Poolee getting married...need advice

[Marinestepmom]

I found out that Nick's fiancee's parents had a discussion with them and advised them to not have children for at least 5 years. Perhaps the future in-laws also feel that this marriage is not likely to last.

It would be so much easier if Nick and his fiancee would just get in a huge fight sometime within the next 2 months and break up!!

[Old Marine]

I'm staying out of this one. I have only been married to the same lady for 55 years next month.

[Marinestepmom]

Congratulations! Did you get married before you went to boot camp?

[Old Marine]

No. Got married after I had three years in and was a Buck Sgt. Had many money problems back then as the pay was much less than it is today. Cereal was pretty cheap back then and we ate a lot of it. Wheaties were the meal on most days. But we survived. My wife was only 17 when I robbed the cradle. I was a rip roaring 21 and a big bad Marine. You might tell you step son that a whole lot of married Marines these days qualify for food stamps through welfare.

[Tennessee Top]

Only time will tell if your stepson is making a big mistake. They just may surprise all of you and have a successful marriage although the odds are tremendously against it.

I remember, when I was young and "in love" as a buck sergeant. My NCO's and Staff NCO's told me not to get married (she was from Nicaragua) but naturally, I wouldn't listen to anybody because "she was the one".

Our marriage lasted till my very first deployment and she got a visit from Jody...EXACTLY as my NCO's and Staff NCO's predicted. After that, I gave the same advice to my junior Marines but they never listened to me either.

As parents, you have already voiced your opinions and that's really all you can do since the kids are adults. So, just step back and keep your fingers crossed for the best.

Good luck to everyone.

[doc h fmf]

I MAY SOUND LIKE A WIMP BUT I JOINED THE NAVY AFTER HIGH SCHOOL NOVEMBER 1981 AND WAS DISCHARGED IN 1992. GOT MARRIED 8YRS LATER JULY 2000 AND AM HAPPILY MARRIED GOING on 11YRS WITH A BEAUTIFUL 10 YR/old DAUGHTER AND A WONDERFUL WIFE IAM GOING ON 48yrsold and the wife will be 39. I HAVE NO REGRETS

SEMPER FI

STEPHEN DOC HANSEN HM# FMF

[Mongoose]

I tend to agree with Dave on this. The man is old enough to lay his life on the line for his Country. Hes old enough to marry when he wants. And I would never go behind my 22 year old sons back, just because I didnt agree on his decision. You may even force a wedge between you. Hell, we were all young once. How many of us listened to our parents when we thought we had the one we loved. Its his life. Let him make his own decision.

[Phantom Blooper]

I, Poolee Showershoe, take you the United States Marine Corps to be my lawfully wedded life,
knowing in my heart that you will be
my constant friend,
my faithful partner in life,
and my one true love.
On this special day of arriving at the MCRD,
I will give to you
in the presence of God and all those in attendance at DEP my pledge&sacred promise to stay by your side as your faithful servant
in sickness and in health,
in joy and in sorrow, as well as
through the good times and the bad .
I further promise to love you without reservation,
honor and respect you, give you my 110% and
provide for your needs as best I can.
I will protect you from harm,
comfort you in times of distress,
grow with you in mind and spirit,
always be open and honest with you,
and cherish you for as long as we both shall live!!!!!!!!

[USNAviator]

Billy, what's this TEND to agree with Dave stuff???? I thought you would say, Dave is right, like he is around 100% of the time.

Dave I noticed Billy has been sort of hedging his bets lately. Checking to see which way the wind is blowing. It's easy to understand, he's been in politics in Texas for over 35 years and no politician ever says anything until he sees which is most advantageous for him

[Marinestepmom]

I am very late in thanking you for all of your advice. An update--the bridal shower was almost a month ago and it was very strange (a whole other story). After the guests left, my stepson's future in-laws sat the two of them down and advised them not to have any babies for at least 5 years. I am hoping they heed this advice, but as I stated before, Nick is very bullheaded...and a new issue has cropped up. His report date is 8/29 (just over 2 months from now), but he has been to 2 poolie exercises lately and he has not mastered the 5 pullups. He can only do one or two, so he gets singled out and yelled at, and then he's crabby for the rest of the day. He's still doing PT, but he needs more, so my husband has been trying to get Nick to go to the gym with him. Much of the time, the plan falls through because Nick either doesn't have the time, or he has to take his fiancee to work (she doesn't have her driver's license yet), or he has a softball game, or he's going to her parents' cottage for the weekend, etc. My husband wanted to get him in the gym this coming Saturday, but Nick, his fiancee, and his best friend are going to Michigan International Speedway on Thursday for a race and will not be back until sometime late Sunday.
sequences?
Nick is famous for procrastination, and I think he feels he still has plenty of time (he doesn't).

Is this another one of those times when I keep my mouth shut and let him suffer the consequences?

[Marinestepmom]

Oops...I see a couple of typos in my last post. (My laptop plays games--the cursor likes to jump around to different areas when I'm in the middle of typing. Very annoying.)

What I am trying to say is that my stepson seems to have his priorities mixed up. His mom is afraid that he 'won't join' but my husband has assured her that since Nick signed a contract, he's 'in' and they will 'make' him be ready. Is he correct?

[Lisa 23]

My take on your stepson......
He doesn't have his priorities straight with wanting to be a Marine, or he'd be doing what he needs to do to master those 5 pull ups. Seems very "unmotivated" to me. Most, if not all, poolees are very motivated and PT like there's no tomorrow. If he doesn't like getting chewed out by his recruiters, then he really needs to get his but in gear and decide if being a Marine is what he really wants. Just because he signed a contract, doesn't mean that he's "in".
If poolees don't attend their poolee functions and "improve", well....he'll wind up getting his but chewed out some more.........

[wildwoman73]

If I were his father I would ask that he wait til after boot camp and have a Marine wedding where the Bride goes under the USMC Swords. It will be a unforgetable wedding to be beheld by all.

Or he can have a civilian wedding.

OH excellent game plan!!! Yes, this is a great idea.

[Marinestepmom]

To give a little more background on my stepson: Nick has ADD, and unfortunately, one of the hallmarks of this is emotional immaturity. So he's going on 22 but is more like a 16- or 17-year-old. He was on Ritalin from first grade until his senior year in high school. I'm not for medicating kids, but in his case, it really helped him focus. He was still an average student at best. His mom, like every parent, wanted to see him succeed in school so she helped him with his homework and he was tutored continually throughout the year (even summers). Unfortunately, all this 'help' made him lazy and he never developed good study habits or became very self-sufficient. (He didn't tie his own shoes until he was about 9 years old because he knew that if he didn't, someone would do it for him.) We all wanted him to succeed, but I think his mom did way too much for him. Her heart was in the right place, and I don't think she realized the consequences at the time.

After he graduated from high school, he took some college courses but quit because he didn't know what he wanted to do and was tired of paying for classes that were not in a particular area of study. So...he decided that the military might point him in the right direction. We wish this for him too, but we are also hoping that this will help him grow up and become an adult. (I was going to say that it would help him get his head out of his rear end, but that's a little harsh...)

Nick is basically a really good kid, but very immature and totally without direction. He is very much a follower rather than a leader, and some of the 'friends' he has been hanging around since graduation are headed down the wrong path, and Nick seemed to be following in their footsteps...not a good thing.

As far as the marriage thing goes, I think he's nervous about joining the Marines and wants to know that someone is waiting at home for him. He likely asked his fiancee to marry him only because she was who he was dating at the time. Neither one of them has any clue what marriage or real life is about--but Nick is VERY bullheaded and stubborn and will do the opposite of what someone advises him to do.

Nobody likes to see their kids get hurt (physically or emotionally), but I think with all this, we're just going to have to stand back and let him screw up if that's what's going to happen because that's the only way he'll learn--and be there for him when the train wrecks.

[usmcdanno]

You would suggest a recruiter lie?.........shame on you! LOL






Y

I think you might be on to some good advice. Here is what you do:

You go talk to the recruiter (without your son knowing it). Tell the recruiter to tell your son if he gets married before he goes it will disqualify him completely. Then you can go to your son and be all, "I'm sorry son. We were totally in support of you getting married, but I guess you'll have to wait until you hit the fleet." My guess is the relationship won't make it to boot leave. You guys save face by making the recruiter out to be the bad guy and your son stays single for at least a few more years!

[this advice was totally sarcastic and is not supported or endorsed by leatherneck.com or it's affiliates... *wink*wink*]