Been around a while but still hilarious.
Been around a while but still hilarious.
TEBOW'S NEXT GAME
By the time a Marine pulled into a small town every hotel room was taken."You got to have a room somewhere or just a bunk I do'nt care where" he told the manager.
"Well' I do have a double room with one occupant a Air Force guy, admitted the manager,and he would be glad to split the cost.But to tell you the truth he snores so loudly the folks in the adjoining rooms have complained.I'm not sure it would be worth it to you."
"No promblem, The Marine assured him, he take the room.The next morning the Marine came down for breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed.
"How was your sleep"asked the manger? "Never better"replied the Marine.No problem with ther other guy snoring?
Nope.."I shut him up in no time said the Marine,How did you manage that?
"He was already snoring away,when I bunked out in the room "the Marine explained, I went over to his bed gave him a kiss on the cheek,and said Goodnight beautiful"The guy never went back to sleep all night he just sat up waching me":banana:
I don't think I'll be spreading that one around, Arron.
:)One night Dave brought home a dozen roses to his wife,
How lovely,Dear "what's the occasion?
I want to make love to you..
"Not tonight dear I have a bit of a headache."
The next night he came home with a box of chocolates and wanted to make love with his wife..
"Not tonight I'am awfully tiried honey..
Every night for a week he brought home something,but each night his wife's answer was No !
Finally he came home with six black kittens and handed them over to his wife.
How adorable she exclaimed! but what are they for?
Her husbun replied,"There six pallbears for your dead pussy"
The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. But one Saturday night the cock went missing! The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village so he started to question his parishioners in church the next morning.
During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?"
All the men stood up.
"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?"
All the women stood up.
"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?"
Half the women stood up.
"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?"
All the nuns, three altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up
The Italian Virginity Test
Mario is planning to marry and asks his family doctor how he could tell if
His Bride-to-be is still a Virgin.
His doctor says .... "Mario, all the Italian men I know use three things for what we call
A Do-It-Yourself Virginity Test Kit ~~~ a small can of Red paint,
A small can of Blue paint, and a Shovel."
Mario asks ... "And what do I do with these things, doc?"
The doctor replies .... "Before you climb into bed on your wedding night,
You paint one of your balls Red and the other ball Blue.
If she says ... 'That's the strangest pair of balls I've ever seen !',
..........you hit her with the Shovel.
10 years ago the USA had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash.
Now we have no Jobs, no Hope and no Cash.
THE OUTHOUSE POEM *
(*note: If you don't know what an Out House is - ask someone a little older)
The service station trade was slow
The owner sat around,
With sharpened knife and cedar stick
Piled shavings on the ground.
No modern facilities had they,
The log across the rill
Led to a shack, marked His and Hers
That sat against the hill.
"Where is the ladies restroom, sir?"
The owner leaning back,
Said not a word but whittled on,
And nodded toward the shack.
With quickened step she entered there
But only stayed a minute,
Until she screamed, just like a snake
Or spider might be in it.
With startled look and beet red face
She bounded through the door,
And headed quickly for the car
Just like three gals before.
She missed the foot log - jumped the stream
The owner gave a shout,
As her silk stockings, down at her knees
Caught on a sassafras sprout.
She tripped and fell - got up, and then
In obvious disgust,
Ran to the car, stepped on the gas,
And faded in the dust.
Of course we all desired to know
What made the gals all do
The things they did, and then we found
The whittling owner knew.
A speaking system he'd devised
To make the thing complete,
He tied a speaker on the wall
Beneath the toilet seat.
He'd wait until the gals got set
And then the devilish tike,
Would stop his whittling long enough,
To speak into the mike.
And as she sat, a voice below
Struck terror, fright and fear,
"Will you please use the other hole,
We're painting under here!"