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Redneck Hotel
An older couple had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years.
To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel.
She said to the bellman, "We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning."
"But, madam!", replied the bellman.
"Don't 'But madam' me," she continued. "You can't treat us like we're a couple of fools just because we don't travel much, and we've never been to the big city, and never spent the night at a hotel. I'm going to complain to the manager."
"Madam," the bellman said, "this isn't your room, this is the elevator!"
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Warm satisfaction
What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?
A tea bag.
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Not getting any
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
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JFK Jnr
Why didn't JFK Jr take a shower before be left for the Vineyard?
He said he'd wash up on shore.
Hear about Kennedy Airlines?
Their motto is 'Your luggage will arrive before you do!'
What do Kennedy's miss most about Martha's Vineyard?
The runway.
How did JFK Jr learn to fly?
Crash course.
How are the Kennedy’s like oil?
They don't mix well with water.
Why aren't there more JFK Jr jokes out there?
They just haven't surfaced yet.
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Yo' Mommas Fat
Ya momma's so fat I have to take two trains and a bus just to get on her good side
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Grand
Marriage is grand.
Divorce is about 10 grand.
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Yo momma U-G-L-Y!
You mom is so ugly that when she walked out of a pet store, the alarm went off!
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Bermuda triangle
Q: What do blondes and the Bermuda triangle have in common?
A: They have both swallowed a lot of seamen.
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Anal vs Oral
What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
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Yo Mamas So Ugly
Yo mama's so ugly when she was born they put her in an incubator with tinted windows!!!!!!!
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Restaurant service
Waiter to customer: "Our specialty is snails."
"I know. One of them served me the last time I was here!"
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Coming or going
Why is urine yellow and sperm white?
So men can tell if they are coming or going.
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Lucky dogs
Why do dogs put their noses in women's crotches?
Because they can.
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Witches On Brooms
Q. Why don’t witches wear underwear?
A. To get a better grip on the broom!
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First real job
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