I'm confused

[afraziaaaa]

Ooh rah
I need some help or guidance I suppose. My mother and I don't talk. I haven't seen her in 3 years. My step dad called today and said she is passing away from brain cancer. It hasn't happened yet. But my great grandma calls my crying and I felt terrible and didn't know what to do.. And then if my mom dies I get custody of my 13 yr old sister who I also haven't seen in 3 years.. I'm an 18 yr old PFC In the USMC. I don't want that. Then her real dad calls me who I haven't seen since the 8th grade.. He says he wants her and mother kept her away from him. My great grandma wants me to take her 2 states away to see my mother and I don't want too. Is it terrible that I don't want to see her? She was a terrible mother and never there for me.. I moved away as soon as i was of legal age. I don't know what I'm feeling. I just wanna stay in my girlfriends house because it seems like everybody wants me to do something because I'm the Marine. I don't even know how I feel about all this yet. Why would I make amends with the woman who said she would see
Me in he'll... Any advice?

My father was never involved in my life. Pretty similar story to yours. He drank, and gambled away my diaper/formula and eventually child support money away. I resented him for this for a very long time. When I was a Corporal stationed in Japan, he became ill and I received a red cross message stating that he was on life support and had less than a week to live. I knew that when he died, those feelings would stick with me unless I went and saw him. I went on emergency leave and found him unconscious in the hospital.

Being his eldest child, I was left with the decision to continue his life support or let him go. He had a daughter whose mother was not mine, but wanted nothing to do with her. My sister eventually became a ward of the state because I could not take her on as a dependent. (I was 21 at the time and stationed overseas.) I made the decision to remove my father from life support. Before I did that I spent time in his hospital room with him, and my anger. I sat there and even though he was unconscious, I knew that he hated himself for all the poor decisions that he had made. In that moment my feelings towards him changed from anger to pity and I said aloud "Nobody's perfect, especially me. Your lack of presence in my life helped me become who I am today. I forgive you. I hope you do better next time".

Once I became willing to forgive, the pit of rage and resentment began to fade. I learned to accept my life the way it was, instead of blaming others for what I didn't get handed to me in life that I felt that I deserved; even if I simply felt that I deserved a fair shake at life, or a mother who wasn't abusive, and a father that wasn't neglectful.

I think you know what the right decision is, Marine. What I hope you take away from this is that any decision you make should be for you, and not out of guilt or feelings of family obligation. Whether you see it or not, you are poised to grow from this twisted situation. One day, you will be in a position to help somebody else going through the same thing. Life doesn't hand us anything we aren't ready for. All you have to do is show up for the opportunites to play out.

[Mongoose]

I dont know what caused the distance between you and your mother. But if you dont at least go see her. Youll feel bad about it on down the line. If you dont do it for your self, do it for your dying mother. Shes he only one you will ever have.

[tripledog]

I went thru the same thing with my father. I cannot tell you the times I have regretted not seeing him before the funeral.

4 hours at the most will not hurt your young life. The rest of your life is a lonnnng time to regret not saying goodbye.

I dont know you, you dont know me, but I most strongly recommend you go see her before the funeral.

If you do, one day you will think back on this post and thank God that you listened to the ones giving that advice.

If you dont, you will NEVER forget the advice given and not taken.

Im telling you llike it REALLY will be.

[sparkie]

Don't deny what you can"t bring back. Mother, father, sister, brother, and much more all gone. When you're older you will know what you should have done.

[03Foxtrot]

I suggest you go and offer her forgiveness by your presence and even if you don't feel it yet, one day you will and you will realize that it was for yourself as much as your mother.
Like they say, fear is temporary, regret is forever.
Respectfully offered as requested advice from someone you don't know.
Semper Fidelis, Scott

[slambert]

Right now Im saving up leave and I might make the journey to Arkansas this summer. She was just diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer and they give her up to one year to live. I still havent decided yet. I understand both sides of all of the comments and this decision is very hard. I hope in the near future I make the correct one that I will not regret. Semper Fi. Cant tell you how much all these posts mean. They taught me some lessons in life believe it or not. I hope the next junior Marine who reads this is able to learn something as I did.

[lonewolf121]

Go see your Mom. Parents are not perfect; some are downright disgraceful. My Dad took off when I was five, after my Mom tried shooting him in the head and missed, leaving me and my sis with this incredibly unstable woman. She is pretty out there and would let her anger show us right and wrong, and because of it I've taken special care not to raise my little ones the same way. I stopped talking to my Mom a while back. Then a year or so later she calls and talks. Sounded like she had found some pretty good meds...finally. I don't necessarily take much from our conversations on the phone; but I have forgiven her. I can't tell you how comforting that feels. My sister still fights with this demon; I hope someday she will be able to do it as well. If my Mom passed while we weren't talking I would never had found resolution and my forgiveness would have turned into a bitter pill stuck somewhere between my heart and my head. Go see your Mom. I would suggest strongly calling her first; so it's just you and her. Let her talk, listen, try. That way when you see her you will be prepared for what you are walking into.

[tdrt]

Right now Im saving up leave and I might make the journey to Arkansas this summer. She was just diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer and they give her up to one year to live. I still havent decided yet. I understand both sides of all of the comments and this decision is very hard. I hope in the near future I make the correct one that I will not regret. Semper Fi. Cant tell you how much all these posts mean. They taught me some lessons in life believe it or not. I hope the next junior Marine who reads this is able to learn something as I did.

Okay. But have you talked to your command/legal/chaplain yet? They need to know what's going on.