Perhaps a good reason you don't meet to many female mechanics..
Perhaps a good reason you don't meet to many female mechanics..
ROTFLMAO.....DRIFTER BUDDY YOU DA MAN
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse.
Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant.
Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of
money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.
"But how will I let you know the baby is born?"she asked. He
replied, "Just send me a postcard and write "spaghetti" on
the back. I'll take care of expenses."
Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and
flew to Italy.
Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called
him at the office and said, "Dear, you received a very
strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't
understand what it means."
The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I will
explain it to you". Later that evening the doctor came home,
read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack.
Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back
to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated
the cardiac arrest.
So the wife picked up the card and read, "Spaghetti,
Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and
meatballs, two without
Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor,"May I borrow a highlighter?"
Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."
Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise
Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
Drop a marble and say, "Oh shoot!! My glass eye!!"
Say "Darn, this water is cold."
Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh. Sigh relaxingly.
Say, "Now how did that get there?"
Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,"Whoa! Easy boy !!"
Say," Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"
Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?"
Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!
Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"
Say, "Darn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
.Play a well known drum cadence over and oven again on your butt cheeks
.Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down you "Cross-Dressers Anonymous"newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free"
Here’s one I read in a magazine, (Some guys do read the articles, or at least the jokes :confused: )
It goes something like this.
Two crabs take a vacation to palm beach every summer for spring break. For the past four years they have been trying to find the best way to get down there. The first crab told the other crab that he found the absolute best way to get there, hassle free and even very comfortable. The first crab explains his method to the other crab and they go there separate ways and make plans to meet each other on the beach. A few days go by and the first crab makes it to the beach with no problems. He waits a few more days and starts to get worried about the other crab, he starts to grow very inpatient, and right when he’s about to give up and go back home he sees the other crab come stumbling down the beach towards him. He exclaims, “Where the heck have you been?” The other crab replies, “I did just like you said, I went to the collage dorm across the street, I crawled up the very beautiful girls leg and nuzzled in to take a nice nap on the way down. Next thing I know, I’m going do the road at 80 mph riding in the mustache of a "Air Winger" riding a Harley!”
Modified for the Leather Neck Forum! ;)
I resemble that remark:D :D :D hehehehehehe
An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of
Louisiana. He wanted a pair of genuine alligator
shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to
pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle"
attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted,
"Maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I
can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!"
The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you
will run into a couple of Marines who were in here
earlier saying the same thing."
So, the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day.
A few hours later, he came upon two men standing waist
deep in the water. He thought, "Those must be the two
Marines the guy in town was talking about."
Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long gator
swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines.
Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine
grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it
to death with very little effort. Then both Marines
dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back.
Laying nearby were several more of the creatures.
One of the Marines then exclaimed, "Damn, this one
doesn't have any shoes either!"
[IMG]C:\My Documents\Personal\Funnies\Divorce_Sept_11_Style.j pg[/IMG]
In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful young
woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight
leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and
jacket. The bus rolled up and it was her turn to board when
she realized her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come
up to the height of the first step on the bus. She was
slightly embarrassed, but with a quick smile to the bus
driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little
thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her
leg. She tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover
she STILL couldn't reach the step!
So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind
her and unzipped her skirt a bit more and attempted the step
once again. Much to her chagrin she still could not raise her
leg because of the tight skirt. So, with a coy little smile
to the driver, she unzipped the offending skirt once more
and, again, was unable to make the step.
About this time a big Texan that was behind her in line,
picked her up by the waist and gingerly placed her on the
step of the bus.
Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero
screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even
know who you are!"
At this the Texan drawled, "Well ma'am, normally I would
agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times I
kinda figured that we were friends."
MILITARY JARGON or
Why we have the Joint Chiefs of Staff; or it’s
all a matter of interpretation!
For example if you told:
Navy personnel to "secure a building," they
would turn off the lights and lock the doors.
Coast Guard personnel would tie a towing line to it.
Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter.
Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with
suppressive fire and close combat.
The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new
sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very
long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of
gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but not too
Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to
Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves.
The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.During
the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got
the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without
checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and
sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:
I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the
habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had
not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones
with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to
These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from
showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three
weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for
me and she looked really smart. I wish I was there to put
them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will
come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you
When you take them off, remember to blow in them before
putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp
Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming
year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All
P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a
little fur showing."
There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar
and asked this one guy how to get a date.
The guy said, "It's simple. I just say, I'm a lawyer."
So, the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out.
After she said no,
he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had
a case early in the morning. She said, "Oh! You're a
He said, "Why yes I am!"
She liked the idea and they went to his place. When they
were in bed making love, he started to laugh to himself.
When she asked what was so funny, he answered, "Well, I've
only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I'm already screwing