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Thread: Hi everyone!
07-04-12, 12:15 AM #31
This is just one obnoxious, hard-headed 28 year old's opinion, but if you have any relationship with your step-son remaining, you're destined to kill it off. I can't wrap my head around why you're so meddlesome in the first place? It is his life, and his mistakes to make. Even still, we're all presuming these are all huge mistakes. I get the impression you're hoping he'll fall flat on his face, so you'll get the satisfaction of gloating about being right. You do, after all, want everything to work out perfectly for him, right?
Furthermore, why are you imposing your goals on his life? His wife is going to blow all his money on things they can't afford. So what? That's the relationship dynamic of 75% of the Marines I know, and most of them are about as giddy as a pig in ****. Has it occurred to you that your idea of a critical mistake is his idea of a job well done? Maybe it makes him happy providing things for her?
Even still, he's a grown adult, with a government job, that pulls a regular salary, and provides a place to live that's independent of your reign. You have practically no power to control these types of decisions, and I can almost gaurantee that your best efforts will have the exact opposite effects. Young males are obstinate. Young Marines are worse. So why don't you try to be supportive wherever possible, and be the bigger person if he does happen to fall on his face. You are an entire generation older than him? Underhandedly blasting his wife on the internet and critiquing everything he's doing in his life are prime examples of "weapons of the weak." He's a United States Marine. I gaurantee there are young men who are on way worse tracks...
07-04-12, 04:36 PM #32
Thank you to whoever just deleted my post. I'm assuming it got deleted not by the quality of the content it contained (which was just fine), but on the premise that I'm not a Marine and subsequently shouldn't have any say-so in this forum. The problem is, I am a Marine. The bigger problem seems to be that there is no effective moderation on this forum that can change my status to reflect being a Marine.
Anyway... I'm done hijacking now. Carry on.
07-04-12, 07:53 PM #33
Okay...who is 'tommielynn' and what seems to be the problem here? My profile is completely filled out, so this can't be directed at me...
07-04-12, 08:03 PM #34
Me again...stepkid and bride did close on their house last Wednesday. They moved in Wednesday night and then left on Saturday to drive up to Michigan, dogs in tow. They arrived at her parents' house at 4 am Sunday morning, completely unannounced. (I guess they forgot to tell her parents they were coming.) Anyway, since then, one of their dogs made a snack out of a couch...don't think that went over very well with the adults. (Oh, wait, I guess stepkid and bride are supposed to be adults as well...) Anyway, we saw them for a short time today. Stepkid looks good, bride looks fat--same as when I saw them last. (Bride needs someone to tell her that short shorts with the waistband rolled down is NOT a good look when you're about 80 lbs. overweight. Meow!!) They left the house in NC closed up with no A/C on, and they don't know if they have a dehumidifier, so it could be ugly when they get back down...more later.
07-05-12, 10:28 AM #35
Let's help you out MSM
candy too,,,,Maybe Sonnys' love muffin will explode
and save Sonny a bundle.
BUT WE KNOW better
Love's blind, but lust is sometimes just as expensive..
good news is, at least it doesn't sound like the "Evential childrens " "Family Tree" is going to have
What's the chance of posting a "Family PIC"??
07-05-12, 10:06 PM #36
And I thought I was being catty!! DOUBLE Meow!!
I got an up-close and personal look at their house on Google Maps today. It IS a cute house...but I did some fact-checking (since I'm in the mortgage business, I have access to a lot of information that is unavailable to the average Joe), and discovered that their annual property taxes are about 2 1/2 times what they told my husband; and that what they thought would be their monthly payment is just principal and interest--no property taxes, homeowner's insurance premium, flood insurance premium, or hurricane insurance premium...factor in what they'll likely be paying in utilities monthly (especially A/C--after all, it IS North Carolina), plus normal maintenance, and I'm guessing a total of somewhere between $1000 and $2000 per month. This is almost stepkid's entire take-home pay.
Just because you CAN do some things doesn't mean you SHOULD do them. I guess they'll have to wake up and smell the foreclosure sometime in the not-so-distant future. I would love to spare him from all of this, but it's too late--and he needs to learn this lesson.
BTW--no 'family portraits'. I do have a framed photo of stepkid in his dress blues (the official 'graduation picture') on my desk at work, but that's it.
07-06-12, 03:52 AM #37
And "Cranky too"
We said this is gonna turn into a "Soap Opera"...
Didn't say we couldn't have fun with it.
Now to sit back and wait for other comments
about how cruel I am/ We are, chuckle...
Life's Cold, and Hard,
especially so when you're stupid,
Sonny may live a long and happy life.
and may well make all the mistakes
on his own...
Here's wishing him better than what
the outlook appears to predict.
Keep us informed
07-06-12, 09:38 AM #38
Probably 'Tommielyn' didn't have their profile properly filled in....Otherwise.....You are doing the right thing by accepting the things you cannot change......Stepkid, here has to make his own footprints, even tho they may not be in the direction you want. Who knows what fate awaits them....My older brother married a 16 year old German local when he was stationed there in 1960(?). He was 21....created quite a stir, from what I heard about it.................Today, with three grown children and as many grandchildren, they celebrated their 50th not long ago! Sometimes things DO work out for the better even though it doesn't seem so in the beginning...Good luck!
07-08-12, 07:50 AM #39
Things were a lot different 50 years ago...I'm happy that things turned out so well for your brother. My stepson went into the Marines less than a year ago at the age of 22 (a week after his birthday) chronologically, but emotionally, he was more like 17 due to his ADD and his mom's overprotectiveness. Bride was only his second girlfriend. He has been ruled by women his entire life; in fact, when he was little, his female cousin (who is a year younger) always called the shots when they played together, which was often. She would tell him what to do and he would comply without question. His mother is very controlling, as was his first girlfriend and her mother. Bride and her mother are similarly controlling.
I know for a fact that the home purchase was bride's idea. Stepkid is not thinking with the head that is on his shoulders (sorry, guys) which is typical of an immature young man. My husband visited them in May and told me that stepkid becomes a Marine when he dons the clothing but at home is still the same as he was before he went in.
I've known stepkid since he was seven years old, so I believe I am pretty good at what makes him tick. He is one of those people who can't see the forest for the trees until he stumbles over an exposed root and falls on his face. Bride is 'daddy's little girl' and 'grandpa's little girl' and is used to getting what she wants from men, and it almost always involves spending money. I don't think either of them realizes that buying a house is not like buying a dishwasher. You can't return it for a refund if something goes wrong, and it's always WAY more expensive than most first-time purchasers realize. I was an exception to this when hubby and I bought our house 11 years ago, but that's because I was (and still am) in the mortgage business. Home ownership is a huge, expensive, long-term commitment that is not to be entered in lightly--a foolish purchase especially for a young immature person who has been in the Marines for less than a year and will likely be moved around several times before his 4 years are up. (He's already talking about re-enlisting.)
Don't get me wrong--I love my stepson and am very proud that he made the decision to become a Marine. I just wish that he had more maturity and common sense when it comes to making choices involving his personal life.
07-08-12, 09:46 AM #40
Less than a year active service and already 'buying' a house? You can bet your sweet bippy he will receive orders for overseas before his tour is up..... Then what? If Asia, will he take the 1 year and leave bride in their new home alone? (Maybe not alone long....) Or take an accompanied tour and leave house alone for three tears? If Europe, then what? Will she expect to tag along to call the shots if he has to take a combat tour? Will they buy a new house at each duty station if he reinlists? I see a whole lot of problems here! I, personally, am in the exact OPPOSITE situation...My daughter is married to a career Naval Officer who will most likely pull 30 since 20 is coming up and they are excited about going back to Hawaii for another tour. Contrary to stepsons situation, both my daughter and son-in-law have good intentions and won't buy a house until much later, even tho they pay out the kazoo for rent! I am fortunate that I do not have to worry about their decision making and how it affects my grandchildren. You, on the other hand have plenty reason to worry! Sounds like stepson needs to grow a pair and call a shot or two to see if bride will let him..... Good luck!
07-09-12, 04:35 AM #41
Bride will not be able to accompany him on an overseas deployment because she bought stepkid a Husky-Border collie puppy right before he left for boot camp (birthday present). A couple of months ago, they acquired a second dog--a Husky-Border collie-German shepherd-bloodhound mix who is now 5 months old and is showing signs of becoming a small pony. (In other words, he's going to be a big dog.) If bride were to accompany him on his deployment, either the dogs would be quarantined or they'd have to find someone to take care of them. Neither one of these is a good option, so bride would stay home. (I don't know if you've been following the posts back from my original thread beginning in April 2011, but bride was not even 19 years old when stepkid proposed. They'd known each other for about 2 months. When we found out that he'd proposed, she already had her ring and a dress and her mom had the whole thing completely planned out. Can you say 'Take my daughter--please?')
My younger stepson (who is far more mature than his brother) does stand-up comedy and had a couple shows in the area where stepkid lives, so he stayed at their house for 2 nights. They had left the doors open while they moved in (which was only 3 days before they came up here for the month), and apparently several mosquitoes took up residence in the process. Well, they locked up the house and nature took its course as an incubator for little baby mosquitoes. When Younger Brother arrived, he was met by a cloud of the hungry pests and had to spray. He said he didn't get all of them, and he's back up here now, so the house will be closed up for the rest of the month and more mosquitoes will ensue.
08-07-12, 10:57 PM #42
Hi again--well, stepkid and bride went back down to NC on the last weekend of July. He didn't accomplish what he came up here for...he was supposed to sign up at least 2 new recruits and this would count toward his becoming a lance corporal. (I think he also wanted to keep an eye on bride, since she planned her trip up here a couple of months ago). He wasn't able to recruit anybody, so he hasn't gotten his promotion yet.
My husband spoke with stepkid the day after they got back down to NC, and he didn't mention anything about the 8th plague of Egypt (mosquitoes) that apparently had been breeding while the house was locked up. (Maybe they all died since there was no human flesh available upon which to feed.) Anyway, stepkid and bride were outside while hubby was on the phone, and bride said that she'd slammed her finger in the car door that day and thought it was broken. She also had cut her foot, and while stepkid was talking with his dad, bride dropped a gallon of milk on her other foot. (And I thought I was a klutz.) Bride still hasn't gotten a job but was supposed to start looking for one this week. (She hasn't worked in over 6 months.) My feeling is that all the minor injuries she is incurring are a subconscious effort to avoid having to work. Bride is used to the men in her life taking care of her, so she seems not overly eager to find a job--plus her work experience consists of a part-time job in a bowling alley and a temp clerical job for a few months (she got fired from that one). Not much in the way of experience or skills...
I found out that stepkid and bride's mortgage on their house is for more than the sales price, so they obviously didn't have any of their own money to put toward the purchase. I know they got a VA mortgage but don't know what the interest rate is. I do know that they have flood insurance and hurricane insurance besides the standard homeowner's insurance. I don't see how they can afford this for long...
They haven't had to buy any lawn equipment so far because her cousin gave them a barely-used mower and my husband gave them a blower and a trimmer. All of these have been shipped down at my husband's expense. Am I wrong in being annoyed at this? I think that, since they feel they can afford this house, that they should have to buy/pay for everything like the rest of us. (For the record, while they were up here, they called up my husband more than once and asked him to take them out to lunch--and not at a coney island, either. Stepkid makes more money than my husband but I guess he feels that Daddy should still pay.)
He called up the other night because apparently the cord for their clothes dryer had something wrong, so he bought a new cord and was asking my husband how to connect it. Hubby told him to call an appliance repairman rather than try to do it himself. Stepkid also said that the dryer was vented into their attic rather than outside, which sounds dangerous to me. He told his dad that calling an appliance guy would be expensive, to which my husband said, 'Welcome to homeownership.'
I think stepkid is trying to buy a new dryer rather than get the old one fixed.
I know I'm being catty and complaining, but I've had a very bad feeling over the whole situation since the day that stepkid said he was getting married. I see major storm clouds piling up and can hear thunder in the distance, but either my husband is oblivious or he's just hoping the situation will resolve itself. The bad thing is that I can't talk to him about how I feel without it turning into a huge argument. But every time I hear stepkid's name in any kind of conjunction with bride (or her family), I get a panicky feeling inside.
Have any of you experienced this before? I need a guy's opinion.
08-08-12, 03:20 AM #43
Sounds like HUBBY is letting go a little..Give him support i guess we wouldn't want to change shoes ???
Tell SONNY and the "BRIDE" to use their computer/ find answers to the obvious.
IF it helps, tell HUBBY to tell SONNY, "m14ed" has maintained the same GE Dryer for the past 40 years/had it since we got married and it'll outlive me if i have anything to say about it.
Hang in there MSM
08-08-12, 09:20 AM #44
Maybe you could get the family together and everyone go on the Dr. Phil Show. Familys are always airing their dirty laundry on that show and get paid for it also.
08-08-12, 04:26 PM #45
I feel really sorry for your stepson. Not because he married some land leviathon, or because he bought a house he can't afford, or even because his world will be turned upside down when he's sent overseas and everything falls apart. I feel sorry for him because you air his dirty laundry all over the internet. We all have problems. At least my mother doesn't broadcast mine to everyone.
On a bright note (for me), he still seems to be devoted to a woman that makes your skin crawl. That makes me happy.
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