Help or suggestion needed

[GySgtSin]

Ive lost brothers and sisters in combat, I deal with it each day. But right now a dear friend, a fellow Marine is very demotivated and going through something I do not know how to help him with. I dont know if it is because we are too close, or I wasnt there. But I am hoping someone can provide some advice.

My friend, a Gunny, just retired from the Marines TDRL due to injuries suffered in combat, 4 years shy of his full 20. That is eating him up. He continues to serve by being a contractor in Afghanistan. We have discussed the stresses and issues he is going through and he was dealing with it all like a Marine.

The problem right now is the anniversary of Fallujah and loosing so many of his men. He has withdrawn, we talked about it a little and I gave him what comfort I could, said the things that he I think he needed to hear. But what is the best thing to do for him? How do I let him know its ok to grieve and doesnt make him less of a man or Marine to have these feelings and thoughts?

Any suggestions for helping to re-motivate a Gunny with a heart of gold that has been in hell?

[DrZ]

Gunny,
Many of us have had to deal with the same type of situation. All you can do is to let you friend know that grieving is part of healing and Marines always grieve the loss of their brothers and/or sisters. Let him know you will be there if they need to talk. Attempt to get him to understand your offer is unconditional...anytime and anyplace. Then you have to let him decide where, when, and even if. Ask him a simple question....is this what your men would expect from you? As long as he remembers them.... his men live forever.

Good luck to you both.

[Captain Kirk]

Ive lost brothers and sisters in combat, I deal with it each day. But right now a dear friend, a fellow Marine is very demotivated and going through something I do not know how to help him with. I dont know if it is because we are too close, or I wasnt there. But I am hoping someone can provide some advice.

My friend, a Gunny, just retired from the Marines TDRL due to injuries suffered in combat, 4 years shy of his full 20. That is eating him up. He continues to serve by being a contractor in Afghanistan. We have discussed the stresses and issues he is going through and he was dealing with it all like a Marine.

The problem right now is the anniversary of Fallujah and loosing so many of his men. He has withdrawn, we talked about it a little and I gave him what comfort I could, said the things that he I think he needed to hear. But what is the best thing to do for him? How do I let him know its ok to grieve and doesnt make him less of a man or Marine to have these feelings and thoughts?

Any suggestions for helping to re-motivate a Gunny with a heart of gold that has been in hell?

Gunny,

Your brother needs help! The Marine Corps offers some high quality PTSD help. I suffer today but much better due to VA Help. There is no shame in seeking help. There is both shame and suffering if he does not!

Lord, Give him and all those who suffer the courage to seek help and relieve the suffering!

AMEN!

[GySgtSin]

Thank you both. I have let him know I am here unconditionally and I know he knows that. I do think he has some PTSD issues but for the most part has Marined through them. I have explained his men would want him to recall the good times, live the life they cannot, to honor them, which he does do each day. Its the depression I have just never seen or heard in him and the de-motivation. We are talking about a highly motivated, and motivating leader and to see him or know he is going through this as well as being surrounded with civilian contractors that to him are lazy and disorganized, then the Marine Corps Birthday, Vetrans day and I think it is all just piling up on him. He said to me yesterday "I am a puss*", and I told him Hell No, you are a Marine and what you are going through is normal. You loved your men.
I have never been in combat like he has, nothing like Fallujah and what those men went through, I worry I will say or do the wrong thing.
So if leaving him be and letting him withdraw into himself is best, or do I need to chew his ass and be hard to get his head straight? Do I go behind his back and get in contact with one of his men to contact him? I am just not sure what is right.
I think he is planning on leaving this job, when he goes on leave. I know he will regret it later. He has had to face so many demons these past few months and flashbacks. He is very strong. But like I said, I have never heard or seen him this down and withdrawn.

[DrZ]

I have to agree with Kirk. Your friends needs some professional help. If his depression is that strong, I would be concerned on chewing his ass. That could potentially destroy your friendship. Some Marines respond to that while others will withdraw deeper because they were blasted by someone they felt they could count on.

Don't leave him to withdraw further. Talk to him about counseling.

Personally, I would lose moto working with civilian contractors as well.

[tdrt]

Just my .02: Just because he is a Marine doesn't mean he has to be made of stone and show no emotions. Grieve -- let it out and let it go. Believe me, no one would ever think he's a p*ssy for so. Letting this eat him up inside is not honoring his men.

And I wouldn't worry about saying or doing the wrong thing -- just don't let him be and get lost within himself.