Share from Ed Kugler:
Note on the fridge
The wife left a note on the fridge "It's not working, I can't take it anymore!! Gone to stay with my Mother."
I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold.........What the hell is she talking about?
McDonalds fires back and they may have a point
this is always my last stop, try to catch a laugh and i alwasy do, thanks
A drunk man, who smelled of beer, sat down next to a priest on the subway.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of Jim Beam was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes, he turns to the priest and asks, "Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest replied, "My son, it is caused by loose living, being with cheap women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes, and lack of a bath."
"Huh," said the drunk, and returned to his paper.
After a few moments, the priest apologized to the man. "I'm very sorry. I did not mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
"Oh, not me," blurts the drunk. "I was reading about the Pope."
A cow, an ant and an old fart are debating on who I the greatest of the three of them.
The cow said, "I give 20 quarts of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!"
The ant said, "I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!"
Why are you scrolling down?
It's your turn to say something.
<tt id="yui_3_2_0_8_1346372552027439">Lil' Johnny Meets Barack> > Barack Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the> classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their> meanings. The teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the> discussion on the word 'tragedy'. So our illustrious president asked the> class for an example of a 'tragedy'.> > One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a> farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him,> that would be a tragedy."> > > > > "No,' said Obama, 'that would be an accident."> > A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove> over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."> > "I'm afraid not,' explained Obama.> 'That's what we would call great loss."> > The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Obama searched the> room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"> > Finally, at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet> voice he said: "If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a> 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."> > "Fantastic!' exclaimed Obama. 'That's right. And can you tell me why that> would be tragedy?"> > "Well,' says Johnny, 'It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell> wouldn't be a great loss... and you can bet your a*s it's probably not an> accident either."> </tt></pre>
An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day.The daughter said to her mother,
'My hands are freezing cold.'
The mother replied, 'Put them between your legs and your body heat will warm them up.'
The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.
The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said,
'My hands are freezing cold.'
The girl replied,
'Put them between my legs and the warmth of my body will warm them up.'
He did and warmed his hands.
The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter.
He said, 'My nose is cold.'
The girl replied
'Put it between my legs, the warmth of my body will warm it up.'
He did and warmed his nose.
The day after the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said,
'My penis is frozen solid.'
The next day, the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again,
And she asks,
'Have you ever heard of a penis?'
Concerned the mother said,
'Why yes..... Why do you ask?'
The daughter replies,
'They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they!!!'
TALK ABOUT A COVER UP...
A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after
midnight. While en-route home he asks the cabby if he would be
a witness. The man suspects his wife is having an affair, and he
wants to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agrees.
Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip-toe into the
bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket
back, and there is his wife in bed with another man!
The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouts,
"Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money!"
HE paid for the Corvette I gave you.
HE paid for our new cabin cruiser.
HE paid for your season Pittsburgh Steelers tickets.
HE paid for our house at the lake.
HE paid for our country club membership, and
HE even pays the monthly dues!"
Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun.
He looks over at the cabby and says "What would you do?"
The cabby replies, "I'd cover his ass with that blanket
before he catches cold."
The guy who draws pictures of suspects is a con artist.