Poolee getting married...need advice

[Marinestepmom]

I have thought from the beginning that this is a marriage that was not meant to be. Both of them were far too young and had only known each other for a couple of months when they got engaged. Her mother really pushed for this wedding; it seems like she was eager for her daughter to get Nick's military benefits. Don't get me wrong--Nick is a great guy and would make a wonderful husband--in about 7 years. And if she were my daughter, I would encourage her to wait at least until Nick's four years were completed and also to go to college and at least get some direction in life before she even thought about getting married. As it was, they were engaged before her 19th birthday and got married 6 months later. She has no education beyond high school (graduated in 2010) and no clue about what she wants to do with her life other than follow Nick. I don't think anyone is ready for marriage at that age and it's essential to figure your life out before you can be a permanent part of someone else's. Nick needs to concentrate fully on being a Marine and serving his country, with no distractions.

If his first assignment is unaccompanied, I think she will get tired of waiting for him (understandable given her age and the whole situation). I just hope that whatever happens after that doesn't wreak havoc with his military duties.

[Marinestepmom]

Nick graduated from infantry training and is now at Camp Johnson, so he didn't go very far from Camp Lejeune. He is not going to Virginia. My husband spoke with him tonight and Nick said he's going to be where he is for about 4 weeks, but we don't know where he goes next. Bride is moving down in about 3 weeks. This should be interesting.

She posted photos of her birthday celebration on Facebook. I am guessing that she probably didn't feel very good the next day.

[Lisa 23]

I was at Camp Johnson for supply school. I don't know if much has changed, but there's not a whole heck of a lot to do down there.

Unless things have changed, there's no base housing for married couples, so I don't see the new bride living on base with him. And personally, I think she can wait the 4 weeks he's in his MOS school until he finds out where his first duty station will be.
You never know, his first duty station could be overseas on an unaccompanied tour.

[Marinestepmom]

Nick did say he was bored when my husband spoke with him last night...but he had just gotten there, and bride flew home earlier in the day. She's going back down on Saturday. They're planning on getting an apartment off-base, but I don't know how much of a housing allowance he'll get and she has no job (and probably no savings either given how she loves to spend money). She also has a brand-new car to pay for, and they have a 7-month-old Husky/Border Collie puppy who is housebroken but is completely out of control otherwise. Nick has never lived on his own, and bride's total experience was sharing an apartment with 2 roommates for about 3 months last year--so I'm guessing that neither one of them has any idea how to run a household. (They lived with her parents until Nick left for boot camp a month after the wedding.) She's posted on Facebook about how happy and excited she is because she and Nick are finally beginning their life journey together. Neither one of them appears to be grounded in reality very much, but I think Nick is probably a little wiser about the situation. I went online just out of curiosity to see how much apartments in the area charge for rent, and they're not cheap. I don't see this as a good situation at all. Bride is used to being a princess but Nick needs to concentrate on MOS.

If Nick's first assignment is unaccompanied (and my gut feeling is that it will be), she'll be stuck down there by herself with no family or close friends. Trouble may ensue...

[YLDNDN6]

Trouble MAY ensue? You have just spelled out the perfect recipe for disaster. I'm with Zulu36 on this one. As harsh as it sounds, your son, and the Corps, would be better served without wifezilla muddying the waters.

[Marinemom32]

Nick graduated from infantry training and is now at Camp Johnson, so he didn't go very far from Camp Lejeune. He is not going to Virginia. My husband spoke with him tonight and Nick said he's going to be where he is for about 4 weeks, but we don't know where he goes next. Bride is moving down in about 3 weeks. This should be interesting.

She posted photos of her birthday celebration on Facebook. I am guessing that she probably didn't feel very good the next day.

haha I get a kick out of how you refer to her as "bride" and not her name or daughter in law...I am sure this "bride" is not who envisioned your stepson to be married too.....

[Marinemom32]

Trouble MAY ensue? You have just spelled out the perfect recipe for disaster. I'm with Zulu36 on this one. As harsh as it sounds, your son, and the Corps, would be better served without wifezilla muddying the waters.

I agree with both of you as well...she obivously doesn't understand that the Marine Corp is always first. If his assignment is without her, this will turely be a test of her love for him and his for her.....

[Marinestepmom]

I refer to her as 'bride' mostly to protect her identity (although she has a common first name). Since we have spent very little time with her since she and Nick started dating in late 2010, she doesn't really seem like a daughter-in-law. The other thing is that my gut feeling (which is right at least 90% of the time) says the marriage won't last, and then she won't be my daughter-in-law anyway. I don't actually dislike her, but she is obviously VERY immature and clueless about life in general--then again, pretty much everyone is at that age. It's the whole situation that bothers me the most as I can see the train wreck that lies ahead.

You are right in surmising that this is not the girl I envisioned for Nick. Actually, I hadn't envisioned anybody for him as I knew he was nowhere near ready for marriage and didn't think it would happen for several years. It's funny...shortly before he met her, he stated pretty emphatically that he wasn't going to marry until he was at least 27 and that he felt he shouldn't even have a relationship while he was in the Marines because it would be too difficult.

So here we are, a little over a year later, and Nick has been married for 6 months. I think that the only reason they're still together is because they've mostly been apart since the wedding. When I read her Facebook posts about the two of them beginning their life journey, I was tempted to comment that they are also beginning their reality. I'm sure it would've gone right over her head.

As I said earlier, this will be interesting.

[Phantom Blooper]

People I think we got TROUBLE right here in Garden City,Michigan.....with a capital "T"!

We surely got TROUBLE right here in Garden City with a capital "T"!

One consolation is that when the "bride" moves to be with Nick.....it will be his 1st Sgts.....NIGHTMARE with a capital "N"!

[Zulu 36]

People I think we got TROUBLE right here in Garden City,Michigan.....with a capital "T"!

We surely got TROUBLE right here in Garden City with a capital "T"!

One consolation is that when the "bride" moves to be with Nick.....it will be his 1st Sgts.....NIGHTMARE with a capital "N"!

The other problem here is First Sergeants don't put up with nightmares for long or with good grace.

[MarineDAD92]

As I said earlier, this will be interesting.

I know how you feel there, at this point all we can to is sit back and watch, and listen if/when it does turn south.

My son also got married "too soon". What helps us though, is that we are crazy about our daughter-in-law. She has been part of the family for several years now even though they've only been married 8mos. They have already been through some trying times but seem to be working together pretty well.

As we all know, the reality of marriage rarely lives up to the "fantasy". Also, from listening to several young Marines( and thier spouses) , the reality of the Marine Corps is pretty far removed from the image they had as poolies. So being married at this point is going to be a double dose of reality. Lots of changes in store for this young couple, hopefully things will all work out for the best.......whatever that may be.

[Marinestepmom]

I might not have such an issue with the whole situation if Nick had known her for longer than 2 months when he proposed. She was only the second girlfriend he had ever had, wasn't even 19 when they started talking marriage, and was just 7 months out of high school. I have the biggest issue with her mother, who was really eager to marry off her daughter and had the entire wedding planned before we even met her and bride's dad for the first time. If she were my daughter, I would've told them it was okay to be engaged but to wait until Nick was done with his 4 years. If they still were together at that time and felt the same about each other, then I would give them my blessing. As it is, they've only known each other for 15 months and we still barely know her. I think she parties too much and stated on her Facebook page a few months ago that she drinks too much--yet she doesn't want Nick to touch alcohol if he's not with her. Her mother is pretty controlling and I think bride is headed the same way.

The train will be leaving the station for the long dark tunnel soon. I'm not sure when the wreck will occur, but it seems almost inevitable. I just hope Nick learns whatever lesson(s) he is supposed to the first time. I would hate for him to be a 'repeat offender'.

[Marinemom32]

I might not have such an issue with the whole situation if Nick had known her for longer than 2 months when he proposed. She was only the second girlfriend he had ever had, wasn't even 19 when they started talking marriage, and was just 7 months out of high school. I have the biggest issue with her mother, who was really eager to marry off her daughter and had the entire wedding planned before we even met her and bride's dad for the first time. If she were my daughter, I would've told them it was okay to be engaged but to wait until Nick was done with his 4 years. If they still were together at that time and felt the same about each other, then I would give them my blessing. As it is, they've only known each other for 15 months and we still barely know her. I think she parties too much and stated on her Facebook page a few months ago that she drinks too much--yet she doesn't want Nick to touch alcohol if he's not with her. Her mother is pretty controlling and I think bride is headed the same way.

The train will be leaving the station for the long dark tunnel soon. I'm not sure when the wreck will occur, but it seems almost inevitable. I just hope Nick learns whatever lesson(s) he is supposed to the first time. I would hate for him to be a 'repeat offender'.

I don't blame you for one minute. Two months is hardly enough time to get to know each other. I really feel for you. Hoepfully Nick will not let himself be controlled. I wish nothing but the best to them and you...I know this has to be hard for you to sit back and watch

[Marinestepmom]

I think any conscientious parent or step-parent finds it difficult to sit back and watch their son/daughter 'screw up' and resist the urge to step in and set them straight. But at the same time, you know that this is part of growing up. You want to spare them any pain (physical or emotional), but you know you can't, so you just have to hope they don't self-destruct in the process.

[Marinestepmom]

I just found out that bride purchased furniture for their apartment: 2 couches, 3 tables, 2 lamps, and a 50-inch flat-screen television. The store she bought them from regularly runs deals where they charge no interest for 3 years and pay the sales tax. The catch is that you still must make monthly payments and if you don't have the principal paid off by the time the no-interest period is over, they will charge you interest on the entire original amount, at a high rate. (I know because we've bought items from them in the past. Never again...) She also is asking people to accompany her and Nick on a snowboarding trip scheduled for February 20.

This girl has no job and has a brand-new car. Nick can't be making much money. I am afraid she will ruin his credit. Should I just let the proverbial doo-doo hit the fan? Any advice?