more mature, make more money, etc theory is over rated also. I was a Sgt on my second enlistment when I got divorced as were many of my friends. There are plenty of Staff NCO's and officers with 6, 8, 10 years in whose marriages don't survive the rigors of life as a Marine and Marine spouse. Spouses married to recruiters and drill instructors have a difficult time because of the long hours their Marines must put in daily.

Anyway. If I had it to do all over again. I would've just stayed single. Life as a Marine is hard enough. Adding another human being you're responsible for just complicates things and makes it that much harder. Multiply that by however many kids you have.

That being said. You are going to do whatever regardless just like silveradomick said.

[USMC 2571]

Good points, Top---the more I think about this, the more I think he should wait until he gets OUT of the Corps. Just easier that way, it seems. Assuming he's going to join up for 3 or 4 years. But there's a lot to be said for all the different angles mentioned here. Just a matter of preference, but there are some very real hardships associated with some of these avenues that are not present with others. Think about it, as I'm sure you have been. A LOT of considerations here. Not an easy decision.

[USMC 2571]

Excellent new avatar photo, by the way.

[USMC 2571]

Just to add something...IF you do decide to go ahead with it sooner rather than later, at least do what Joe suggests (josephd) and that is to wait til you are at your first permanent duty station. Way too much hassle beforehand, as mentioned.

[CJames97]

Thank you gentleman for all your advice. My mother (I'm a momma's boy true and through) would be shaking your hand and thanking you for your advice lol.
I definitely think I have a lot to think on with something like this. First thing's first, I need to worry about getting through Boot Camp and then worry about what comes after. All the same, every reply helps me monumentally.

[Big Boz]

My wife and I were dating for 3 years prior to me enlisting. We got married before boot camp. 4 days before boot camp. 24 years later, I still owe her a real honeymoon. Not only were we married, but there was a baby on the way. And another one 4 years into my 6 year enlistment. I think the main reason that our relationship worked out is that we had a great family support system. She stayed with her parents while I got through boot camp, MCT, and the major portion of my MOS school. Once I hit the fleet, it didn't get easier. Within the first year, I was gone every 3 months for 6 weeks at a time to include Kuwait. Her grandparents lived 5 hours away and she would go to stay with them at times. When I went to Okinawa for a year, she moved back in with her parents and at times, we thought that it may be easier being single. On the holidays and on leave, we made it a point to go home and stay with family. That was just as important for her as it was for me. There is NO WAY we would have stayed together without family. You think Marines are brave. Whenever we go to a new duty station, the bases and jobs are pretty much the same. Take a 19 year old country girl, move her out to the suburbs of Los Angeles and see how that stress gets thrown into the new marriage calculation. At the time, we didn't know how we would do it. Now that we look back on "the good old days" it was nothing but commitment to each other and making it work.

[Big Boz]

Married vs. Single

My paychecks went to baby food, baby formula and diapers, while we ate biscuits and beans. I took care of the kids on weekends while she worked. Sometimes, 6 weeks in the middle of the desert was a welcomed get away (yeah that sounds bad). I had more to protect, and worry about 24 x 7.

Okinawa was pretty much like being single. Go out when I wanted to, partied, ate better, PT'd myself into the best shape of my life. But still missed my family.


Either you will find a way to make it work and grow stronger together, or you won't.

[mexbearlll]

With in 10 Days I got Married, Graduated High School and left for Boot Camp. With US not knowing what was ahead for US, only that WE were going to tackle it together. Well 34 Years later, with Boot Camp, 2 tours overseas, and a lot of time in the Field and 4 kids later, it All seemed to work out because WE Communicated with each other !!! Not every Military or Civilian Marriage works out. Good Luck.

[mexbearlll]

And I'm still waiting on My WAIVER from the Grandkids to be rid of Grandmother ,LOL .
Oh if You get married have ALL Your paperwork up to date and handy...

[Daveh48]

Here's how I look at that, I wasn't married in the Marines. I watched those that were and they were strapped financially. The marriage normally can't take the stress and it cracks up...I saw many of these, very few were successful at Jr ranks. Wait until you are atleast a Sgt. And then your check will have some meat on it and you would have some time to explore the world some. What ever you choose good luck.