Chuckles of the day - Page 12
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  5. #170
    Why You Never Question A Drunk

    From a female friend:
    I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
    A half-gallon of 2% milk
    A carton of eggs
    A quart of orange juice
    A head of lettuce
    A 2 lb. can of coffee
    A 1 lb. package of bacon

    As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

    I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr. Right. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.

    Curiosity getting the better of me, I said, "Yes, you are correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

    The drunk replied, "’Cause you're ugly."

  6. #171

    Today is NACHO DAY

    Today is Nacho Day #500
    500 days that Hillary is nacho

  7. #172

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  9. #174
    In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus.

    As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

    Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

    Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't.

    So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time she attempted the step, and once again,much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.

    With a little smile to the bus driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.

    About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

    The woman went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched: "How dare you touch my body ! I don't even know who you are !"

    The Texan smiled and drawled: "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.


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