A mom's fight at home
Published Monday, February 26, 2007 9:57:29 AM Central Time
By Shannon Green
sgreen@themonroetimes.com
MONROE -- Denise Ford ignores requests to shut off her cell phone at the doctor's office and at movie theaters. When she leaves home, she forwards her calls. She drives back home if she forgets her phone.
"You are paranoid about missing a call," Denise said.
Denise's son Ben, 21, is in Iraq.
Denise is no stranger to the military, having served in the Air Force for five years in the 1980s. But that doesn't stop her from worrying.
Her son, Ben, a Marine lance corporal, has been near Haditha, Iraq since late last year, serving with the Second Battalion, Third Marines, Echo Company. It is his second deployment: Ben served in Afghanistan from January to June last year. Ford grew up in Green County.
The days, weeks, months of ceaseless worry, spiking when the words "Marine casualties" reverberate over the news media, take their toll on those who remain behind at home.
"You're on edge all the time," Denise said.
She listens constantly for news of casualties in Iraq. "It's either 'soldier' or it's a 'marine,'" when the reports come."
When the media reports a marine's death from north of Baghdad, Denise starts to watch out her front window.
"Then it's the waiting game Š is someone going to pull into my driveway?"
Denise's anxiety is understandable. During one particularly bad two-week period, six marines from Ben's battalion were killed.
"They've had 22 (killed) out of their unit since they've been there," Denise said quietly.
During the worst of the fighting in Haditha, Ben's battalion was suffering weekly casualties.
Ben, whether out of concern for his mother, or simply from the macho characteristic of down-playing traumatic events, has mastered the art of breaking news over the phone slowly.
The call itself is risky. To get reception, the soldiers need to be on top of a building, a vulnerable place to be in a war-torn area, so Ben's call home on October 13 caught Denise by surprise.
"He had called me in the morning, which was unusual," Denise said.
"I'll probably be able to call you more in next few days," Ben told her.
"Why?" Denise asked.
"I'm on light duty."
"Why?" Denise asked again.
"I got hit on the Kevlar," Ben stated, matter-of-factly.
Kevlar, a bullet-resistant fabric, is used by the soldiers as lightweight body armor. It is typically used in jackets and helmets.
"Where?" Denise asked, alarmed.
Ben was hit on his helmet above his right eye while on patrol. The impact of the sniper's bullet had knocked him out.
"After he came to, he got up and managed to come back to the camp," Denise said later. "He had a concussion and a knot on his head." Ben's helmet had saved him from what could have been a fatal injury.
"He was very lucky," Denise added quietly.
Ben had waited a few days before calling home to break the news to her.
Because of the delay, and because she was talking to him and he was obviously all right, Denise did not fall apart.
"I knew he was OK," Denise said. "(But) I was like, 'Oh my God.'"
The luck Ben had had in October was still with him in November.
After recovering from his near-miss, he had resumed duties with his unit.
Denise heard from him again during the first week in November.
"He told me, 'Yeah, could you get hold of my bank and have them send me a new bank card?'" Denise said.
"Yeah," she told him.
"Oh yeah and could you see if you can get my social security card replaced?" Ben asked her.
Denise sighed.
"Did you lose your wallet?" she asked.
"No, it's ashes."
Ben's voice was again very matter-of-fact.
"Where was your wallet when it was ashes?" Denise asked him.
"In my gear pack."
"Where was your gear pack?" Denise asked, in growing alarm.
Ben was on patrol in a vehicle with his unit when an I.E.D. hit the rear of the vehicle, where the soldiers' gear was stored.
"The only thing he could think of when they were hit was getting all the guys out of the vehicle," Denise said.
Ben has mastered the skill of breaking difficult news to his mother, a skill his mother has learned to appreciate, "It's just a casual conversation," Denise said with a laugh.
It can be frustrating at times. She suspects that he does not tell her everything.
"I don't think people really realize how hard it is to have kids over there," Denise said. "It's still a huge worry for the parents. Even though you're really proud of them and what they're doing, it still comes down to any minute they could be killed or maimed."
For mothers like Denise, the worry can become overwhelming -- not long after Ben left for Iraq, things started happening.
Denise, having brought up five children, is conditioned as all mothers are, to respond to the quiet call in the night
"Mom?"
The voice she heard was Ben's -- but he was half a world away.
Then, physically, she started hurting.
"My head was numb, I was really dizzy. I thought 'I have a brain tumor Š what's wrong with me?'" Denise was asking herself.
A battery of tests, including an MRI, showed nothing. Her doctor was mystified.
"The doctor said 'Let's just try this Š'"
Anti-anxiety medications take time to work.
"After about the third week, I noticed a big difference," Denise said.
Her symptoms disappeared after six weeks on the medication.
"It was all stress," Denise said. "It's hard on the guys that are there, but it's also hard on the families. Depression or anxiety can cause physical symptoms, make you physically sick."
Without her anti-anxiety medication, Denise does not think she could make it through.
"I'm not advocating drugs, but sometimes it helps you get through (it)," she said. "It's especially difficult for these moms that have gone through these (multiple deployments). It doesn't get easier."
The phone has been quiet lately, and her driveway remains free of military vehicles.
"As a marine mom, no news is good news," Denise said.
There are signs that soon Ben will be returning home - mail to his unit will no longer be sent to them, but instead to their base in Hawaii.
Denise fully expects to hear Ben's infectious laugh soon, hoping that Ben's character and the resiliency of youth will help him adjust to a calmer life.
"His brother Shawn says 'He's a Ford, he'll come back fine,'" Denise said. "He's too ornery not to come back."
Ellie