Jokes-!

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enou gh to talk to God.
>>Looking up, he asks the Lord. . . "God, what does a million years mean to
>>you?"
>>The Lord replies, "A minute."
>>Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
>>The Lord replies, "A penny."
>>Smith asks," Can I have a penny?"
>>The Lord replies, "In a minute".
>>
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me.
>>Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, She
>>sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I
>>should do?"
>>"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me,
>>exactly where is Larry's bar?"
>>
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has
>>been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says "Maybe, but you
>>will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on
>>you."
>>The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
>>
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last request,
>>dear," he said.
>>"Of course, John, " his wife said softly.
>>"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob."
>>"But I thought you hated Bob," she said.
>>With his last breath John said, "I do!"
>>
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>A man picks up a young woman in a bar and convinces her to come back to
>>hi s hotel.
>>When they are relaxing afterwards, he asks, "Am I the first man you ever
>>made love to?"
>>She looks at him thoughtfully for a second before replying. "You might
>>be," she says. "Your face looks familiar."
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I
>>have to talk to you about it."
>>The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
>>The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
>>The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
>>The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me,
>>what should I do?"
>>The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I
>>can find out and I'll let you know."
>>A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your
>>wife. I sp oke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"
>>The man said yes and the Rabbi! replied, "Take the poison."

this goes in the chuckles of the day thread cadetat6, even though they aren't that funny.

Placing in for cadetat6.....

Jokes-2
was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely
>>ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out
>>line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the
>>cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked
>>sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?" Wouldn't it be great
>>if that happened more often?!!!
>>
>>===========
>>
>>Because they had no reserv ations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor
>>and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. "Young
>>man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may not have 45
>>minutes." They were seated immediately.
>>
>>================
>>
>>The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that they would
>>hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.
>>
>>====================
>>
>>All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the
>>aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her
>>father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews
>>responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her
>>father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.
>>
>>=======================
>>
>>Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and
>>get used to the idea.
>>
>>=======================
>>
>>Three friends from the local congregation were asked "When you're in your
>>casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what
>>would you like them to say? "
>>Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a Fine
>>spiritual leader, and a great family man."
>>Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and
>>servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."
>>Don said: "I'd like them to say, "Look, he's moving!"