I'm confused

[slambert]

Ooh rah
I need some help or guidance I suppose. My mother and I don't talk. I haven't seen her in 3 years. My step dad called today and said she is passing away from brain cancer. It hasn't happened yet. But my great grandma calls my crying and I felt terrible and didn't know what to do.. And then if my mom dies I get custody of my 13 yr old sister who I also haven't seen in 3 years.. I'm an 18 yr old PFC In the USMC. I don't want that. Then her real dad calls me who I haven't seen since the 8th grade.. He says he wants her and mother kept her away from him. My great grandma wants me to take her 2 states away to see my mother and I don't want too. Is it terrible that I don't want to see her? She was a terrible mother and never there for me.. I moved away as soon as i was of legal age. I don't know what I'm feeling. I just wanna stay in my girlfriends house because it seems like everybody wants me to do something because I'm the Marine. I don't even know how I feel about all this yet. Why would I make amends with the woman who said she would see
Me in he'll... Any advice?

[Zulu 36]

Ooh rah
I need some help or guidance I suppose. My mother and I don't talk. I haven't seen her in 3 years. My step dad called today and said she is passing away from brain cancer. It hasn't happened yet. But my great grandma calls my crying and I felt terrible and didn't know what to do.. And then if my mom dies I get custody of my 13 yr old sister who I also haven't seen in 3 years.. I'm an 18 yr old PFC In the USMC. I don't want that. Then her real dad calls me who I haven't seen since the 8th grade.. He says he wants her and mother kept her away from him. My great grandma wants me to take her 2 states away to see my mother and I don't want too. Is it terrible that I don't want to see her? She was a terrible mother and never there for me.. I moved away as soon as i was of legal age. I don't know what I'm feeling. I just wanna stay in my girlfriends house because it seems like everybody wants me to do something because I'm the Marine. I don't even know how I feel about all this yet. Why would I make amends with the woman who said she would see
Me in he'll... Any advice?

You've got quite a dilemma there, no question.

You should also go see your 1st Sergeant and CO through your CoC. They can best advise you on the whole matter and possibly refer you to a JAG. This is important so they know what is going on in your life, can support you, and make allowances in case your work is affected.

My guess is if your sister does have an identifiable biological father who is suited for being a parent, and wants her, custody would probably be given to him and not you anyway. It is also unlikely a court would give you custody because of your situation. Custody is not an automatic thing in a situation like this.

Whether you visit your mother or not is your call. But, she is your mother, such as she was. Maybe you should take the high road and go see her if you can get leave. Nothing says you have to go to the funeral later. Plus, years down the road you won't have any regrets from not making the effort to see her for a final time. One gets a little nostalgic when one gets older.

Good luck. Let us know how it all goes for you.

[slambert]

Thank you Sgt. That really helps. Ooh rah

[Big Jim]

Yeah....I say at least go and speak to your biological mom. Some time down the road as you mature in age and in mentality....you'll be happy you did it. Even if things don't go well you can at least say you tried.....and I know you can live with that. Hell, I lived wiithout a father....so I know you could do it too. Good luck Marine...!!

[hbharrison]

What Zulu just told you is correct take the high road on this.

[josephd]

ditto what the others have said. But I will also add...

Don't feel bad or guilty if you really don't want anything do with your mom, sister, or any of the family. You have your own life and career as a Marine to worry about. Also remember the Marine Corps is your family now and will always (should) be there to take care of you.

[Sgt Leprechaun]

Wow. That's an awful lot to dump on an 18 year old PFC.

My wife went through a somewhat similiar situation. She left home at 21 and never looked back. (Spent 2 years after HS taking care of siblings and going to college prior to enlisting...no real parents other than her). Anyway, her family expected her to drop EVERYthing, return home, and take care of her mother who had multiple strokes and was dying. Well, that meant she would have to leave me and the kids, which she wasn't going to do. Her family had treated her like crap all her life and expected her to drop everything. When she didn't, her father (a real piece of work I assure you) said that he 'disowned' her. Good riddance, said she. She wasn't even informed of her mothers funeral.

If you've escaped the 'drama'...going back may just get you sucked back INTO it. Something to consider.

Yeah, the high road is a good thing for your OWN well being...but sometimes, you just have to cut it the frack loose.

[Wyoming]

Whether you visit your mother or not is your call. But, she is your mother, such as she was. Maybe you should take the high road and go see her if you can get leave. Nothing says you have to go to the funeral later. Plus, years down the road you won't have any regrets from not making the effort to see her for a final time. One gets a little nostalgic when one gets older.

Agree!!

[TunTvrnWarrior]

I take it that you are at your MOS School. Sit down with one of your instructors. Tell him what you have told us. He will contact the appropriate people in your chain of command that you need to talk with. They need to know what is going on so that they can help you.

I grew up in Metarie. Based upon what you have told us, the combination of your mother and growning up in New Orleans tells me you had it pretty rough kid. I am glad you are one of us.

[TJR1070]

Talk to your chain of command and ask to see the Chaplain, that would probably be a good start. Even if you are not religious they are usually good people that want to help you in time of need. Good Luck Brother.

[0331 2 0369]

My mom wasnt the best of mom's but she was my mom. I didn't go back home much after I enlisted because I didn't want all the drama that came along with it.

My mom and dad divorced right after I joined. My dad, being a Marine himself, always told me to do whats best for me after I joined. He fully understood how important my time off was to myself. I usually spent more time with him when I went home on leave than I did with my mom.

Just before my dad passed away, he told me to not forget about mom and remember who she is and what she did do for me. Took me a couple of years for that to really soak in but it finally did. I went and spent a week with my mom and we talked more then, than we had in the previous 10 yrs. When my mom was about to pass away, I felt better about our relationship even though it was rough as a kid.

Your mom is your mom. Nothing will ever change that. Your decission will affect you the rest of your life. I think the big question you have to ask yourself is this....... How do I want to remember my mom when she is gone? The answer to that question can only be found from doing a little soal searching.

As for your sister, her dad would be whats best for her. They both need that time.

As a parting note, I will keep your mom in my prayers. And hopefully when he number is called, she will pas peacefully.

Looking at your profile.... Are you still in Va Bch? If so and you want to talk, let me know. I am local and willing to sit down and shoot the shiit with you if you feel the need.

Semper Fi and good luck.

[slambert]

Thanks for everything. What each of you posted sincerely helped me in my decision. If my mother passes away I will attend the funeral. Other than that I don't want any drama. I escaped that life and never want it back. My sisters real dad called me as soon as he found out looking for custody if something happens. I said I was more than willing to allow it. Other than that I'm just playing it ear. My girl has been nothing short of amazing for me. I owe her a lot for helping me make my choice as well as reading all of yalls post from fellow Marines. I'm back in New orleans now and I plan in staying here. I have to update my profile. That's my fault. Ooh rah and thanks again

[SGT7477]

She is your mother, do the right thing Marine, Semper Fidelis.

[Apache]

Say again
She is your mother and sounds like you wont have another opportunity to see her
I speak from experiance on this one----------
Mine passed before I could book a plane

Talk to your chain of command /chaplin
develop a strategy

excecute

[TunTvrnWarrior]

Seriously, it would be a good thing to go see her. You may get crapped on by her. But do it. If you honor and respect her in spite of what she has done and especially if she doesnt deserve it, good things will come back to you later on down the road.