Poolee getting married...need advice

[Marinestepmom]

I know that Nick will have no access to any communication with the 'outside world' except for snail mail while he's at boot camp and that he will get almost no time to himself. Nick isn't good at writing, so I don't even know how often she'll get letters. His recruiter told him that his 10-day leave after graduation is not meant to be a vacation; he will be required to put on his dress blues and travel with the recruiter to high schools to promote the Marines, so he and she won't get a whole lot of time together before he has to go back down for combat training and then his schooling for his position. Altogether, he will be away from her for several months, and I know he'll have the opportunity (after boot camp) to meet other girls and experience a little more of life. If you read my prior posts, you'll have seen that she is only the third girl he's ever dated, and only his second real girlfriend. He proposed to her right after he signed his delayed-entry papers. They had been dating for two months at the time.

She bought her dress in January right after he proposed. She's gained about 25 pounds since then and now outweighs Nick (and no, she's not pregnant). If he goes through with this, it should be interesting to see what happens when he graduates from boot camp...

[Zulu 36]

I hope this girl isn't expecting to be rolling in high cotton on a Private or PFC's pay, even with BAH. He will have a lot of mandatory expenses for haircuts, uniform cleaning, and various odds-and-ends. Also, the standard deductions for income taxes and FICA. Even in a tax-free combat zone, they still take out FICA.

As many Marines have commented here, the Marine Corps will insist on coming first on his priority list. There won't be a whole lot left over for bon-bons. She can also expect to have to find a job too.

Plus, what if he goes straight to Okinawa on an unaccompanied tour?

Then there is the big monster under the bed: What happens if he doesn't make it through boot camp for some reason? Has he thought out Plan B? I'll bet not. Don't let them live at your house.

[Marinestepmom]

The rehearsal dinner was tonight. There seems to be some major tension between Nick's and fiancee's mothers as they are both major control freaks. (Fiancee may be one too, but we haven't gotten to know her well enough yet.) Her mom was saying that she thinks Jessica (fiancee) will be a basket case for the thirteen weeks that Nick is in boot camp but that she will be able to join him on weekends when he is in combat training and his schooling for his job position. Is this true? We were told originally that she couldn't come down to visit him and would not be able to be with him until all of his training was through and he was being deployed (depending on where that is.) Is this true?

[Lisa 23]

True....she will not be able to visit him while he's at MCT (Marine Combat Training) or his MOS school.
They're not even married yet, and there's already problems starting.......

[Marinestepmom]

So...except for his 10-day leave after boot camp, they will not see each other until he's done with MOS? If this is true, I wonder where they got the ideal that she will be able to visit him on weekends.

His fiancee is not a horrible person, but they are both VERY young and have no clue about anything. Nick has lived a sheltered life. He has never lived or even traveled anywhere on his own. Given this fact and Nick's immaturity, he really needs to have a lot more experience under his belt before he makes such a life-changing decision as marriage. I would think that entering the Marines would be enough of a life-changing decision in itself; adding a premature marriage into the mix is a recipe for impending disaster.

[Lisa 23]

So...except for his 10-day leave after boot camp, they will not see each other until he's done with MOS? If this is true, I wonder where they got the ideal that she will be able to visit him on weekends.

To the best of my knowledge, this is true!!! Another Marine can come along and correct me if I'm wrong.

[Marinestepmom]

Can I get another Marine's input on this question?

[Marinestepmom]

He's getting married tomorrow. I know he will have almost no contact with the 'outside world' during boot camp, but fiancee and her mom told me that she will be able to visit Nick on weekends while he's in combat training and schooling. We were told otherwise (that they can't see each other during that time). Which is true?

[Lisa 23]

Marinestepmom......They both need know that Nick is training to become a Marine, and visits aren't allowed during MCT and during his MOS school. His MOS school could be on the west coast, that is, depending on what his MOS is.
Is she going to be able to afford to come and see him on weekends during his MOS school? Probably not, and no....the Marine Corps will not pay her transportation for her.
What's going to happen if his first duty station happens to be overseas on an unaccompanied tour? The future wife is going to go crazy not being able to go with him. She better get used to things now......the Marine Corps comes first, not her. If she happens to stick her nose where it doesn't belong in regards to what your step son will be doing in the Corps, they will ride his arse big time.
Does she also realize that she's going to have to get a job to help out with the bills? PVT's & PFC's don't make a ton of money.
Wow.....this young lady is in for a very rude awakening once your step son gets through boot camp. She's going to realize that she can't go everywhere Nick will be going.

The military can make or break marriages, I've seen it happen.....it's not for everyone.

Good luck to you Marinestepmom!

[DJ860420]

Some MOS schools do allow the spouse to accompany and will pay for her going out there. Not all though, usually just the maintenance and intel ones. And one thing though, his 10 days boot leave is his vacation. Leave is something he EARNS at a rate of 2.5 days a month. He is not his recruiter's little helper buddy during that time. The recruiter is just trying to get some free help. If he wants the kid to help him out tell the recruiter to get him recruiter's assistance and extra days home to work there.

I got married on my way to my first duty station. My wife got pregnant after a few months with me as a LCpl. We had my daughter when I was a Cpl. I was broke as hell until my first deployment. But we had each other and we did awesome. We just clicked and had each other. But I will agree that I am a rarity not the norm. Finally as a Sgt with an Iraq deployment and re-enlistment I am just now feeling like I make plenty of money and never worry about it. Keep in mind this is my 6th year in the Marines so it takes a long time.

[Marinestepmom]

His MOS is in Virginia (or so we've been told). Her mom said that they've been saving money so that she can go down to visit him on weekends. Her mom got married when she was 19 (same age as Nick's fiancee), which was 27 years ago, and is still married, so she doesn't have any problem with this wedding. Apparently, she has forgotten that she knew her husband for more than 2 months when he proposed; also, he did not enter the military a month after the wedding. She has no idea how much Nick will change during boot camp and training.

She said last night that her daughter will be a basket case for the 13 weeks that Nick will be in boot camp. This whole thing just feels so wrong. I am still hoping that my stepson will get cold feet and say 'I don't' instead of 'I do'.

[Lisa 23]

Instead of spending what money that she has saved going and visiting him on weekends (maybe-maybe not at MOS school), she should save that money for when Nick gets to his first duty station, wherever that may be, so they have money to get by on until she gets herself a job to help with bills and food. That would be the smart thing to do. Maybe this is something that Nick should tell her.
Life isn't going to be easy on a Pvt or PFC pay for the both of them is she doesn't get herself a job to help out.

On a side note....what does his recruiter think of this?

[Marinestepmom]

I have no idea if his recruiter knows that he is getting married. Since I'm 'just the stepmom', I have not been allowed to talk to Nick about his decisions. I had written him a letter expressing my concerns in a loving, caring way that he is likely biting off more than he can chew and that his fiancee should be enjoying being a teenager instead of moving into an adult role too soon. I had my husband read it, and he told me that I shouldn't give Nick the letter as it would probably make him angry--although there was nothing in the content that implied that Nick is being foolish and immature (although I think he is).

[Marinestepmom]

How long had you and your wife known each other before you were married? How old was she?

[DJ860420]

My wife and I knew each other for a few years as friends, and dated a few months maybe. We had a great foundation and just clicked. I was 20 when we married and she was 25. Luckily she had enough life experience for the both of us haha.