Damn Monkeys

[LandsNGrooves]

I'm not big fan of chain emails, but this one is pretty good.

"WET MONKEY THEORY"
DO NOT BE A VICTIM

Start with a cage containing five monkeys.

Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under
it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards
the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all the other monkeys
with cold water.

After a while another monkey makes the attempt with same result, all the
other monkeys are sprayed with cold water.

Pretty soon when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys
will try to prevent it.

Now, put the cold water away. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it
with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the
stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him.
After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the
stairs he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new
one. the newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer
takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.

Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth,
then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs he is
attacked.

Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not
permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating
of the newest monkey.

After replacing all of the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys
have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again
approaches the stairs to try for the banana. Why not? Because as far as they
know that is the way it has always been done around here.

And that, my fellow monkey, is how company policy begins.........

[Omegaham]

(Sergeant Major and a bunch of first sergeants go over to a local university)

Researcher: I've found some disturbing results from my latest research.
SMaj: Oh? What's going on?
Researcher: (outlines the Wet Monkey study)
SMaj: Wow! I never thought about it that way!
1st 1Sgt: Think about how easy it is to prevent drunk driving with this!
2nd 1Sgt: Yeah! Every time someone gets a DUI, blast everyone else with cold water!
3rd 1Sgt: Nah, refrigeration is too expensive. Just put pepper spray in the water instead.
SMaj: So Mr. Researcher, if we blast all our Marines with pepper spray water, they'll stop drinking and driving, right?
Researcher: Uh, no. You're using this lesson all wrong! It's supposed to illuminate the fact that the learning process is flawed and-
SMaj: (interrupting) We're done here! Get the pepper spray! All Marines will be blasted at 0700 tomorrow! Draw up the roster sheets! Batten down the hatches! Where's my cover!
1Sgts: Huzzah!