Back home from Nam

[manilalaguna29]

I loved the way people would insult you but not directly. They would say something derogatory about Vietnam vets knowing you had been one. College was a ***** in California with all the liberal know it all *******s, but I stuck it out. Never told anyone I had served in the Marine Corps. Getting a job was not easy. You had to account for the time, I had the feeling that if I had put down on the application that I had been in prison I would have had more job offers. I'd say it took about 10 years to get over my 29 months in RVN. This was only part of it, what hurt most was ruined relationships with people I really cared about.

[DRB]

You know I consider the Vietnam era "the greatest generation". The World War Two vets had the support of the entire nation. It's easy to do something when you are surrounded by support. This was not the case with the Vietnam veteran. See it takes a special man to stand up for what he believes in when he has the support of very few. This will be the legacy of the Vietnam veterans. They had courage when nobody else did.

[USNAviator]

Thank you all so far for your responses. I posted the reasons why I did this in the OP.

Does it bother you when these political, social, educational groups want to reach out for a group hug and say "Welcome Home?"

[radio relay]

When I left Vietnam in October of '70, I didn't come back to the States. I was reassigned to Okinawa, and spent roughly the last six months of my enlistment, and tour in WESPAC, at Camp Schwab.

Okinawa was still controlled by the United States, but the Okinawans were rioting quite a bit outside Kadena. Trying to force the U.S. to give Okinawa back to Japan. Almost everybody in my unit (H&S Co, 7th Comm Bn) were Vietnam Veterans, short timers, and salty as hell. Discipline was pretty lax, and racial tensions were high. About three months before I was due to get out, I got into a fight in night club in Naha with a black Air Force officer who had been disrespecting the Marine Corps, and I got busted. I was glad when I could finally come home.

When I got back to CONUS, they loaded us onto cattle cars and took us to Pendleton, where I spent three days processing out of the Marine Corps.There was race riot in the barracks on my last night in the Corps. Several Marines were put in the hospital, and several ended up in the brig. I was real glad I was in San Diego celebrating.

==================
I went up to San Francisco, and took a job working as a groom with thoroughbreds at Bay Meadows, with an old friend. I never mentioned that I'd been in Vietnam, or was a Marine. Nobody cared. It was just me and my thoughts. I'd actually experienced a lot more overt rude and insulting behavior from people before I went to Vietnam, in 1969. In 1971, people were tired of it. Didn't care about us Vets, nor so much about the protesters either.

In November of '71 (about six months after I got out) I landed a job working for the Army in Thailand, Maintaining the microwave links between the Air Force bases in Thailand. Spent another two years in S.E.A. This time as a civilian.

=================
It never really hit me, until that day in May of '75, when the embassy in Saigon was being evacuated. I was a student at the University of Colorado. Married and had a 2 yr old daughter. My reaction really surprised me. I remember taking my little daughter for a walk on campus. Sitting under a huge cottonwood tree, tears streaming down my face while she played in the grass. All I could think of were the faces of those young Marines in Vietnam. Some long dead by then. All for nothing, because our country, and our people had turned their backs on us!

"Thank you", and "Welcome home", The Wall, and all the rest of it are nice, and well meaning. If approached, I smile and say something like "it was my pleasure" ... but, I still have a bitter, little hole in my guts. It won't go away. When I'm alone, I can hear the sobs and screams of the wounded and dieing. I still shed tears for them. I will until I die. So much lost and wasted because our country, and our people, thought more of politics than they did of us who fought and died in their name!

[ecfree]

To late for a group hug from a politician or any kind of club.......
when I came home the civilian population of this country ( college KIDS ) mostly sucked,and now some of those nit wits are our senators,mayors or govenors-----...........................
My 2 cents.........
SEMPER FI.........................Ed

[03Foxtrot]

I must say that I was one lost soul when I returned to the civilian world in December of '69. It was almost like a bad dream that I know really happened but since I had no support or understanding except for my immediate family, minus my sister who still believes better red then dead and that all wars are wrong, I was all alone. I felt like I was still at war, only without my buddies that I left behind. College was almost impossible and work, except for construction, was not agreeable to me. Relationships never really worked and I made so many mistakes and poor choices that I decided to become a loner. Unfortunately, I did marry several times and with divorce and child support, I remained poor as well as unhappy. For many years I fought internally with the memories of why I had enlisted and what I had done and how nobody seemed to care about the eventual end to the war, win or lose. I fought to win the war and I fought to survive and I needed my nation to acknowledge the sacrifice of those men who died or came back physically and mentally wounded. Only when I attended the dedication of the Wall in Washington D.C. in November of '82 did I begin to admit my personal flaws and realize that I wasn't alone in how I felt. I am now much older and wiser and I am still flawed to a degree that I will never get over and I am beyond healing and I admit that I am bitter, but I continue to fight the good fight and remain loyal to my buddies and my Corps and my country, despite the way I was treated, with reservations of course.
Semper Fi, Scott

[rufus1]

I have never attended a single function that they have been doing for the Vietnam vets for the past few years. I feel it is too little too late for me to accept and feel any warmth or fuzzieness. I like a lot of vets feel better in our homes anyway out of the crowds and probably would not have went if they had done it way earlier. There is a lot of great orginazations for us VFW,DAV,Vietnam Vets of America.American Legion etc. etc. ect. but I do not belong to any. I send money to a number of them to help out what they do but never have been able to get myself to join.

[Captain Kirk]

We landed in El Toro. All were in wheelchairs, stretchers or crutches. Hippies outside the whire next to the tarmack hurled fruits and vegitables and called us murders, baby killers. PTSD was not named yet, but the killer instinct was only suppressed by our disability. Last year a stranger came over to me in a resturant and thanked me for my service. That was the first time.

[doc h fmf]

I Dont Know If I Have Any Right Being Here But I Just Want To Say Thank You For A Job Well Done And I Loveyou My Brothers

Semper Fi And Godbless You My Brothers


Stephen Doc Hansen Hm3 Fmf

[advanced]

When I left the Nam, and later got out of the MC and went home I don't remember any negative comments from anyone. The day I got home I took off my uniform and never looked back.

A few months after getting out I became a cop in April 70 and went through the 12 week academy. It wasn't something I was sure I wanted to do because I didn't want to kill anyone ever again. I graduated in the top 25% of my class and our reward was they sent us all into the downtown projects in the high crime areas. My second night on the job 3 cops on my shift were shot in one incident, non fatal, and the guy that did it ended up with about 150 rounds in him.

Being a cop back then was very brutal and hard-core and none of us talked about being in the Nam or the military. I remember in 73 one of the Naval Pilots that had been a POW in Hanoi was raising hell in the apartments he was living in. We tried to calm him down, but after the 3rd call (the charm) my partner wanted to lock him up. I told my partner that he would go to jail before that man, the POW, did.

I remember back in the early 70's seeing a lot of guys raising hell. When asked who they were they'd tell me they had just gotten back from the Nam. I'd ask them who they were with and then I'd tell them who I was with. They'd straighten right up and say no problem sir.

My life was filled with shootings, stabbings, robberies, assaults, disturbances etc. In 75 the dept. started the TACT Squad and I was chosen for the Cobra Team (the entry team) which I loved, more adrenaline rushes. I remember making assaults on the Outlaws Motorcycle gang compound. They were hardcore back then but so were we. They didn't try anything with us. The Night that we fought the Hell's Angles and put 7 of them in intensive care and charged them with assault to murder, and we scalped them (took their colors).

I had no readjustment problems as I was hooked on all the adrenaline rushes. I also went to school and got my degree. Back then there was a lot of pressure on going to school, "what's a cop need an education for?" One of the Dr's in the psychology dept didn't like me because I told him his class on deviant behavior was bs, total opposite of all the deviants I was seeing every night of my life.

On the vice squad they actually gave me money to go out drinking and pick up hookers on. I perfected my skills to a science, kind of ojt. As an adrenaline junkie I kept needing stronger and stronger fixes. I was finally able to break the need and I resigned and went into business.

My Marine attitude which included there was nothing that could stop me aided me well and I made a great deal of money, and caused a great deal of problems in my personal life. PTSD started getting in my way in the late 80's thought I didn't know what it was then. I went back to school and got a graduate degree.

I came out of the closet as a Marine and a Viet Nam bush Marine about 3 years ago. I'm still too strong for many, it's surprising how the pc crap has effected so many people. I'm known for being a "little blunt" and calling it bs when it is. I find that being a VN Marine is a double edged sword. It attracts many people to me, but on the other hand it can sure **** some people, the weak and the mild, off.

Semper Fi Till I Die. And as many of you know I'm not afraid of that.

[FistFu68]

I got medivacted Home for Christmas Commander,while pulling into Bethesda Naval Hospital,The FREAKS surrounded the Ambulance I was in,and threw Balloons of Red Dye all over it,when it Hit the Windows and Burst open I flased on Men's Heads exploding All over again.But in a deep sence guess that's what I fought for,The right for these respectful pieces of Chit too do their Free Thing? That was My Welcome Home Parade Sir

[ChuckH]

When I left the Nam, and later got out of the MC and went home I don't remember any negative comments from anyone. The day I got home I took off my uniform and never looked back.

A few months after getting out I became a cop in April 70 and went through the 12 week academy. It wasn't something I was sure I wanted to do because I didn't want to kill anyone ever again. I graduated in the top 25% of my class and our reward was they sent us all into the downtown projects in the high crime areas. My second night on the job 3 cops on my shift were shot in one incident, non fatal, and the guy that did it ended up with about 150 rounds in him.

Being a cop back then was very brutal and hard-core and none of us talked about being in the Nam or the military. I remember in 73 one of the Naval Pilots that had been a POW in Hanoi was raising hell in the apartments he was living in. We tried to calm him down, but after the 3rd call (the charm) my partner wanted to lock him up. I told my partner that he would go to jail before that man, the POW, did.

I remember back in the early 70's seeing a lot of guys raising hell. When asked who they were they'd tell me they had just gotten back from the Nam. I'd ask them who they were with and then I'd tell them who I was with. They'd straighten right up and say no problem sir.

My life was filled with shootings, stabbings, robberies, assaults, disturbances etc. In 75 the dept. started the TACT Squad and I was chosen for the Cobra Team (the entry team) which I loved, more adrenaline rushes. I remember making assaults on the Outlaws Motorcycle gang compound. They were hardcore back then but so were we. They didn't try anything with us. The Night that we fought the Hell's Angles and put 7 of them in intensive care and charged them with assault to murder, and we scalped them (took their colors).

I had no readjustment problems as I was hooked on all the adrenaline rushes. I also went to school and got my degree. Back then there was a lot of pressure on going to school, "what's a cop need an education for?" One of the Dr's in the psychology dept didn't like me because I told him his class on deviant behavior was bs, total opposite of all the deviants I was seeing every night of my life.

On the vice squad they actually gave me money to go out drinking and pick up hookers on. I perfected my skills to a science, kind of ojt. As an adrenaline junkie I kept needing stronger and stronger fixes. I was finally able to break the need and I resigned and went into business.

My Marine attitude which included there was nothing that could stop me aided me well and I made a great deal of money, and caused a great deal of problems in my personal life. PTSD started getting in my way in the late 80's thought I didn't know what it was then. I went back to school and got a graduate degree.

I came out of the closet as a Marine and a Viet Nam bush Marine about 3 years ago. I'm still too strong for many, it's surprising how the pc crap has effected so many people. I'm known for being a "little blunt" and calling it bs when it is. I find that being a VN Marine is a double edged sword. It attracts many people to me, but on the other hand it can sure **** some people, the weak and the mild, off.

Semper Fi Till I Die. And as many of you know I'm not afraid of that.

[montana]

i felt more fear on the plain ride home then on the way to Nam...i knew i wasnt the same person that went over...as i said befor was told to keep a low profile becaus we were not well liked when we landed in sunny Cali...they kept the protesters away from us with a high woven wire fence but could still hear them jearing us .... took my uniform off in the reastroom in the airport and changed to civies.....i got home here in Montana about 2 in the morning...sorta like sneeking in....first thing i did and what made my then wife think i was nuts was to fill the bathtub up with cold clean water five times and drain it out....i had told my bros i would do that for them when and if i made it home...i never got a welcome home till i came into this site...hell most around here didnt even know i was in the service...i kept such a good low profile...its hell when you thought you did right..... didnt know i was suffering ptsd all these years ....with every minut of my life still in nam...the nightmares flashbacks....the listening to others telling me it was then not now get over it....tried to deal with it with ol joe bottle....spent lots of time in and out of jail...instead of bloting nam out the whisky put me back there worse.....stoped the booze and the jail thing quit...think most the cops sorta understood...they treated me half way deacent....had no suporte what so ever..till one day i read an atical on ptsd...thought what the hell is this...it just described the last 30 some years of my life...bout that same time my wife was working for soscial servises...and was takeing a cours on how to identify ptsd in children...not to say i was acting like i kids....for the moste part that is....but she was recognising the simtumes in me....after a long talk we desided to check out VA see what could be done to help out
the dreams day and night are still there but i at least know why....also the survivers guilt

[03Foxtrot]

Montana,
Hang in there Bro, you may feel alone, WE may feel alone... but I've still got your back and I know you've got mine. The miles and time separate us, the bond however is intact.

Semper Fi, Scott

[Mongoose]

I was court committed to a Texas state hosp. ( nut ward ) 5 times in the early 70s. I would have episodes where I would be watching things that happen to me unfold before my eyes. I could hear the rounds going off. Hear the screams for mother, God, and Corpsman. I could smell the sulfur and hear the popping noise rounds make when they are near misses. All the while, it was like I was floating in the air and looking down on all this shet. When it was over, I never realized I was screaming also. They would put me in, dope me up for a couple of months. Then let me go. During the fifth trip, I met a woman shrink that put 2 and 2 together. Besides my wife, it was the best thing that ever happened to me in my life. I learned to deal with and endure my mental ghosts. But today I have no regrets for my experience. What I regret is that those whose life kept on being happy and gay wouldnt give me the time of day. Never a thank you, for being able to sit at home in their recliners watching t.v. I regret that they didnt get to spend a week in a grunt unit in Nam in 68. May be things would have been different if they had.