Chuckles of the day - Page 3
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  1. #31
    Hold my e-mail until further notice,

    I am in the hospital.

    I was badly attacked by a woman
    on an elevator.

    I was in the elevator when she got in.

    I was casually staring at her boobs when she said, "Would you please press 1".

    I don't remember much after that.

  2. #32
    This is pathetic, but darn funny when you think about it for a moment.

    Should any one of you be offended at this, first ask
    yourself: Can I handle the truth?
    Two magazines, Country Living (95.99% white readership) and
    Ebony /Jet (99.99% black readership) did surveys on
    "WHAT DO PEOPLE FEAR MOST?" The results were
    interesting, to say the least...

    Country Living magazine's top three answers were:
    1. Nuclear war/terrorist attack in U.S
    2. Child/spouse dying
    3. Terminal illness

    Ebony/Jet magazine's top three answers were:
    1. Ghosts
    2. Dogs
    3. Registered mail

    No Kidding. And these are the people who put Obama over the top.

  3. #33
    Bob goes to his friend Sam and says ...

    "I'm sleeping with the priest's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?”

    The friend doesn't like it but being a friend, he agrees.

    After mass, he starts talking to the priest, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.
    Finally the priest gets annoyed and asks Bob what he's really up to.

    Bob, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the priest...
    "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied.”

    The priest smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Bob's shoulder and says…"You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago"

  4. #34
    A Great One-liner from Dr Ben Carson

    When an atheist called him a “moron” for believing in God, Dr. Ben Carson responded with one brilliant line that put the atheist in his place.

    “I believe I came from God, and you believe you came from a monkey,” he told the individual, “and you’ve convinced me you’re right."

  5. #35

  6. #36

  7. #37

    The new Flatulance Car..

  8. #38
    Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

    Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, ‘Kin ya swallar?’

    The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, ‘Kin ya breathe?’ The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

    The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

    The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

    As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, ‘Ya know, I’d heerd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’ but I ain’t niver seed nobody do it!’

  9. #39

  10. #40
    Marine Free Member FistFu68's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    @ Kegs~Hind Lick Maneuver ROFLMAO

  11. #41

    Ron Chestnut, 89 years of age, was stopped by the police around 2 am and was asked where he was going at that time of night.

    Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

    The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

    Ron replied, "That would be my wife."

  12. #42

  13. #43

  14. #44

  15. #45
    Marine Family Free Member 2 Marine Mom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    North bend
    these are great

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