Please help

[STPatterson]

Ok, I'm going to be straight to the point. For my entire life I have wanted to join the Army. In the past year I met with a marine recruiter, and my opinion totally swayed to the Marines. I have never wanted to do anything more in my life, ever. A few months back I told my mom that I wanted to enlist in the Marines (i was originally going to go to Army ROTC at UGA) and she hated the idea. She wanted me to do a year of college at least before enlisting in the Corps....so I said ok, seems fair enough, right?

Now, part 2. Last spring one of my closest friends enlisted and he just graduated yesterday. Seeing him graduate into something that i want to do so badely, and seeing how happy and proud people are for him makes me feel mor than ever that I want to join. The problem is that I told me mom I would do a year of college. So now I am stuck. I don't know what to do. I know I want to join more than anything, but I want to make my folks proud and happy too. How can I tell my mom that I want to go ahead and join? Any help would be great...sorry for the long read. Thanks!

PS-If I am in the wrong area...sorry. I just joined today.

[USMC2571]

Well, just one person's opinion, and they may move this to Ask A Marine, but, here goes anyway----number one, what you told your mom does not have the binding quality of a statement made under oath in a court of law or in some legal document, so what you told her and what you end up doing, although two different things, I would not feel bound by that. She shouldn't end up insisting that you not go back on your word, either. You said OK, mom, one year of college. That was a statement. Now you changed your mind. Who would want you to go to college if you didn't want to, just to fulfill a statement made?
So you are not "stuck", but this is just my opinion. The only view that really matters is yours. If you want to join, then go for it.
There have been many many threads about this problem of telling one's parents, or dad or mom or friend, and how to do it etc so look for those old threads under Ask A Marine. This comes up now and again.
I know you are torn between what you told your mom and what you now want to do. Things change, people change, and you did too, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Talk with your mom, if she does not accept it, you need to do what is right for you, not for her. She probably cannot see it from your point of view. Most mothers can't. But how to tell your mom that you want to go ahead and join? Mom, I changed my mind, college will do me no good right now, I know what I told you but things have changed.

[STPatterson]

Thanks for the help...I'll look at the old threads and hear everybody out.

[USMC2571]

Ok, good luck, and if Mos1310, Dan, comes on here, please listen to what he has to say. His advice is always good. Always.
Also, please feel free to PM me, I just got your PM, anytime is more than fine.....

[USNAviator]

STPatterson, I just PMd you also.
There are two guys reading this now, Butch and Dan and please listen to whatever they have to say. They always give good advice. Not to put them on the spot, but if they respond to your question, please listen to them.

Gee why not put the pressure on Dave....

Your a senior in high school, your 17. All well and good but if you have a chance to go to college, take it. You can go the NROTC (make sure whatever college you matriculate at offers NROTC) and possibly earn a scholarship. Or you can go the PLC route, summers during your college career. Or you can wait, graduate and still go OCS

The world in now an open book for you. You are going to make mistakes and bad decisions. I can appreciate honoring your Mom but ultimately, it's your life. Time to start living it

BTW, Dave's no slouch in the advice department either as are many others on here. Good luck to you

[STPatterson]

But I don't really feel I want to go to college. I know it's best for me but I don't want to. At least right now. I know the Marines is what I want to do. It's just hard with my folks is all

Thanks for the advice to the two of you

[USMC2571]

Well said, Commander----but our advice depends in part on what WE did at your age. I dropped out of high school at 16, had to have my mom sign for me, was at Parris Island two weeks after I turned 17, so I could have cared less about college in those days. I didn't even care about high school! So my advice is colored by those experiences when your age.
But Dan is right, if you have a chance to go to college, take it. But if it is not for you right now, I understand that.
And again, on the subject of your mom, very very few moms are going to say oh you want to go into harm's way in the toughest outfit in the world? Oh that's fine son, great. Just what I want you to do! --LOL, that hardly ever happens. Mostly it is OH NO, not you, not now, you have your whole life ahead of you-----so it is your decision, and you will do all right if you obey one rule---never ever make any hasty decision, based on what friends say, or what your parents say, or on what anyone says.....after you have thought it out completely, maybe even making a list on paper of pros and cons, but be careful of making hasty decisions.

[USNAviator]

Well said, Commander----but our advice depends in part on what WE did at your age. I dropped out of high school at 16, had to have my mom sign for me, was at Parris Island two weeks after I turned 17, so I could have cared less about college in those days. I didn't even care about high school! So my advice is colored by those experiences when your age.
But Dan is right, if you have a chance to go to college, take it. But if it is not for you right now, I understand that.
And again, on the subject of your mom, very very few moms are going to say oh you want to go into harm's way in the toughest outfit in the world? Oh that's fine son, great. Just what I want you to do! --LOL, that hardly ever happens. Mostly it is OH NO, not you, not now, you have your whole life ahead of you-----so it is your decision, and you will do all right if you obey one rule---never ever make any hasty decision, based on what friends say, or what your parents say, or on what anyone says.....after you have thought it out completely, maybe even making a list on paper of pros and cons, but be careful of making hasty decisions.

[Respectloyalty]

Hmmm...
Are you responsible?
Do you strive to better yourself and to "walk the walk"?
Do you give out false promises?
Is the Marine Corps not going to be around in a year?
When you tell someone your going to do something and make a promise of it, you keep it brother. Every marine wishes they had a year of college atleast already done...you'll have no regrets waiting a year...but you will regret not going to school in a year if you jump the gun...

[USMC2571]

"I said ok" and "I told my mom" don't seem to be promises, Respectloyalty, as I just pointed out in answering your PM

[SGTBrentG]

First off I agree with the Commander. Secondly, a man is only as good as his word.

[USMC2571]

Haven't you ever promised your buddies you would have a few beers with them, only to not feel too well that next night? I wonder if all promises are equally binding. If you say I promise to do better and you don't, then does that make you not a man of your word? Generally speaking, obviously we honor our promises, but in this young man's post, there was nothing that sounded like a promise, to me.
What if he had promised his mom he would dig ditches the rest of his life? People say things at one point that they cannot possibly carry out. But suppose he had promised his mom he would never go to school and get an education, but would be a laborer in the fields all his life, in accordance with her wishes. Suppose that was actually said. Then to be a man of his word, he would dig ditches all his life. Or the promise would mean nothing. So are we bound by every single thing we say, no matter under what circumstances? I think it is sometimes a gray area.

[SGTBrentG]

Haven't you ever promised your buddies you would have a few beers with them, only to not feel too well that next night? I wonder if all promises are equally binding. If you say I promise to do better and you don't, then does that make you not a man of your word? Generally speaking, obviously we honor our promises, but in this young man's post, there was nothing that sounded like a promise, to me.

I respect your opinion, but a promise to have a beer with your buddy isn't the same as making your mother a promise, in my opinion. I happen to place my mother on a pedestal and if I ever "promised" her something, it would happen. I honestly don't think there is a wrong answer here as long as the young man has a conversation with his mother. But then again......not everybody feels the same.

[TunTvrnWarrior]

Nope, you gave your word. Your word is your bond. Your word should be gold. My suggestion to you is go finish two years and have your associates. Go in to the Corps, and take courses during your enlistment while the Marines pay for it. By the end of your first enlistment you will know if you want to make a career or not, plus you will have a degree by then if you play it right and you will have much more choices.

[USMC2571]

I think a promise is a promise all the time or none of the time, so I don't see the difference between promising to have a beer with your buddies and a promise to do this or that, if a promise is your word and you gave your word, then it is always binding and you cannot pick and choose which promises are promises.
But in this case, there was no promise made. The word was not only not used in the original post, but the two quotes I cited were the only ones used, and it doesn't rise to the level of a promise as far as I can see.
But how can we distinguish between real promises and those that are not so real? We can't. That's why I'm saying that if someone promised someone they would dig ditches the rest of their life, they now have to, as a man is only as good as his word.