Family Issues?

[ONeill]

I come from a non-military family. When I told my parents and siblings I wanted to join the Marines they were not thrilled but had no objections. As I have been working out and the time for me to go is getting closer my family is becoming distant. My sister wont talk to me, and it almost seams like most of them are disappointed in me. I know its mostly fear and misunderstanding that is causing them to act this way, but does anyone know a way for me to talk to them? Is anyone else going through this issue? I have a good friend support system however I would love to find a way to get my family behind me in this situation.

[achilles097]

I come from a military family and live in a pro-military area. I have seen this a lot with friends and family. What you are describing is actually really common and natural. NO mother will not be worried or concerned when they hear their child is joining the military. Parents want what's BEST for their kid. Traditionally that's wanting them to go to college, making a good amount money and then having a family. I know that because my family is pro-military and that's still what they expected of me. After one semester of college, I decided it wasn't for me and enlisted. They progressively became more supportive, but certainly not overnight. Who wants their child to be in harm's way? People who are not familiar with the military probably won't understand that not everyone "is on the front lines".

My dad and mom are supportive, but like they said, "We will be much more proud of you when you graduate boot camp." Your parents will see the change and realize the new experiences you have picked up. The worrying will never leave, but the proud feelings won't.

[ChrrySkoal]

I live with a foster family and they love the fact I enlisted but my foster father doesn't want me to go. I have the same problem, like I feel more distant from him then I ever had. He's basically my father since he's been more of a father then my own. But like the last few weeks he's been seeing how I'm more respectful and more responsible since I'v started going to Poolee functions. I think he'll come around hopefully your parents will to. Stay Motivated!

[Wesley07]

I'm going through this same problem. My mom and dad weren't too thrilled when I told them I was joining the, Corps. They said it was a "stupid move, I'll regret it, Stay in school" and other discouraging comments. That was a month month ago, now we don't talk as much and we seem distant. It sucks not having your parents support but as, Achilles, mentioned maybe after boot they'll be more understanding.

[C_Squash_D]

All I get is discouraging comments and dumb phrases like "You can't wait to die, huh?" or "1 week of bootcamp and you'll knock on our door begging for a comfortable bed".

Not much better with friends, since most of them are heading towards Army or Air-Force and tell me that I'll "get shot in the head" and "Marines are cannon fodder".

I try not to give a damn about all that. If you let people discourage you, then I think you're not stable.

[Wesley07]

Yeah, I could careless what friends or other people say about me joining the, Corps. Their just made they didn't make it here or don't have the balls.
On the other hand if your parents give you crap, it's gonna get to you. I don't care who you are. Unless you were brought up being dissapointed and talked down too. Even then I still think it would get to you.

[PooleeGewarges]

My family also thought it was stupid to join. My mom always tries to ignore me when I talk about the Marines.

Just trust your gut, and believe in yourself. It is all YOU, and no one else. YOU are the motivator of yourself.

[Pinstriper]

I'm going to share this from a Dad's standpoint. Two years ago, my then Recruit, came home on his 20th Birthday and told Me, Mom and little Sis that he had joined the Marine Corps. He was sworn in and put on delayed entry the next day. Our first thoughts and concerns were EXACTLY what your Parents are going through. Instead of growing apart we became closer. It is UP TO YOU to pull your families together. Initiate the discussions, sit down and talk with them show them that you DO love them and that this is your career path. The Marines commercial is absolutely right...few hear the calling. You, Gentlemen, have heard that call.

As Parents we feel every pain that you have had, skinned knees, elbows, bumps on the head. We were there when you were born, and we've gave unconditional Love throughout your life. When we hear that you've joined, we play back EVERY moment of your young lives and until you have your own kids, will NEVER understand the hurt, pain that is in our hearts. We spend our lives protecting our children and only want the very best for our kids, for them to have the things we didn't and for the chance to see our lives carried on. Sometimes we do not know how to approach you about your decision, we lash back because something we've put our life into is going to where we can no longer protect them. I've been there...I made the mistakes I cannot correct.

I am not anything more than a Dad...who loves his Son dearly. A Dad that should have had a few more conversations, played a little more ball, went fishing more often. At the same time, if he would have played a little less playstation, nintendo...It is a two way street. Am I disappointed that he joined the Marine Corps, absolutely not. I could not be any more Proud. Am I scared for his safety, I absolutely am. I still see him as that little Guy at T-ball...Pee Wee Football...

Take the time to TALK to the ones you think are 100% against you NOW. You'll find out that it isn't against you, it comes down to nothing more than LOVE and what i've mentioned. You'll be surprised how things will change when you take that little bit of time.

[DudefromDiego]

I feel where you are coming from. But it isn't with my family, but rather my "friends". Everybody knows that San Diego is a pro-military town. You would think my suck ass failure of a school would be the recruiters wet dream. WRONG. My school is full of hippies (there is even a club called Hippies for Love) and I have had my share of verbal and physical confrontations with these pukes. I have been spit on, called baby killer, you name it. And this is just as a Poolee. But my friends are jsut as bad. When they ask me what I'm doing after high school, they remember then go "oh yeah, that's right, you ****ed yourself over" or "Did your recruiter get you the job of bullet catcher?" My school is extremely biased, and actually requires a college application for the senior exhibition. They push the college bound atmosphere too hard. I want to go to college, yeah. But I have other priorities. I could easily have gotten into SDSU or some other school, but chose not to. I never give them crap for their post high school plans, yet they hassle me. I need to get new friends it seems.

[RBrouse]

I'm going through a few things with my mom lately. For starters she was completely against me joining even though I have been talking about it all through out high school, and even she pointed out she should have saw it coming looking back at all the things I did as a kid. Like watching a lot of war movies, and always playing solider and she even pointed out the only books I would ever read were books about war or military, and guns I was obsessed with guns as a young child, but when my senior year came she wouldn't even go to the recruiting office with me. When people asked me what I was doing after high school and I was with her she would say that I haven't decided on a college yet or something like that and wouldn't let me speak. I had to wait until I was 18 to sign and I didn't even tell her about that for almost another month when she found my PT shirt. When that happened she stopped talking to me for a few days.
Then she sat me down for like I'm not kidding 4 hours and talked to me about it she basically said she'll try to support me but its hard for her and to forgive her if she acts unsupported or tries to get me to change my mind, BTW she cried a lot. She has been supportive after the first few weeks of shock by like meeting my recruiter, telling me she's proud of me, doing a lot of her own research on the corps, and just little things.
But Lately she has shifted and almost went back to how things started. She came into my room today and talked to me for awhile and she straight up said " I don't think its your destiny to join the Marines, I mean look at everything thats happened I think god is trying to tell you to not join and I think you should listen" the everything that happened that she was talking about was I've been getting injured/hurt a lot lately, like deep cuts in my ankles from playing foot ball in snow with my RS also frost bite, I got ran into by some one and he kneed my leg causing me not to be able to walk and my whole thigh turning black, a couple dislocations (plus a few others that I can't really mention) and most recently I separated my shoulder in a hockey game. Now cant even do push ups because of the pain, but my doctor told me it will be healed in a month or so. But back to my point ever sense I started getting hurt my mom has been pushing really hard to get me to quit she's been trying to unmotivate me and even went as far as taking away my gym membership. which now I have to pay for my self. she is still even trying to get me to go to college by sending in applications for me, and worst of all she called my Sgt. one night and told him that I was out drinking and asked him to drug and alcohol test me tomorrow and if I failed asked him to kick me out. He told her as long as the police don't get involved he cant do anything. He also gave me massive amounts of S**t the next day at PT. I'm sorry this was so long winded but it is fresh in my mind considering the conversation I just had with her and all the things my mom has done the best advise I can give if your dealing with unsupportive family's is to ignore them. When push comes to shove your family will always have your back and the best thing to do is just do what you want to do and they will see that eventually.

*Edit: Also in her defense she comes from a very non military family, every man in her family up until her dad was a pastor and I'm the first in that side of the family to do military except for her dad who was drafted in WW2 but all he did was load and unload boxes off of ships and stuff, but even he would never talk about it at all, and my uncle or my dad's step brother is a Capt. in the airforce and just got back from Afghanistan he would send back an Email every week about being over there and he was on a Marine base for most of the time he would tell story's of the mortars and IEDs and his convoy's getting attacked and not censer it at all (there were some pretty gruesome things in there) so that didn't really help at all, but I know she will come around I just have to wait and sympathize with her until she dose

[ChrrySkoal]

I actually feel bad for anyone that choose's college over military...In four years after spending about 85 grand-120 grand and some guy just out of they military is way more experienced and disciplined and debt free takes the job they want. The economy doesn't look good so why not serve your country get a free education and a better chance at getting a job after. But all in all I enlisted not for of the benefits, I got my reasons. So don't really listen to your friends who bash you for you decision...they'll be sucking wind later on

[Vise]

Friends that dont support you going into the military aren't your real friends. People in general who have a negative perception of the Armed Forces are generally not the kind of people you want to hang around anyway. How can you lay your head on your pillow at night while people in Afghanistan are being shot at and not be at least a little appreciative? Blow my mind. Parents, like most of the public, don't understand anything about the military other than what they see in movies or television shows. Some people choose not to know, like my mother. She supports me, but every time I try to lay down the facts for her she says I think I know every thing and that I'm "disrespectful". Parents also like using the "when you go into the military" line in order to make you do what they want at the moment. I usually ignore that one.

[achilles097]

RBrouse, sounds a lot like my mom. We had some fight, and she took it for disobedience so she put a US Army folder filled with recruitment stuff on my bed as a symbol. My next step was to see if she was behind me and then I threw it in the garbage. Afterwards, I spoke to her about the Marine Corps, and then she became concerned (a bit contradictory huhh). She calls everyday (she's out of town..) and tries to ask questions, but in truth, her questions have an ulterior motive such as, "Why is your recruiter interested in YOU", "What does he say about WMDs in Iraq?". Her side of the family is mixed about me joining. Another cousin of mine joined up, and they calmed down ever since he graduated basic training, and by the way, I mean Army.

My father coming from a military family, totally different. Since I told him I was going in with a 03 contract, he insisted I dig a foxhole, sleep in the back yard with my dog eating nothing but MREs and shoot squirrels away with a water gun. The Marine uncle looked me square in the eye and spoke some words about the Corps in the 1960's (after calling my 'Sonny'), "You can be disqualified for looking at the doctor the wrong way today and hurting his feelings, but in my day the only question they asked you was 'Have you killed anyone? If so, was it on purpose or an accident? If it was on purpose, congrats, you're in.'" My father never served, and to be honest, felt the Marines were propaganda at first. It wasn't until he met my recruiter that his mind eased a bit. Like I said earlier, it was all about graduating boot camp. He gave me a quick Congrats after swearing in and didn't say anything else. In my family, actions speak louder than words, and those actions, your new profound discipline, honor, integrity, and those other values that you come out of boot camp with, your family will notice.

I feel kind of elated I grew up in a military town as a secondary support system. Nearby was Quantico, Fort Myer, the Pentagon, the Iwo Jima memorial, 8th and I, HQMC, tons of other monuments. Going to PT every tuesday and thursday on the metro it's very humbling to listen to Colonels and Generals listen to their career in the military. It gives you a new perspective on what careers become in the long road, and it gives you the chance to ask why and how THEIR families were like. Ever since I saw the Iwo Jima monument as a boy I knew I was going to be a Marine. I live five minutes away from the Pentagon and saw the flames from my house on 9/11, a mental picture that will always stay with me.