AD Marine Officer & Child Custody problem

[UTexCody]

Good morning Marines. First of all I apologize this is pretty lengthy. I am an O-2 stationed out here on the Rock right now, and I have an issue regarding child custody. Basically a little background here. After I graduated from the University of Texas at Austin, my long time girlfriend got pregnant and 9 months later she gave birth to our awesome son. Anyway, due to various reasons, we are no longer together and my boy is now 3, and his mother pretty much despises my guts with a passion. She would probably be happy if I just dropped off the face of the Earth, but she isn't so perfect & innocent herself.

We had originally decided on sharing custody of our son, but since I am in Okinawa, that somewhat became a problem and he is with his mother back home in Texas. The other week I got a letter from her attorney in Texas stating that she intends on filing for sole custody of our son and not allowing me any visitation to my son. Obviously being in Okinawa, I cannot see him unless I go home on leave, but I am concerned about when I return back from Okinawa, as to how this will affect everything.

I spoke with the Legal Assistance Office here and was told by a Major (who in all honesty did not like me too much based on my attitude as I was told) there that I really do not have many options right now since I am in Okinawa and we are not married. They told me that the case would have to be dealt with in Fort Worth since that is where my boy's mother lives and where she filed the custody case and that I should get in contact with a lawyer in Texas if possible. I was also told that since I am overseas and could deploy that the courts would not look favorably upon this. The other option I was given which I did not like the sound of and it didn't sound right is file a motion to contest what boy's mother sent me in a Japanese court, since that could be considered the jurisdiction I come under. I do not feel comfortable having the Japanese court system deal with this and I didn't even think that was possible.

I am thinking my only other option is to get in contact with an attorney back home in Texas and have it dealt with that way. I just don't want to lose my boy and I don't think its fair that she is not wanting me in his life. I know for a fact that courts in Texas almost always side with the Mother in cases like this. I also was told that Japanese courts are usually the same. I will be damned if I allow her to get away with this and not let me be in my boy's life. I have less than a year left on the Rock, and I am going to fight for my boy even if it bankrupts me. I already have a very significant portion of my pay allotted to an account back home for him, and I love him more than anything. I just feel like she has an advantage over me right now since I'm overseas. I WILL DO EVERYTHING in my power to stay in my boy's life (even if it means having to separate from the Corps sadly). I really appreciate any advice here from anyone, especially in the legal field. I also have browsed a few legal forums too around the internet, and they have been helpful, but they don't really cater towards the Military. Have any of y'all ever been in a similar situation, or know anyone that has? I am sick and tired of being told that I have no say in this issue. This is my boy that is a part of my life too, and I do not see how I should not have a right to fight for him. I didn't know where else to turn at this point. Thank you or any information / advice / opinions y'all may have.

[wildwoman73]

Not to discourage you any more than you already are, but you better find an attorney in Texas and consult with them ASAP. Tarrant County is the worst to deal with on child matters of custody. If she gets her way based on your location now, you will spend thousands of dollars later just to add that little bit of visitation in there when you return. My sister fought to get custody back of her son and spend over 30k proving his father unfit and they STILL did nothing but say NO. Get busy Sir is all I can say.

[VictoryttBold]

I'll get some info on a good attorney in the DFW area for you.

[USNAviator]

Lt. for two years I was our squadrons FRO (Family Resource Officer) Part of my duties was to give advice to our enlisted crew mates in situations similar to your own

By all means please contact an attorney back home and see if he can get a GAL (Guardian Ad Litem) appointed for your son. Usually it's a social worker but it can also be a retired judge, doctor etc. Both you and your son have rights but your sons rights are paramount. He can't speak for himself so a GAL is appointed to step in. I'll assume you have been making support payments

The other issues are out of my realm of knowledge. Best to go civilian with them if you can afford it

If you have further questions about the GAL PM me. Good luck and don't give up hope

[UTexCody]

Thank you all for the help so far, I sense this is probably going to be a long drawn out fight

[USNAviator]

Thank you all for the help so far, I sense this is probably going to be a long drawn out fight

I can guarantee that it will, unless she runs out of money

[wildwoman73]

You have no idea.

[UTexCody]

I got some pretty helpful information from Dave. I am going to look into a lawyer he referred me too. It's just I don't want to not be in my boy's life. I would even resign my commission and move back to Texas if that was the only way for me to be in his life.

[USNAviator]

I got some pretty helpful information from Dave. I am going to look into a lawyer he referred me too. It's just I don't want to not be in my boy's life. I would even resign my commission and move back to Texas if that was the only way for me to be in his life.

Dave's damn good attorney just don't tell him I told you so. He'll show you the best way to get things done

Good luck Lt.

[USNAviator]

I gave you his name and phone number----his reputation is as a no nonsense, get it done kind of lawyer, the kind you need. He's not obnoxious, he knows the law and is not about to let the mother dictate what goes on.
You will find after talking to him that he knows his stuff. You need someone like him who will not allow the other attorney to dictate what happens. True, the woman may intially hold the cards, but not all of them. You hold some. But your son holds a lot more, and the courts will do what is best for him, not for his mother. As I said, the talk she is talking is scare tactics, naturally. This happens in every single case like this.
Once you talk with this atty and retain him, he will immediately call the other atty, they might even know each other, or he will refer you to someone in Fort Worth. He practices down that way also.
The main point is this. Your attorney will be aggressively making sure this is not a one-sided deal. You don't have to do anything. He does it all. A burden right off of your shoulders from day one.
The courts do what is best for the child. If it is best for the child to have his own father visit him regularly, then they do it. The mother can go off on tangents all she wants, she does not sit on the bench in the courtroom.
So, bottom line, an aggressive attorney will immediately call the other atty and they will talk it out to the advantage of both parties, keeping the child's interests paramount.

Exactly Dave, the child is the most important part of this equation

[USNAviator]

Yep. It appears to be one-sided, but it's not. A lot of guys fool around and wait until the woman's lawyer has everything going for her, then they might hire a lawyer after they've signed their life away. That is nonsense.
The best thing to do also is to not speak with JAGs on the base anymore, as they are not versed in Texas probate and family law, which is the only controlling thing here. All they can do is advise you about child custody very very generally, and they will then advise you to get your own civilian attorney in your jurisdiction. So they cannot, by law, be of a whole lot of help, try as they might.
You will be in good shape if you get the ball rolling at the very same time she gets the ball rolling, so she does not have the advantage of doing all this legal work before you get a chance to jump in.
Hang in there, my friend, and PM me as needed, if you have trouble contacting that lawyer in Burkburnett, etc.
With situations like this, any guy needs to jump right on this immediately if not sooner, to be in good shape later on.

Dave did I give correct advice re. a GAL? The child's welfare is the most important issue and since the child can't speak other than through the mother well......?

[VictoryttBold]

Mom, Dad, sisters, brothers, relatives ?

[VictoryttBold]

I would think that if UTex had family that is involved w/ his son that would be beneficial.

[USNAviator]

Yes, Commander (I like calling you by your first name instead of "Dan") the atty will take care of that, too---UTexCody has to do nothing more than contact an atty asap, let the attorney do it all, then Cody can sit back and watch it happen, without worrying about it night and day as anyone would.
Same with anything in life, same with surgery, you need an operation, you call a doctor immediately, instead of trying to figure out how you are going to perform the operation. You do nothing, the doctor does it all, from day one to the final resolution. Same thing with law, criminal and other areas.

LOL Dave my first name isn't Commander. Of course I haven't checked my birth records recently ...lol.. But I truly do appreciate the respect. And you are one hell of an attorney........

[Old Marine]

Lt. remember that in cases like this the only winners are the lawyers, and the loser usually ends up being the child.