Help, In need of Advice!!

[The DUKE]

Too soon old, too late wise is the old adage.
I'm looking at it from this vantage point,
if you bail and join,
the courts might just decide you made a critical error in parental judgment,
I know all you chicks think you got a lock on the power struggle what with feminism in full bloom under these wild and woolly times of no restraint and all but the court system just might look at it like you chose the USMC over your son by enlisting when he was four years old,
just maybe they'll look at it like you might have considered this action long before getting married and having a child then raising him for four years to only decide now your young and youthful desire is actually in another direction.
the courts usually favor the bio mom a lot more than the dad in most cases of family court matters but this might just push them the other way if you walk out on him,
its a different thing if your husband said hes going to join to make your lives better, the child would still be at home in a loving enviro with a mommy,
and dad would be out being a soldier,
they're not going to look at it the same way with a women deciding to do it that way, I don't care how liberal you might think the courts have become.
I just think maybe you should count your blessing and roll on.
If divorce is immanent then wait it out.
If your a single mom and have parents who would take care of your son while you become a Marine then it might not look so bad.

[Trucrimsongold]

Thanks guys for your feedback, and I know what my husband is trying to say because he was a military brat growing up, then joined the Navy himself. He is the only income but he does not want to work at pizza hut his whole life he wantes to go to school and be a game tester...

I do love my son very much, and my marriage is not the issue, we are not happily married, but still married. I am only worried if he can get a court order and never let me see my son again. I know the burden on my son will be huge due to not having his mother around, but if we got a divorce it'd be the same anyway, one of us would never be around all the time...

I know its a decision I have to make on my own but I just needed some advice, I dont have a lawyer yet, but thinking of talking to one. I am not great on the legal stuff of marriage/divorce and children but I'm pretty sure he cant keep me from seeing my son when I am home.

again Thanks all.
*Jennie*

Why do you even think that you would lose your children? Because you become a Marine? I do not know what state you live in but most of the time custody goes to the Mother anyway and you think a judge will look at your desire to serve your country as a bad thing? Talk to a military lawyer.

[advanced]

The enemy once thought that in order to join the Marine Corps we had to kill our own mothers.

[thewookie]

Why are you wearing sun glasses inside? My advice would be to take them off, you probably have nice eyes....

[doc h fmf]

Isnt That A Quote From Karate Kid Part 1? When Daniel La Russo Was Wearing His Sun Glasses To Hide His Black Eye From His Mother? His Mother Said The Same Thing .

Semper Fi Wookie

Stephen Doc Hansen Hm3 Fmf

[JenWenthe]

I know that staying at home and taking care of my son is a big importance, but even if I get a divorce I cant do that because I dont have a job, and for some reason I cant seem to keep a job for long. I dont know why but after a certian time at a job I get fired or end up quitting. My husband is hard working, and a great father, but he is a lousy husband, and as for me, well I know that I lack in being a good mother, wife, sister, daughter, and all of the above.

I just see the military as a way of improving myself, and possibly helping support my son in whatever way I can. I am tired of being a nobody and a loser in my family's eyes... I understand that my son needs both of his parents, but I just dont know how too. I got pregnant on accident, then as a result got married. Things happen for a reason, but sometimes you never figure out what those reasons are. . .

I am just lost. I love both my husband and my son, but I am unhappy with the situation we are in currently. My husband only wants me in school full time becasue we get financial aid and the money I get back from school he wants to spend on things we dont need like a new TV or 2. He is controlling and I am very gullable. =(

and to thewookie- i am wearing sunglasses inside becasue i wanted to take a Hawt pic. hehe

[Warbyrd13]

JR, you hit it right on the nail!! I also agree with Vandrell, but I lean more agreeing with JR. Woman stay home and take care of that son and husband!! PUT YOUR FAMILY FIRST!! For God sake woman keep your family together cause that's what your marriage vow is!! That son needs a Mom and Dad 24/7
Lin

Nope i say the girl needs to dump her hubby. If he is threatening her becuase she wants to serve and will not support her on a decision that will benfit the family then she needs to leave. Is he acting this way if she is trying to get any job or just becuase she is trying to join the military?

Kids are not weapons to be used to keep her home. If you beleive this then you are a Godless moron who needs to be slapped for even supporting this type of behavior. this is border line mental abuse the fact this scum bag would use the kid in this manner.

I can see why she wants to get a job becuase to be honest his dream of being a game tester wont work. he needs to be getting a education in a job field that will support his family, not worring how cool it will be to have his hobby (playing video games) as a job.

I agrea the kid needs his parents but seems there might be more problems going on than we can see.

[jrhd97]

I know that staying at home and taking care of my son is a big importance, but even if I get a divorce I cant do that because I dont have a job, and for some reason I cant seem to keep a job for long. I dont know why but after a certian time at a job I get fired or end up quitting. My husband is hard working, and a great father, but he is a lousy husband, and as for me, well I know that I lack in being a good mother, wife, sister, daughter, and all of the above.

I just see the military as a way of improving myself, and possibly helping support my son in whatever way I can. I am tired of being a nobody and a loser in my family's eyes... I understand that my son needs both of his parents, but I just dont know how too. I got pregnant on accident, then as a result got married. Things happen for a reason, but sometimes you never figure out what those reasons are. . .

I am just lost. I love both my husband and my son, but I am unhappy with the situation we are in currently. My husband only wants me in school full time becasue we get financial aid and the money I get back from school he wants to spend on things we dont need like a new TV or 2. He is controlling and I am very gullable. =(

and to thewookie- i am wearing sunglasses inside becasue i wanted to take a Hawt pic. hehe

At the risk of being called a grade a azzhat, it sounds like there are much deeper issues that need dealt with that the Corps will only aid you in suppressing for a few years. Only to rear it's ugly head again in the future.

[jrhd97]

Nope i say the girl needs to dump her hubby. If he is threatening her becuase she wants to serve and will not support her on a decision that will benfit the family then she needs to leave. Is he acting this way if she is trying to get any job or just becuase she is trying to join the military?

Kids are not weapons to be used to keep her home. If you beleive this then you are a Godless moron who needs to be slapped for even supporting this type of behavior. this is border line mental abuse the fact this scum bag would use the kid in this manner.

I can see why she wants to get a job becuase to be honest his dream of being a game tester wont work. he needs to be getting a education in a job field that will support his family, not worring how cool it will be to have his hobby (playing video games) as a job.

I agrea the kid needs his parents but seems there might be more problems going on than we can see.

In no way are we condoning the actions of the husband. We are also only seeing her side of the story. No matter how well intentioned, the other side never gets it's due in the portrayal.

The fact is she made an COVENANT agreement, not a contract. "For better or worse", does that ring a bell? Quitting on her marriage vows will only lead to more emotional baggage than she understands now. Not to mention the emotional trauma to the kid.

Quiting seems to be a pattern, by her own admission. What will she learn by bailing on this? That you can bail when ever it gets tough and uncomfortable. One of the biggest problems in our society is how lightly we take the marriage covenant. We can't even keep the most sacred vow, let alone a business contract.

You want to throw God into the mix. Great, read scripture. Start with what Jesus taught in Mathew about divorce. Go on to Romans after that. Maybe read some of Dr. Dobson's books or Dennis Reinney, Dr. Chapman or Gary Smalley.

No matter the idiot he is being, she stated she loves him, but is not happy with the current situation. A good marriage counselor would be invaluable at this point. Couple good counseling with an older couple to mentor them and you will see a marriage that has turned around.

You battle this out and salvage the marriage. You will find the future more rewarding than any accomplishment you might make in the Marines.

[AAV Crewchief]

Your marriage and your son takes precedent. Your marriage is a covenant not a contract and your son needs his mommy more than anything else. The emotional trauma that will be inflicted on your son by you joining the Corps is not worth it, unless you are selfish.
Sometimes in life we make decision that alter the course and will no longer allow us to fulfill our dreams. As a parent you have to do what is best for the child.
Stay home and be the best mother you can be. Don't deliberately drive that wedge between you and your husband. Marriage isn't about what I can get out of it and get away with, but what can I contribute. Compromising and striving to stay in one accord with your spouse. Respect your husbands wishes and try to understand what his real motive is behind his stand. It may surprise you why he has made that decision.

+1

[Warbyrd13]

I agrea that we dont know the whole story. An by her updated post on having problems with work an keeping a job there may be issues we only see the tip of the ice berg.

yes they can go an seek marriage cousneling if both parties want to an try to work it out. However he needs to rethink his reeducation an future job fields on how he will support his family.

if she is willing to work maybe she needs to get reeducated herself an maybe look an see what job fields she is good at.

But I will not condone someone using the kid as a weapon. Nor will i codone that she needs to stay with him just for the kid. You can not stay married n miserable for the kids sake becuase it will end up hurting the kid.

I do agrea marriage is a very important thing however I will not advice people to stay together becuase they took an oath an find out later on that they are not togeher forever. That is a lesson about rash decisions they will have to learn from. All we can give them is advice on how to handle it. hardships happen all the time an i beleive some people can work them out but some times people cant. So they have to deal with it.

[JenWenthe]

Thank You guys for your imput, and your right, you are only hearing one side of the story.. as I have considered marriage counseling, but my husband refuses even if it lead to me leaving him or marriage counseling he will not go.. sadly I still have not made my decision on what I want to do. I could give up everything I want and stay at home unhapply. but I dont really want to..I dont like sitting at home being a house wife, while my husband goes out everyday and works, and does whatever whenever he wants while I'm stuck at home.

Again Thanks all for your comments, they did somewhat help me, and made me think. and in the End I know it's my decision to make.

[CrockettJW]

I think you have to make the decision on your own. Are you happy with your husband and is the marriage going to last if you stay with him?

Seven years ago, my wife told me I had a choice to make: the reserves or her. It was the whole thing. I told her that if I quit the reserves to stay with her, then every time we disagreed, she would throw it back at me.

I think it was a good choice. I don't really think it was the military that was the problem in our marriage. We got married when I was on active duty. The military was just the one place where she had absolutely no control and something she knew I wouldn't give up because she said so.

If we were in a happy relationship at the time, I would have considered leaving the military for her, but I had no intention of giving up something I feel is worthwhile to continue a failing relationship. For me, it worked out for the best.

[navyvetmom]

Jen, single parents are not permitted to enlist in military service without having giving up custody for a minimum of at least 1 year PRIOR to even DEP'g in. I suggest you read the USMC Order governing this is P1100.72C, Chapter 3, Section 2 of the Military Enlistment Procurement Manual, Volume 2, Enlisted Personnel (ask your local recruiter to show it to you). Or for more plain language read the attached link
http://www.abanet.org/family/military/silent/singleparent_enlist.pdf
www.abanet.org

This is a result of too many single parents avoiding deployments on the basis of being a single parent. Presently the Army, the Navy and the AF require language in the Court Order when turning over custody to another person that states you are not giving up custody soley for the purpose of entering the military. Currently, the USMC regulation doesn't state so, however keep in mind that the USMC falls under the jurisdiction of the Navy Department. If it is found out that you relinquished custody "on paper" only, you will be discharged as a fraudulent enlister, not something you would want on your record. Moreover, since you are married, your husband and most likely the Courts would not permit custody to go to a third party.

[Tennessee Top]

You are in a bad situation. Mistakes (unwanted pregnancies) happen. But, unfortunately, there are consequences and that is what you're having to deal with now.

I applaud your desire to serve in the military but in your case don't believe it's a wise choice. Being a Marine is tough enough even when your life is in order and everything is going smoothly...your situation is far from that. I think you would be a burden on your command and have your priorities mixed up (the USMC expects it to be your main priority).

I would recommend you forget about the Marine Corps in particular and the military in general. You want to better yourself and be something other than a housewife; you do that with education and hard work/sacrafice. Find some kind of shool you are interested in, apply for a Pell grant, and don't give up till you graduate. There are other women in your same situation doing this every day.

You have some tough decisions to make. As you have learned already, those decisions can affect the rest of your life. Good luck.