View Full Version : Having a Girlfriend or Wife in the Military?
32JJW0311
07-18-10, 03:29 AM
How does it workout from you with experience having a wife or girlfriend in the military?
Do most military personnel receive Dear John letters?
ArtyOps
07-18-10, 08:33 AM
Having a wife/gf while in the Marines is a challenge. I met my wife after I was in for about two years. I was on leave following an Okinawa deployment June of 2000 and I met her while back in my home town. After that I drove from NC to RI every time I had more than a two day weekend. Long distance was tough but we made it work. I proposed before my second 6 month deployment to Okinawa and we got married a year after that in November of 2002. Immediately following our marriage we changed duty stations to Camp Pendleton CA and I left for Kuwait less than two months after we got married. I got back, we had some kids and I went to Iraq again then got out. I was in for just over 9 years and I was with her for just over 7 years of it. We made it through four deployments, more field exercises that I can count, long distances, long working hours, bad working condtitions (at times), and our separate personalities.
First off, understand a girlfriend is the same whether you're in the Marines or not. However distance and time apart can and will make things tough for the both of you. It takes time and serious commitment from both of you. One thing you have to keep in mind if you get a "Dear John" letter is that if she can't stay committed then you don't want her around.
As far as marriage goes, if you're not married now I would suggest that you don't get married before basic training. Stay single until you get to your first duty station. That will give you an idea of how things will be if you deploy. The separation and lack of communication will try both of you. If you can stay committed through that you have a better chance.
If you have more specific questions feel free to ask. I've seen relationships on rough seas make it and I've seen them sink in calm waters. But I will tell you this... since I've been out I have seen many many relationships fail for my civilian friends and coworkers. Anyway, I lived it, I can tell you my experience.
Having a significant other in the Marine Corps is probably this second biggest challenge beside making it through bootcamp. Having a relationship in the Corps is NOTHING like civilian life. She has to learn to cope with you being gone for long periods of time, in foreign countries that you've never seen, full of girls that have never seen, and want to "get to know you." On the flipside, when you're gone, Jodie's always there waiting to be their close friend until he finds the weakness and exploits it. I've seen both sides of the fence for this and would like to impress this upon you...I would put things on hold until you get out of boot camp and make it through some training and other things and then see if you and her would still work out. You're going to go through some SERIOUS changes in your life and the complications that come from receiving a "Dear John" letter can cause some serious problems. Basically, stay single. I got married to a girl I had been with for 6 years before marriage. We knew eachother well and could cope with mistakes and forgiveness. It's a slippery slope my friend.
clansman5
07-19-10, 06:49 AM
I received a dear John letter from my high school sweetheart when I was stationed on Oki. I was there for about 8 months when I got the bad news.
Dear John letters come in all walks of life. My male child received one while he was at University. The stress the military adds to relationships just causes it occur a bit more often. My first marriage was to a woman who I had known for 3 year prior to enlisting and we got married 1.5 years into my time in. The marriage lasted for 7 years and I was only at home for 4 of those. Money is always tight, separations are always tough, and you never know when you will be deployed and for how long.
32JJW0311
07-19-10, 08:20 AM
Thanks Marines. So if you get a Dear John letter what do you do? Come back and kick the guys butt? But I'm sure you would get into trouble doing that.
I wouldn't do anything about it, but from your experiences, may I ask what your responses would be?
Phantom Blooper
07-19-10, 09:01 AM
Say goodbye.... <br />
<br />
And go screw Susie Rottencrotch! <br />
<br />
Then come back and get on with your life! <br />
<br />
A "Dear John" letter is tough....but it could be tougher paying child support and alimony. <br />
<br />
Also...
ameriken
07-19-10, 09:28 AM
Thanks Marines. So if you get a Dear John letter what do you do? Come back and kick the guys butt? But I'm sure you would get into trouble doing that.
I wouldn't do anything about it, but from your experiences, may I ask what your responses would be?
Really, what can you do about it? If she falls in love with someone else, is there really anything you can do? Sure, you can kick his ass, but what will that solve? If she took the time and effort to write a letter to tell you it's over, and you go kick his ass, do you think she's going to say 'Gee, I fell in love with him, but now that you beat him to a pulp, it makes me love you again.'?
I agree with Phantom Blooper. If you get a DJ letter, face up to it, it's over, you're done, move on. Let it go, celebrate your new freedom, and find someone else.
In fact, if she writes you a DJ, instead of falling apart and acting like it's the end of the world, just write her back and thank her for the good news because you just met another girl and you didn't know how to break the news to her.
Seriously, if she moves on, then you move on.
clansman5
07-19-10, 09:36 AM
If and when you receive a DJ letter,look at it this way....there are many fish in the ocean. Things like that happen for a reason.
ameriken
07-19-10, 09:39 AM
BTW, if you stay single and she leaves you, you lose nothing.
If you get married and she leaves you, you could end up with a nasty divorce, losing half of everything you own, and pay her alimony from your already limited base pay.
That means her new guy will be spending your money to take out what was once your girl and you'll have very little left for your own new girl.
Think about that.
echo3oscar1833
07-19-10, 09:46 AM
BTW, if you stay single and she leaves you, you lose nothing.
If you get married and she leaves you, you could end up with a nasty divorce, losing half of everything you own, and pay her alimony from your already limited base pay.
That means her new guy will be spending your money to take out what was once your girl and you'll have very little left for your own new girl.
Think about that.
Well said Ken:thumbup::thumbup:
I was in boot and got DJ'd ... upset me for a day or so but provided a good target visualization on the range. Found out later she hooked up with one of my so-called friends....but she did me a big favor.... I should have expected it though.... she was a little redhead...
32JJW0311
07-19-10, 11:17 AM
I enjoyed the advice. I wouldn't want to beat him down or nothing. But I can deff see what you mean how it would in a sense be better for you and keep your head clear while overseas or on diployment. Thanks again.
IVIanOnTheIVIov
07-19-10, 03:04 PM
It's best to go in and stay single for your first 4 years or so. That way you have a pretty good understanding about how the Corps works. I have found that the more dangerous your job is, the harder that it can be for ol' girl back in the rear. Whatever you do, do not get married before picking up NCO. I have seen it work in a few seldom cases but most don't last a year and end up causing nothing but heartache and loss of money.
Sgt Leprechaun
07-19-10, 07:11 PM
You do what you have to do and keep on going. What do you do when your g/f or 'significant other' breaks up with you online via Facebook or Twitter or whatever?
I'm leaving this one open since likely some good advice will be given...but THINK, wannabees....
Phantom Blooper
07-19-10, 07:28 PM
What do you do when your g/f or 'significant other' breaks up with you online via Facebook or Twitter or whatever?
Just go to MYSPACE and post some compromising pictures of her....
Send the same pictures to her mother.....
No don't listen to that...bad advice you don't want the Internet SVU coming for you!:evilgrin:
TazMatt
07-19-10, 08:30 PM
When I was in way when,I got married about six months after boot camp and stayed married the whole time I was in.Was married for 18 yrs and then was divorced.My marriage during my time in was good.I went over seas to Oki for a year and came back with no problems.A marriage is what you make of it and yes it can be hard on you but it is what you make of it.
gunnyE7
07-21-10, 02:51 AM
When I was in way when,I got married about six months after boot camp and stayed married the whole time I was in.Was married for 18 yrs and then was divorced.My marriage during my time in was good.I went over seas to Oki for a year and came back with no problems.A marriage is what you make of it and yes it can be hard on you but it is what you make of it.
Sergeant Mathis pretty much hit it there, and show's from experience.
Best off shes young and your young some other lady will cross your path and when their young theres a chance of it not working out. So get rid of her before you two get to close.
By the way, you want to be focusing on Boot Camp not her when your their.