Help, In need of Advice!!
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  1. #1

    Question Help, In need of Advice!!

    Hello, I'm a 24 yr old, Married and have a 4yr old son, and i want more than anything to join the USMC. But I have a problem...my husband... He says if I join the Marines that he will take my son and I wont ever get to see either one of them, or at least not my son ever. He gave me a choice to join the USMC or my son...I really want to join the USMC with all my heart but I love my son, so I choose my son...Thing is now he is telling me I can join the Military but only the Navy and only Reserve. I dont know what I should do?? I dont want to lose my son, but I want to me a Marine with all my heart. I <3 the USMC!
    I also <3 my son!

    HELP!! Thank You
    *Jennie*


  2. #2
    Marine Free Member Apache's Avatar
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    What does your lawyer say ?
    what will this do to your marriage ?


  3. #3
    That's a pretty big personal decision you have to make on your own. If your spouse is not supporting your decision to join the military then you have to decide if you want to push forward and deal with the possible effects or not. It sounds like your husband probably has a issue with you being away and maybe a trust issue as well, just guessing. When you have kids everything in life changes and you always have to worry about their best intrest over yours. If your spouse isn't going to support your choice to join then you may want to take a moment to think about if it's REALLY worth it to join the military or not. The grass isn't always greener on the other side, it may seem all glorious and wonderful but it has it's ups and downs.

    I can tell you this, being a single parent and having to worry about deploying, field ops, schools, ranges, extended work hours, duty, etc. all take a very hard toll on children and you as well. It's not easy. If your spouse decides to split because you go forward with joining then you need to think about how that will effect you and if you can deal with that or not, not to mention your son.

    My wife has wanted to join the military since before we got married, she still does but I always have plenty of good examples of why it's not a great idea, mostly for the sake of the kids.

    I don't know what your income situation is either, if your husband is the main income source you have to think about how it will effect his work, say you get stationed some other place and your family has to move, he's now out of a job and your family is forced to live on a E-1/E-2 pay which isn't much at all. Again, that's just me taking a stab in the dark about your situation and just trying to help you see both sides of the story. I'm not saying don't join but I want you to understand that your decision effects more then just you and you have to be 100% sure that it's worth it for everyone and not just you.

    I'm not really sure what kind of help you are looking for in this matter but I hope I at least gave you a little info to go off of.


  4. #4
    Marine Free Member jrhd97's Avatar
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    Your marriage and your son takes precedent. Your marriage is a covenant not a contract and your son needs his mommy more than anything else. The emotional trauma that will be inflicted on your son by you joining the Corps is not worth it, unless you are selfish.
    Sometimes in life we make decision that alter the course and will no longer allow us to fulfill our dreams. As a parent you have to do what is best for the child.
    Stay home and be the best mother you can be. Don't deliberately drive that wedge between you and your husband. Marriage isn't about what I can get out of it and get away with, but what can I contribute. Compromising and striving to stay in one accord with your spouse. Respect your husbands wishes and try to understand what his real motive is behind his stand. It may surprise you why he has made that decision.


  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by JenWenthe View Post
    Hello, I'm a 24 yr old, Married and have a 4yr old son, and i want more than anything to join the USMC. But I have a problem...my husband... He says if I join the Marines that he will take my son and I wont ever get to see either one of them, or at least not my son ever. He gave me a choice to join the USMC or my son...I really want to join the USMC with all my heart but I love my son, so I choose my son...Thing is now he is telling me I can join the Military but only the Navy and only Reserve. I dont know what I should do?? I dont want to lose my son, but I want to me a Marine with all my heart. I <3 the USMC!
    I also <3 my son!

    HELP!! Thank You
    *Jennie*
    He has not right to make such threats and you should reconsider being married to a person who threatens to take your kid from you. Tell him because of his intentions you are going to file for divorce then get a lawyer to deal with him and file for custody. If you can't afford a lawyer then enlist and once you are a Marine go see the Legal Aide department and they will take care of the issue.


  6. #6
    Thanks guys for your feedback, and I know what my husband is trying to say because he was a military brat growing up, then joined the Navy himself. He is the only income but he does not want to work at pizza hut his whole life he wantes to go to school and be a game tester...

    I do love my son very much, and my marriage is not the issue, we are not happily married, but still married. I am only worried if he can get a court order and never let me see my son again. I know the burden on my son will be huge due to not having his mother around, but if we got a divorce it'd be the same anyway, one of us would never be around all the time...

    I know its a decision I have to make on my own but I just needed some advice, I dont have a lawyer yet, but thinking of talking to one. I am not great on the legal stuff of marriage/divorce and children but I'm pretty sure he cant keep me from seeing my son when I am home.

    again Thanks all.
    *Jennie*


  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by jrhd97 View Post
    Your marriage and your son takes precedent. Your marriage is a covenant not a contract and your son needs his mommy more than anything else. The emotional trauma that will be inflicted on your son by you joining the Corps is not worth it, unless you are selfish.
    Sometimes in life we make decision that alter the course and will no longer allow us to fulfill our dreams. As a parent you have to do what is best for the child.
    Stay home and be the best mother you can be. Don't deliberately drive that wedge between you and your husband. Marriage isn't about what I can get out of it and get away with, but what can I contribute. Compromising and striving to stay in one accord with your spouse. Respect your husbands wishes and try to understand what his real motive is behind his stand. It may surprise you why he has made that decision.


    JR, you hit it right on the nail!! I also agree with Vandrell, but I lean more agreeing with JR. Woman stay home and take care of that son and husband!! PUT YOUR FAMILY FIRST!! For God sake woman keep your family together cause that's what your marriage vow is!! That son needs a Mom and Dad 24/7
    Lin


  8. #8
    Have him join the Marine Corps also,lol, Semper Fidelis.


  9. #9
    Marine Spouse Free Member Idena's Avatar
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    This shouldn't even be a question. You have a child who depends on you, & a husband with whom you've become one flesh. The Marine Corps is a very, very noble calling, but not one worth sacrificing the even more noble calling of raising & training your children.


  10. #10
    I agree with pretty much everyone else. I can say with all certanty that my ex-wife has kept my kids from me for over twos WITH a court order. Best of luck to you and think of your son! It tears me up everyday not seeing my kids as well as them not seeing me.


  11. #11
    Sorry, that is over TWO Years!!!!


  12. #12
    Mistybluelady
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    I honestly dont see the dilemma here.... Children should always always come first. It should be a hands down easy decision. Putting a career before your kids? No way.


  13. #13
    Marine Free Member TJR1070's Avatar
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    My opinion is this; If you want to join the military to provide a career to support your son, as you divorce your husband, you might be playing into his hands. I would suggest talking to a lawyer before you do anything.
    It might be better to divorce your husband and then join, join the reserves while you are still married and then try to go active after you seperate, or to stay a civilian. Any absence might be considered abandonment of your child in the eyes of a court, which might put him in the position of power regarding custody.


  14. #14
    I would give you this advice if you were a guy as well. Your highest calling is to be a spouse and a parent. It is much more nobler. If you and your spouse are not in unity, the child pays for it, and you will pay for it when he is a teenager. Husbands cause the greatest turmoil when they make a life changing decision without their wife being on board and the same goes for you too. Three core values that the Corps holds are Honor, Courage, and Commitment. If you cant keep those in your marriage, do you think you can keep those as a Marine?


  15. #15
    Marine Friend Free Member USNAviator's Avatar
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    Jen

    You're about the same age as my youngest daughter. My advice to her would be that child/children come first

    As someone who served for 20 years I know how difficult military life can be on a a marriage. Amid 7 deployments that left my wife at home essentially being a single Mom, it was not easy.

    My first advice would be for you to go see a recruiter. Be totally honest with whomever you talk with and take that advice to heart. I'm not going into your marital situation, it's none of my business.You know what to do, whom to talk to. As for legal matters, by all means seek out a good family law attorney and once again be totally honest.

    I admire your desire to serve our country and want to wish you well on that endeavor but I think you realize it's not going to be an easy road



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