View Full Version : If the Marines can have a "funnies" section, why not poolees?
ScarSniper
09-30-10, 03:44 PM
One day, little Timmy went on a school trip with his classmates to the Metropolitan Museum of Arts in N.Y.C. At the museum he saw a lot of interesting sights and rare works of arts, when he got to the mummy exhibition, a question suddenly popped into his head.
Little Timmy: Mrs. Splooginhand, do you think it was very expensive for the ancient Egyptians to mummify themselves?
Mrs. Splooginhand: Why, yes little Timmy, I would assume it did indeed cost a lot of money! In fact, one might say it cost them their lives! :D
I'm a poolee, not a comedian. I tried.
Did you read that on a popsicle stick?
Did you read that on a popsicle stick?
hahahahahahahahaha
PooleeBogenrief
09-30-10, 11:33 PM
That's something you find on the back of a laffy taffy.
BassPro0007
10-01-10, 09:49 AM
Yeah that was pretty bad man. lol How about this one?
It got crowded in heaven so, for one day and one day only, it was decided to only accept people who had really bad day on the day they died.
St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, of which I died from."
St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"
St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. "Tell me about the day you died?” he said to the third man in line. "OK, picture this; I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."
http://i56.tinypic.com/11qtpaa.jpg
http://www.evilmilk.com/pictures/What_Do_You_Like_Most.jpg
ScarSniper
10-01-10, 12:18 PM
http://i242.photobucket.com/albums/ff9/gunzathighrisk/sandwich.pngI'll probably catch hell for this. lol
http://a.espncdn.com/photo/2010/0824/dal_a_parachutist_576.jpg
http://funnycrave.frsucrave.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/Chatroulette_Nazi-ab030510.jpg
ScarSniper
10-01-10, 04:37 PM
On a packed bus, two Nigerian men with heavy accents were having a conversation. An uppity, elderly English woman decided to eaves drop on them.
"Emma Comes first. Den I come. Den two Esses acoma together. I come once-a-more. Two esses, they come together again. I come again and Pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You dirty, foul mouthed PIGS, in this country, we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" The lady exclaims.
"Hey, whats-samatter for you?" The man askes, "I'm a justa tellin' my friends how to spell Mississippi!"
http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs164.snc3/19154_255364508523_585208523_4314073_3633000_n.jpg
RBrouse
10-02-10, 12:21 AM
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Co8liL2umjM/THRF8lmsCGI/AAAAAAAAAMs/4M8irmJrBMY/s1600/demotivational-posters-im-a-rocket.jpg
http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/themuzzleofatankp1.jpg
http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/129125072868418330.jpg
BassPro0007
10-03-10, 09:34 PM
<a href="http://verydemotivational.com/2010/01/28/demotivational-posters-army-of-one/"><img src='http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/129084327284944961.jpg' id='_r_a_3088434432' title='demotivational posters Army Of One' alt='demotivational posters' /></a><br />see more <a href="http://verydemotivational.com">Very Demotivational</a>
RBrouse
10-03-10, 11:48 PM
<IMG" target="_blank">http://verydemotivational.com/2010/01/28/demotivational-posters-army-of-one/"><IMG< a> src='http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/129084327284944961.jpg' id='_r_a_3088434432' title='demotivational posters Army Of One' alt='demotivational posters' /> (http://www.leatherneck.com/forums/<a href=)
see more Very" target="_blank">http://verydemotivational.com">Very (http://www.leatherneck.com/forums/<a href=) Demotivational
http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/129084327284944961.jpg
Is that what that was?
Do not touch anything unnecessarily. Beware of pretty girls in dance halls and parks who may be spies, as well as bicycles, revolvers, uniforms, arms, dead horses, and men lying on roads -- they are not there accidentally.
-Soviet infantry manual, issued in the 1930's
One of the serious problems in planning the fight against American doctrine, is that the Americans do not read their manuals, nor do they feel any obligation to follow their doctrine...
- From a Soviet Junior Lt's Notebook
"The best tank terrain is that without anti-tank weapons."
-Russian military doctrine.
...At a prewar diplomatic conference, the Nazi Foreign Minister Ribbentrop "sniffed" to Eden and Churchill that if there was another war, the Italians would be on Germany's side!
-To which Churchill supposedly replied: "that seems only fair, we had them last time!"...
"The reason the American Army does so well in wartime, is that war is chaos, and the American Army practices it on a daily basis."
- from a post-war debriefing of a German General
Pearl Harbour Radio Operator: "Is there anything that we can provide?"
Response from Marine Commander on Wake Island: "Send us more Japs!"
.... Said to be one of the last radio transmissions received from the Marines on Wake Island before it fell to the Japanese, 1941.
In 1836, the Creek and Seminole Indian tribes in Georgia and Florida were waging war against the United States. The U. S. Army had its hands full. The Fifth Commandant of the Marine Corps offered the services of a regiment of Marines for duty with the Army. Henderson placed himself in command and, taking virtually the entire available strength of the Corps, left for the extended campaign after tacking a terse message on his office door which read:
"Have gone to Florida to fight Indians.
Will be back when War is over.
A. Henderson
Col. Commandant"
The best armor is staying out of gun-shot.
-Italian proverb
Rules of dating a Drill Instructors daughter
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
BassPro0007
10-04-10, 02:37 PM
http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/129084327284944961.jpg
Is that what that was?
Yes, thank you. I am computer illiterate.
http://ffuucomics.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/Moby-Dick-FFFFUUUU.jpg
ScarSniper
10-05-10, 12:53 PM
http://ffuucomics.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/Moby-Dick-FFFFUUUU.jpg
Oh, so that's Bob.
ScarSniper
10-05-10, 01:19 PM
Ways to annoy your Roommate at MCT or ITB
1. Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally.
2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at work.
3. Twitch a lot.
4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
5. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.
6. Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.
7. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
8. Speak in tongues.
9. Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
10. Walk and talk backwards.
11. Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.
12. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more than meets the eye."
13. Recite entire movie scripts (e.g. "The Road Warrior," "Repo Man," Casablanca,") almost inaudibly.
14. Collect all your urine in a small jug.
15. Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get him/her to bring you food.
16. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.
17. Ask your roommate if your girfriend/boyfriend can move in "just for a couple of weeks."
28. Buy as many back issues of Field and Stream as you can. Pretend to masturbate while reading them.
19. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.
20. Eat glass.
21. Smoke ballpoint pens.
22. Smile. All the time.
23. Collect dog crap in baby food jars. Sort them according to what you think the dog ate.
24. Burn all your waste paper while eying your roommate suspiciously.
25. Hide a bunch of potato chips and Ho Hos in the bottom of a trash can. When you get hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat it. If your roommate empties the trash before you get hungry, demand that s/he reimburse you.
26. Leave a declaration of war on your roommate's desk. Include a list of grievances.
27. Shoot rubber bands at your roommate while his/her back is turned, and then look away quickly.
28. Dye all your underwear lime green.
29. Spill a lot of beer on his/her bed. Swim.
30. Buy three loaves of stale bread. Grow mold in the closet. 31. Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate's locker. Accuse him/her of stealing it.
32. Pray to Azazoth or Zoroaster. Sacrifice something nasty.
33. Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up. Announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks.
34. Array thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Refuse to discuss them.
35. Paint your half of the room black. Or paisley.
36. Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with "Didja ever wonder why...." Be creative.
37. Put your mattress underneath your bed. Sleep down under there and pile your dirty clothes on the empty bedframe. If your roommate comments, mutter "Gotta save space," twenty times while twitching violently.
38. Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain loudly that you can never find the book that you want.
39. Always flush the toilet three times.
40. Give him/her an allowance.
41. Listen to radio static.
42. Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close them as soon as you wake up.
43. Speak into a walkie-talkie in trucker's terms.
44. Divide the floor into an 8 X 8 grid. Arrange piles of laundry, books, pizza boxes, etc. on the glid and tell your roommate that youUve turned the room into a chess game and not to move any of the piles.
45. Cover one of the walls with polaroids of fire hydrants from all over the city. Tell your roommate that you think that you were a dog in a former life. Stare lovingly at the photos, and make frequent trips to the bathroom.
46. Get a small, battery-operated clock which ticks very loudly. Put it in a briefcase and put the briefcase next to your roommate's bed.
47. Expound upon the importance of good personal hygiene. Wear rubber gloves and a surgical mask in the room.
48. Eat an entire bag of cheese curls at once. When you are finished, see how many times you can make orange fingerprints from all of the cheese junk left on your fingers.
49. Come home from work with a bucket of plaster of paris. Paint a section of the ceiling with it, and plaster your roommate's underwear to the stuff. When your roommate comes in and comments, tell him/her, "Sorry, I was doing your laundry, and I sneezed."
50. Wear the most obnoxious orange hat that you can find. Convince you roommate and everybody else that if they do not wear an orange hat, they will be hit by stray bullets.
51. Point west at 3 AM every night and yell, "It came from that way!"
52. Walk around in circles all the time. Complain that your turn signal is stuck. 53. Whenever your roommate is out, turn the volume on his stereo ALL THE WAY UP. When he turns on his stereo, complain hysterically about the noise and his lack of courtesy. <!--/gc-->
<!--/gc-->
http://video.adultswim.com/robot-chicken/our-newest-member-calvin.html?cid=vplayer_robot-chicken_our-newest-member-calvin
this video is for scar sniper
ScarSniper
10-06-10, 10:21 AM
http://video.adultswim.com/robot-chicken/our-newest-member-calvin.html?cid=vplayer_robot-chicken_our-newest-member-calvin
this video is for scar sniper
lmao. Hahahaha. F*CKING outstanding! hahaha! I cracked up the whole time!
PS. Cobra sounds a lot like Frieza from DBZ.
And my Gunnery Sergeant would LOVE this because he's always calling accident prone!
ScarSniper
10-06-10, 10:22 AM
Also.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f71fvWpiXzw&feature=related
Meagan92
10-06-10, 12:42 PM
http://ffuucomics.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/Moby-Dick-FFFFUUUU.jpg
I don't get it ?!
ScarSniper
10-06-10, 01:11 PM
http://video.adultswim.com/robot-chicken/our-newest-member-calvin.html?cid=vplayer_robot-chicken_our-newest-member-calvin
this video is for scar sniper
Dude. This **** is awesome. Like the 12th time I've watched this ****. lmao
I think I'm gonna change my signature to, "It was always fumble." After I graduate though.
Also.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f71fvWpiXzw&feature=related
Epic win.
bartone
10-07-10, 05:37 PM
http://i242.photobucket.com/albums/ff9/gunzathighrisk/sandwich.pngI'll probably catch hell for this. lol
best ever. If anyone watches Equals Three by raywilliamjohnson its even better
ScarSniper
10-07-10, 07:27 PM
<img src="http://franfriel.com/mambo//images/stories/Llama_smirk.jpg">
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wusGIl3v044&feature=player_embedded
gimme pizza
wilsontc11
10-07-10, 08:43 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wusGIl3v044&feature=player_embedded
gimme pizza
ROFL.... wow that is so wrong
PooleePags
10-08-10, 11:35 AM
http://www.cassyfiano.com/2009/10/usmc-trivia-demotivators-and-a-project-valour-it-update
Thanks zumbii, I feel like a stoner now.
http://yooouuutuuube.com/v/?width=160&height=160&yt=hQp5l4-sfFA&flux=0&direction=bottom_left
http://yooouuutuuube.com/v/?width=160&height=160&yt=hQp5l4-sfFA&flux=0&direction=bottom_left
That was sooo effing sick.
Laughed so hard
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXhX1B8_YxY
ScarSniper
10-08-10, 01:17 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hbf8Lp_hdjQ&feature=related
As a group of Marine Recruits stood in formation at Boot Camp, the Drill Instructer said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one Recruit remained at attention.
The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The Recruit smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"
A Marine dies in combat and wakes up to find he is in hell. He's really depressed as he stands in the processing line waiting to talk to an admittance counselor. He thinks to himself I know I lead a wild life but, Hell, I'm a Marine. We're expected to live wild lives. I wasn't that bad. I never thought it would come to this. "
Looking up he sees that it is his turn to be processed into hell. With fear and heavy heart, he walks up to the counselor.
Counselor: What's the problem, you look depressed?
Marine: Well, what do you think? I'm in hell.
Counselor: Hell's not so bad, We actually have a lot of fun. Do you like to drink?
Marine: Of course I do. I'm a Marine.
Counselor: Well then, you are going to love Mondays, On Mondays we drink up a storm. You can have whiskey, rum, tequila, beer, whatever you want and as much you want. We party all night long. You'll love Mondays. Do you smoke?
Marine: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.
Counselor: You are going to love Tuesdays. Tuesday is smoke day. You get to smoke the finest cigars and best cigarettes available anywhere. And you smoke to your heart's desire without worrying about cancer because you are already dead! Is that great or what? You are going to love Tuesdays.
Do you like to fight?
Marine: Of course I do. I'm a Marine!
Counselor: You are going to love Wednesdays. That's Fighting Day. We challenge each other to fights to see who's the toughest in Hell. You don't have to worry about getting hurt or killed, because you're already dead.You are going to love Wednesdays. Do you gamble?
Marine: Show me a Marine who doesn't!
Counselor: You are going to love Thursdays, Because we gamble all day and night. Black jack, craps, poker, slots, horse races, everything! you are going to love Thursdays. Are you gay?
Marine: Of course, not! I'm a Marine!
Counselor: Oh (grimaces) , you're going to hate Fridays.
RBrouse
10-08-10, 03:37 PM
As a group of Marine Recruits stood in formation at Boot Camp, the Drill Instructer said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one Recruit remained at attention.
The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The Recruit smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"
If that ever happens I... I kind of wanna do that.
This gave me a good laugh
http://bertroche.blogspot.com/2009/07/postmarked-062909_02.html
RBrouse
10-08-10, 05:08 PM
This gave me a good laugh
http://bertroche.blogspot.com/2009/07/postmarked-062909_02.html
haha so Fing funny
"this recruit has reached the top of the mountain sir"
As the sun rose over Parris Island, the senior drill instructor realized that one of his recruits had gone AWOL. A search party was dispatched immediately. After a few hours the recruit was discovered hiding in some bushes. He was sent back to the base and promptly escorted to the drill instructor's office. The instructor asked the young recruit, "Why did you go AWOL?"
The recruit replied, "My first day here you issued me a comb, and then proceeded to cut my hair off. The second day you issued me a toothbrush, and sent me to the dentist, who proceeded to pull all my teeth. The third day you issued me a jock strap, and I wasn't about to stick around and find out what would follow that SIR."
The Marine Drill Instructor was inspecting the platoon. He stopped in front of one of the Rectruits and asked, "Where are you from Maggot?"
" Iowa City, Iowa," the young Recruit barked.
He nodded and moved on. The Drill Instructor next stopped in front of a very young looking Recruit. The Gunny smiled and looked down at him,
"When is your birthday Maggot?"
" May 5th sir," the young Recruit barked.
"What year son?"
The young Recruit looked flustered and then replied, "Every year sir."
The Drill Instructor quit smiling, brought himself back to attention and continued down the line.
RBrouse
10-11-10, 03:59 PM
file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/Owner/My%20Documents/My%20Pictures/633502972259874338-true-compassion.jpg
file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/Owner/My%20Documents/My%20Pictures/Imsorry.jpg
file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/Owner/My%20Documents/My%20Pictures/633534374391341407-tracerroundsunfo.jpg
file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/Owner/My%20Documents/My%20Pictures/633541795218753209-humor.jpg
file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/Owner/My%20Documents/My%20Pictures/bombs1.jpg
file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/Owner/My%20Documents/My%20Pictures/e10e7983182.jpg
file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/Owner/My%20Documents/My%20Pictures/lasttime.jpg
file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/Owner/My%20Documents/My%20Pictures/m_788136e072768cc848ece8fb3157cad7.jpg
file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/Owner/My%20Documents/My%20Pictures/MARINE_REcruiting.jpg
file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/Owner/My%20Documents/My%20Pictures/Marines.jpg
file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/Owner/My%20Documents/My%20Pictures/untitled-2.jpg
file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/Owner/My%20Documents/My%20Pictures/USMC_StronG.jpg
RBrouse
10-11-10, 04:24 PM
Andi~"9 years ago George W made an announcement, we would go to war with Afganistan... and what have we accomplished in those 9 years?
Ryan~"We got a bunch of cool movies"
The National Science Foundation announced the following study results on U.S. military recreation preferences:
1. Sport of choice for Marines: bowling.
2. Sport of choice for Sailors: football.
3. Sport of choice for Soldiers: baseball.
4. Sport of choice for Coast Guardsmen: tennis.
5. Sport of choice for Airmen: golf.
Notice how the farther down the list you go, the smaller their balls get.:p
That wasn't even funny... at all.
http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/swift3.png
younger223
10-14-10, 10:21 AM
I don't really feel like going through all the YouTube videos on here to see if this has been posted, but I don't think it has. Funniest Marine sh!t I have ever seen. If any of you guys wanna look it up on your own another time, then search YouTube for abquin.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLH5pfULi-w
DevilDogsSon269
10-14-10, 11:17 AM
this whole post made my freakin day. Been a while needed that laugh hardest laugh in a while too. :D:banana:
PooleePags
10-14-10, 11:36 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TVLCTMjyiM&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylsz9_Pwkww
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyMXYE_50Ts
ScarSniper
10-14-10, 02:49 PM
If you're joining the Marine Corps, you know that the most important trait you can have, even moreso than discipline, bearing, courage, and unselfishness...is a sick, twisted, perverted sense of humor. Mothers should cringe everytime you open your mouth because they know their little daughter Molly might be the subject of your perverse conversation. With that, I've got A Few Good Phrases that will help you pick up that meritorious promotion from Pervert to Pervert First Class.
1: (My favorite) Ten and over? Bend 'em Over.
2: If you can Read, you can Breed.
3. If you're old enough to pee, that's good enough for me.
4: (to be said in a place of religious service) Put down the bible, pick up a rifle.
And last but not least?
5: If you can crawl, you can take my D*%K! (it doesn't rhyme folks, it's just sick)
Feel free to add your own.
RBrouse
10-14-10, 05:41 PM
If you're joining the Marine Corps, you know that the most important trait you can have, even moreso than discipline, bearing, courage, and unselfishness...is a sick, twisted, perverted sense of humor. Mothers should cringe everytime you open your mouth because they know their little daughter Molly might be the subject of your perverse conversation. With that, I've got A Few Good Phrases that will help you pick up that meritorious promotion from Pervert to Pervert First Class.
1: (My favorite) Ten and over? Bend 'em Over.
2: If you can Read, you can Breed.
3. If you're old enough to pee, that's good enough for me.
4: (to be said in a place of religious service) Put down the bible, pick up a rifle.
And last but not least?
5: If you can crawl, you can take my D*%K! (it doesn't rhyme folks, it's just sick)
Feel free to add your own.
6. If theres fluff on the muff she's old enough.
ScarSniper
10-15-10, 09:59 AM
A tough looking war-veteran walks into a bar. He sits down at the end of the bar, next to another guy, who was the only patron in the bar when he walked in. He talks to him for about 5 minutes then moves to the other end of the bar. The bar owner walks up to him and asks if he would like a drink.
He orders a beer and says,
"*******it. That guy down there sure does complain a lot. He thinks he's got it rough, but his life is easy compared to mine. I've seen two wars and I'm still suffering from the after effects."
The bartender looks at him and says,
"Say sir, I've seen you in here before. You're in here any day of the week at any time. Just what do you do for a living?"
The guy replies,
"I make bets for a living. I'll show you. I'll bet you $5 I can bite my right eye!"
The bartender looks at him and says,
" 5 dollars? OK, you're on."
The Vet takes his glass eye out and clenches it between his teeth.
The bartender bemused, says,
"I didn't know you had a glass eye. You win."
The Vet then says,
"I'll let you win your money back. I'll bet you $5 I can bite my left eye."
The bartender thinks for a moment and replies,
"You're obviously not blind so you can't have 2 glass eyes. OK, your on!"
The Veteran then proceeds to take his false teeth out of his mouth and clamps them over his left eye.
With this, the bartender a bit irritated says,
"O.K. buddy, you won again. But as you can see, I don't do a lot of business in here. I can't afford to make any more bets with you."
The vet replies,
"I'll tell you what. I'll give you a guaranteed way to win your money back. I'll bet you $200 that I can walk 6 feet away and pee in this bottle, which I'll leave here on the bar. I won't miss a drop. I won't even hit the rim, it will go right in the bottle."
After a few minutes of thought and consideration, the bartender says,
"There's no way. $200? You're on!"
The guy walks 6 feet from the bar, drops his pants and pees all over everything the bar, the stools and the floor, even the bartender. He doesn't even come close to hitting the bottle, let alone getting it in the bottle.
With this, the bartender starts laughing enthusiastically and exclaims,
"Ahahaha! I knew you couldn't do it. That'll be $200!"
Just then, the guy at the other end of the bar passes out. The bartender looks down at him and says,
"What happened to him?"
The guy replies,
"Oh, he'll be alright. I just bet him $1000 that I could pee all over you and your bar and you'd laugh about it."
RBrouse
10-16-10, 12:48 AM
hahahahahahaha yes scar that was awesome
ScarSniper
10-16-10, 08:01 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LygJMYpQPic
lmao.
ScarSniper
11-10-10, 06:30 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2E69k7BYd8&feature=related
Yankeeloon200
11-11-10, 10:24 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFGyq1xcKEU
DrinkTwiceT1000
12-03-10, 01:42 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdYkOdvwlpc
bposey8152
12-03-10, 12:10 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFGyq1xcKEU
ROFLMAO HAHAHAHA who's playin with my monkey balls?!
6. If theres fluff on the muff she's old enough.
If she's old enough to bleed, she's old enough to stab.
Terrible, I know.
PARKER93
12-08-10, 03:37 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHL25_He-Mo
DrinkTwiceT1000
12-10-10, 11:11 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQEDQmUF7us
PARKER93
12-10-10, 03:24 PM
I didn't find that tribute video very funny.