Question on marriage and timing?
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  1. #1

    Question on marriage and timing?

    Morning, Marines and friends,

    I've just recently become a poolee, with a ship date of 10 DEC. I'm 23 years old (will be 24 when I ship) and am graduating college this May. I've been dating a lovely woman for a bit over 3 years now, and have every intent on marrying her. I mentioned this to my recruiter (after assuring him that I wouldn't go getting married 2 days before I ship, heard that story while I was at MEPS), and he advised that my best bet would be getting married on my 10-day leave after boot camp.

    He told me that, either way, I'll likely get chewed out/given trouble by my command, but there were upsides to doing it in that time period. If I went to MCT/MOS school and told them I was now married, I would be sure to get accompanied orders to my 1st duty station. I definitely want to do that, as I'd like to have her with me. My recruiter also told me that I'd be receiving BAH during that time as well, an added bonus.

    So, the topic at hand.... Do you Marines agree that this is a good course of action? After reading some similar threads here, many advised to wait until after MOS school or even until the first duty station. I'm comfortable waiting, as is my girlfriend, but there's certainly no sense in doing so if it isn't necessary. Any of you have thoughts and/or experience in this department? Thank you in advance for your time!

    Last edited by DMZern; 03-26-12 at 03:11 AM. Reason: formatting

  2. #2
    David -- Marriage and the Corps make tough bed partners. With both of you (I assume she's your age) being older it might be easier, though. My only advice to keep your expectations low. Especially her, she is going to have a rough time at first getting used to how the Corps does things. When you actually do it it up to you, I see no reason to wait if they are going to pay you the loot and the orders to bring her,,, and if you are getting married for the right reasons. Good luck.


  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by thewookie View Post
    David -- Marriage and the Corps make tough bed partners. With both of you (I assume she's your age) being older it might be easier, though. My only advice to keep your expectations low. Especially her, she is going to have a rough time at first getting used to how the Corps does things. When you actually do it it up to you, I see no reason to wait if they are going to pay you the loot and the orders to bring her,,, and if you are getting married for the right reasons. Good luck.
    I've certainly heard that statement before, sir, and I by no means disagree. Certainly, if it was easy, many more would be successful. But just as the reward of earning the title is worth it, so is building a successful marriage and family. She is my age, and has a degree as well which I feel could help her (should she find somewhere to work wherever I am stationed). There will certainly be tests and uncertainties, but there's no one else I'd like to have more than her to go through them with. Thank you for you advice, sir, it is much appreciated.


  4. #4
    Don't know that our opinion matters that much. It sounds like you already know what you're going to do.


  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by MOS4429 View Post
    Don't know that our opinion matters that much. It sounds like you already know what you're going to do.
    Sorry if I am unclear....I am not asking if I should get married, as I am going to do so, my question is rather whether doing it during my 10-day is a good call, or if I could run into any issues doing so and should wait until my first duty station, etc. Sorry for any confusion!


  6. #6
    The "upsides" your recruiter mentioned may be valid.

    There are downsides as well. When you go to your MOS school you want to be focused on your training and skill. New wives often need a lot of attention. You don't need to be distracted.

    I always advise to wait until you are at your first duty station and stabilized, and preferrably made the rank of Sgt, though Cpl can be okay.

    Getting married during your 10-day leave would assure accompanied orders to your first duty station? Not sure what he is referring to. You will receive orders regardless if married or not. They will ship your belongings if married. As a nonrate, you will not be given priority housing, most likely have to live off base, and depending on what your MOS is and where you will be at, that can present its own problems.

    If you get orders overseas, they are not going to be accompanied. Even if you have been married 10 years, almost all first-time overseas orders are unaccompanied which means you leave your wife back in the states for a year.

    Personally...I'd wait.


  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by MOS4429 View Post
    The "upsides" your recruiter mentioned may be valid.

    There are downsides as well. When you go to your MOS school you want to be focused on your training and skill. New wives often need a lot of attention. You don't need to be distracted.

    I always advise to wait until you are at your first duty station and stabilized, and preferrably made the rank of Sgt, though Cpl can be okay.

    Getting married during your 10-day leave would assure accompanied orders to your first duty station? Not sure what he is referring to. You will receive orders regardless if married or not. They will ship your belongings if married. As a nonrate, you will not be given priority housing, most likely have to live off base, and depending on what your MOS is and where you will be at, that can present its own problems.

    If you get orders overseas, they are not going to be accompanied. Even if you have been married 10 years, almost all first-time overseas orders are unaccompanied which means you leave your wife back in the states for a year.

    Personally...I'd wait.
    Exactly the kind of information I was looking for. I'd only heard the positive aspects thus far, thank your for bring up some of the potential issues/negatives.

    I believe what he meant by accompanied orders was that, for my first station, I would be able to acquire housing with her on base wherever I might be (other than overseas/combat zone). You mentioned being a "nonrate"; I'm not familiar with the term. Is it that those of lower rank (and no children, doubtlessly) are not given priority for on-base housing? That would be logical. I'll ask my recruiter to clear up a little more if he can.

    Again, thank you. That's just the kind of thing I'm looking for.


  8. #8
    It's all a crap shoot in my opinion. I was a Sgt when I got married and had reenlisted after my first enlistment (older, higher pay grade, and stable at that point in my career). We had to wait 14 months for base housing on Camp Pendleton and were renting in San Clemente. A few months after moving in our housing unit (overlooking San Onofre beach and the Pacific ocean by the way), my unaccompanied orders to Okinawa showed up so I went away for a year and the wife stayed in our government quarters. At about the six months mark, she hooked up with Jody. Our plan when I left was to start our family when I returned but she and Jody made other plans without ever telling me. After completing my 12 months on the rock, she picked me up at the bus station, drove me back to our quarters, dropped me off, informed me the divorce papers would be served, and left. They were married as soon as our divorce became final; I was never interested in marriage again and my carrer flourished as a single SNCO (no baggage to carry around). During my career, I saw plenty of junior Marines, NCO's, SNCO's, and officer's marriages go down the drain (occupational hazard). Also saw plenty of marriages make it. So, in my opinion, there is no real advantage to putting it off. If your love is strong enough to survive all the perils of military service it will survive, if not, most likely it will not...simple as that. Good luck and hope Jody does not come a'knock'n cause he is surely out there as too many Marines know.


  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Tennessee Top View Post
    It's all a crap shoot in my opinion. I was a Sgt when I got married and had reenlisted after my first enlistment (older, higher pay grade, and stable at that point in my career). We had to wait 14 months for base housing on Camp Pendleton and were renting in San Clemente. A few months after moving in our housing unit (overlooking San Onofre beach and the Pacific ocean by the way), my unaccompanied orders to Okinawa showed up so I went away for a year and the wife stayed in our government quarters. At about the six months mark, she hooked up with Jody. Our plan when I left was to start our family when I returned but she and Jody made other plans without ever telling me. After completing my 12 months on the rock, she picked me up at the bus station, drove me back to our quarters, dropped me off, informed me the divorce papers would be served, and left. They were married as soon as our divorce became final; I was never interested in marriage again and my carrer flourished as a single SNCO (no baggage to carry around). During my career, I saw plenty of junior Marines, NCO's, SNCO's, and officer's marriages go down the drain (occupational hazard). Also saw plenty of marriages make it. So, in my opinion, there is no real advantage to putting it off. If your love is strong enough to survive all the perils of military service it will survive, if not, most likely it will not...simple as that. Good luck and hope Jody does not come a'knock'n cause he is surely out there as too many Marines know.
    Thanks for the perspective, sir. Sorry to hear about how things happened for you, though. I'd like to believe that it will be different for me, but as you said, time will tell.


  10. #10
    Son, EVERYBODY believes it will be different for them! Nobody ties the knot thinking they will eventually end up a statistic. I certainly didn't and none of my friends did either. However, as an educated man, you already know at least half the marriages in this country don't last (maybe more). The failure rate is even higher in the military for obvious reasons. And, divorce is highest in the sea services because to do our job, sailors and Marines must be deployed. Our Commandant has stated repeatedly now that Afghanistan is winding down his vision for our Corps is to get back to our expeditionary roots which translates to not being home.

    It's wonderful to be young and in love. I was in your spot at one time myself. We put off getting married till I reenlisted and believed we made all the right moves. Everything was possible; love conquers all...and then life happened. At least, there were no kids involved, and I did not end up paying any alimony or support. In CA, we had to split everything so she got the car and I got the motorcycle, she got the dog and I got the bedroom suit, she got the livingroom suit and I got the diningroom suit.

    Next time I went back to OKI for a year I was a single GySgt and made up for all the fun I missed the first time (remaining faithful to my "loving wife" while she was back at Camp Pendleton romancing Jody).

    Enjoy being in love while it lasts; hopefully, a lifetime.


  11. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by Tennessee Top View Post
    Son, EVERYBODY believes it will be different for them! Nobody ties the knot thinking they will eventually end up a statistic.........Enjoy being in love while it lasts; hopefully, a lifetime.
    Completely agree sir. Marriage is certainly making a dice roll nowadays. My bachelor's will be in psychology, so we've discussed at length the aspects that can make marriages fail, and they are certainly numerous. But, at some point, logic has to take a back seat to the romantic side. That, or never take the chance. Hopefully taking the chance will pay dividends (so to speak) in the end, but there's only one way to find out.


  12. #12
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    Follow your Heart !!!

    But wait until you get settled at your first duty station.

    Best of Luck to you both.



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