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Thread: Hi everyone!
05-15-12, 11:01 PM #1
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water...
My stepkid has now been at Cherry Point, NC for a few months and is working in logistics. So far, they've had him in the warehouse but he was told recently that he may be put behind a desk soon. He is hoping to make lance corporal soon so he's working hard, picking up extra hours when he can (like working the air show last weekend), and playing basketball and lacrosse with his staff sergeant. He seems to be doing well. I haven't been able to speak with him or text him as he won't return my texts. Bride unfriended me on Facebook about 4 months ago and got him to unfriend his best buddy since 4th grade. I am reasonably sure that she is behind his lack of response to my efforts. Not sure what happened there...
She moved down to NC almost 2 months ago. They got a brand-new apartment close to the beach. I'd mentioned some time ago that she bought a lot of new furniture. She didn't have it delivered (since she was still up here and they didn't have a place to live yet), and didn't pick it up until right before she moved. I guess she didn't explain the situation to the furniture store, because when she went to pick it up, they had sold it to someone else and she had to get different pieces.
My husband and my younger stepson are down there visiting him at present. They now have 2 vehicles (her new car that she bought last fall and also a truck that they recently bought) and apparently have decided that the apartment is too expensive. When I spoke with my husband earlier today, bride was meeting with a realtor to go look at houses. I'm not sure how they're going to buy a house when they have limited credit profiles, 2 vehicle payments, lots of credit-card debt, and she isn't working--aside from the fact that a house is way more expensive than renting an apartment (plus they will be breaking a lease--more money out the window). The other issue, of course, is that military life is transient, so what happens when he is assigned to another area? For that matter, he said he's been told that he will be deployed to Africa, no idea when.
It seemed that stepkid was making great progress in the maturity/wisdom/common sense departments (thank you, Marines), but he backslides when he's around her. I know there's nothing I can do about this, especially since he's too stubborn to listen anyway. As I said awhile ago, it's really tough to stand back and watch your kid screw up. I smell the coming implosion but hope that he learns some valuable lessons from all of this.
05-15-12, 11:12 PM #2
wow, it stinks not being able to throttle them sometimes and shake them to see if the brains loosen up,,lol,, but i guess you just have to wait it out and be there if it fall apart for a little moral support,,
The Proud, The Few, The Constitutional Marine
05-16-12, 04:49 AM #3
Maybe your stepson will learn.
Bigtime list of things to look for in an ideal partner.
the kid's "P -whipped" bigtime it sounds to me.
That'll teach him.......................................
-next time- !
05-16-12, 10:03 AM #4
Sounds a though this Marine would rather learn through the school of hard knocks as far as debt goes in the Corps. If it ever comes down to letters of indebtness being sent to his command, hope he does not blame it on her. If he does I'm sure he will be told that the Corps did not tell him to aquire said wifey and he will be in deep doo-doo. Sounds to me like he is trying to put 50 pounds in that 10 pound bag.
05-16-12, 12:59 PM #5
good luck getting thru to him Ill say a prayer for you
05-16-12, 05:01 PM #6
As a parental unit----
Sometimes ya gotta let em fall so they can learn(hopefully)
They're always your little ones----
Be there and pick em up the first time
After that ---Thier problem
05-16-12, 08:28 PM #7
Apache is right! A parent can neither take the blame nor credit for how their children present themselves as adults. All they can do is point them in the right direction and hope for the best, morally. A bailout may be necessary at times, as long as it isn't dependency......There are people locked up who came from pillars of the community as well as pillars of the community may have came from broken homes, abusive and/or alcoholic parents. This young man may be in for a hard lesson.....coming from someone with prior experience...You can talk to him, but at this point, it won't do any good...
05-16-12, 08:59 PM #8
I smell a couple page 11's or an NJP in his future for bouncing checks,,,
05-25-12, 12:52 AM #9
When my husband got back from NC, he told me that the house purchase was her idea and that stepkid wasn't thrilled about it because he was trying to save money. Then this past Monday, he told me that they take possession of the house by July 1st. So they must have already been approved for the mortgage before last week...I am a mortgage underwriter myself and know how long approvals can take, so this must've been started some time ago. I told husband that this is about the stupidest thing they can do since they're already up to their ears in debt. An argument ensued...I understand he wants his son to be happy, but a reality check is really needed here.
This evening, he told me that he wants to go back down to help them move into the house and asked if I wanted to go with him. I said I didn't and the whole thing was stupid. He got mad again, so I took the dog on a long walk to avoid banging my head against the wall.
I see exactly how this is going to play out. She is all about 'stuff', as in how much his salary can buy. When the real financial trouble starts, she'll be out of there so fast it'll make his head spin. I am predicting this will occur within the next two years. He will be hurt, but hopefully he will be so gun-shy from the whole experience that he won't think about getting involved with someone for a long time--at lest until he's old enough and mature enough to truly know what he's getting into and knows the girl and her family for at least a few years before traveling that road again.
One consolation is that her financial credibility will be trashed as well.
My husband needs to come back to the real world...
05-25-12, 12:04 PM #10
Sad situation but all too common. I remember when I was his age, young, dumb, and "in love". Didn't listen to anybody either when they told me my Nicaraguan bride was just looking for a green card. Turned out, they were right and she didn't waste any time dumping me for Jody the very first time I deployed overseas. Been too gun shy since to try my luck at love again. Had to learn my lesson the hard way just like your stepson will.
05-25-12, 12:41 PM #11
Well Apache and Spotts are both right... At lest you can blow-off steam here and have people listen to you,but you might want to talk to your husband carefully about this,cuz it will effect you two, sorry to say but thats bring a parent...
05-25-12, 12:59 PM #12
Sometimes.... you just have to do what I did with my kids. Stand back, shake your head, and wait for them to fall on their butts. Has she thought about what is going to happen when he deploys? Probably not. That is going to take a bite out of the available ca$h.
You and Hubby can do nothing until he is ready to tell little Ms Millions that ca$h grows tight and our debt load keep growing. Knock off the buying!
I am not particularly brave, courageous, nor even very smart. But I am a US Marine which makes up for all my other failings. - DrZ
"Some people live an entire lifetime wondering if they've made a difference in the world, Marines don't have that problem." President Ronald Regan
DrZ is the internet name I selected in the early days at University. So keep in mind I never was a DevilDoc.
Si Vis Pacem Para bellum
05-28-12, 10:04 PM #13
Pardon me for being ignorant, but what are 'page 11s' and 'NJP'?
05-28-12, 10:22 PM #14
Husband and I ended up in a MAJOR fight this past Thursday evening because of stepkid's actions...I didn't get any sleep and left for work Friday morning without speaking a word to him, but I'd left him a very long note telling him exactly how I feel about bride, her family (especially her mother), the marriage, the current situation, and what is going to happen in the not-too-distant future. (I find it easier to write than speak because I can organize my thoughts and ensure I cover all bullet points without getting emotional or raising my voice.) I worked late Friday to avoid dealing with him, but we patched things up (sort of) later that night. I think my husband has a blind spot when it comes to his kids...understandable, but sometimes he needs to 'man-up'. I don't think it would do any good in stepkid's situation. He'll have to fall flat on his face before he learns anything in this. The sad thing is, my husband and I have argued and fought more in the past year or so than we had in the 14 previous years (before bride came into the picture).
I found out that bride started an online jewelry business about a month ago with another Marine wife. They buy beads and military charms and make bracelets and belly rings. The other girl's husband is also a PFC in logistics, and guess who he works with? Stepkid can't stand him...apparently he's lazy and stepkid is picking up the slack. I'm guessing the outcome on this one as well...there will be words (or worse) between stepkid and this other guy, whose wife will naturally take her husband's side, and that will be the end of the jewelry enterprise.
And the beat goes on...
05-28-12, 10:52 PM #15
After Captain's Mast which is an administrative discipline action. A corrective action entry on his page11 in his SRB. In other words He's brought on the carpet and is chew out over something he did by his CO and it is put in his record book...You don't want any page 11's or NJP'S on your record book... it hurts when promotion time...
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