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HeatherLynn
06-08-10, 12:18 AM
My husband was active duty for 4 years. He always said he wanted to be a lifer. I told him, repeatedly, that if that was what he wanted I would stick by his side no matter what. We got married and I got pregnant. After our first u/s we found out we were having twins. He did a complete 180 and decided he wanted to get out to be home with us. I said okay, but only if that was what he truly wanted. He said yes. It's been almost 2 years since and I can tell he is really miserable in the the civilian world. The Marine in him stands out and he is just not adapting to civilian life. I can tell it's hard on him. Very hard. He is inactive reserve now btw.

I have this inkling, call it woman's intuition, that he wants to go back. I know he misses all of his buddies, he loved what he did. I've asked him a few times if he wants to go back and he says no with his mouth...but his eyes say yes, yes, yes! The biggest thing keeping him from reenlisting, is the kids and I. He's nervous about being sent back to the front lines and leaving us...without him.

Any advice on how I can let him know that if he really does want to go back that I'll be there with him? I've flat out told him that I would and that no matter his decision the boys and I are by his side. *sigh* I just want the hubby man to be happy and...I know the Marines made him happy.

rickyracer
06-08-10, 03:14 AM
Let him read this...

firedog974
06-08-10, 03:31 AM
:thumbup:
Let him read this...
:thumbup:

Vandrel
06-08-10, 07:42 AM
Yup, best advice right there

tdrt
06-08-10, 08:23 AM
Get sneaky. Arrange a meeting and have a prior service recruiter show up at the house.

montana
06-08-10, 08:46 AM
orrrr you could say....QUIT MOPING AROUND HERE AND GET YOUR BUTT BACK IN THE CORP MARINE....in your best DI vioce

ringoffire
06-08-10, 09:00 AM
Have him read this and then do what Montana said...

HeatherLynn
06-08-10, 10:44 AM
Thanks for the help!! I'm starting to formulate a plan on how to get him motivated into doing what he really wants. *sigh* He can be so stubborn sometimes.

thewife
06-08-10, 11:59 PM
My hubby and I just went through this very thing (single son instead of twins and he was out of the Military for 5 years). For us it took him gaining 100+ lbs and getting laid off from his civilian job. He always seemed very unhappy and detached. He always said he could NEVER go back into the Corps and I would always leave it at that. I knew that he never should have gotten out in the first place (it was 100% his choice) but it never occurred to me to insisted upon it. His unhappiness began to plague our lives and one day I just had enough. I told him he HAD to do it for his family. From that day forth and as he has worked toward losing the weight (to make weight, again it was over 100 lbs) he was a whole new man, the man that I fell in love with, the Marine. Bottom line, continue to be supportive, do not give up and do not let it get to the point where you are all miserable. Your good intuition will prevent that. Good luck.

HeatherLynn
06-09-10, 12:12 AM
Oh my god thewife...THAT IS MY HUSBAND!!! Since he's been out he hasn't been able to find a job (1 1/2 years...), he is SO SO SO miserable in the civilian world. He HATES it! I know he does...there is no hiding it. He has gained some weight. I'd guess maybe 15 or 20 lbs...nothing he can't handle. He's always reverting to "the Marine". I asked him again tonight if he wanted to go back...he just got mad and ignored me. I know he does and I keep telling him that no matter his choice the kids and I are with him 200%.

I think I'm going to have to take the tough route and not the soft one. I've been trying to just let him get to it himself but...I don't think he's going to. I think I'm going to have to give him a swift kick in the butt (figuratively speaking of course) to get the stubborn man going.

tdrt
06-09-10, 08:27 AM
he must be a Taurus

DobbinsBlythe
06-09-10, 03:08 PM
I agree with Montana!!! Get your man to man up! (not that he's not acting like a man... just sounds like he needs massive amounts of motivation)

Be patient with him, but also focus on the facts instead of touchy-feely things.. my hubs doesn't respond too well to all our (women's) emotional stuff.. I doubt most men do. Try to be as matter-of-fact with him as possible and remind him that you are there to support him 100%!

<3

HeatherLynn
06-09-10, 03:15 PM
You're right Dobbins...he most certainly does not do the touchy feely thing. I'm just not sure what to say without him getting upset. For whatever reason if I try to bring up the subject he gets so angry. :-/

Marine84
06-09-10, 06:56 PM
If I may..................(and I say this with the utmost respect)

Treat him like the Marine he is. You've already voiced your opinion about the situation. Leave him alone about it, keep loving and supporting him BUT, let it be known he needs to pull his head out of his a$$ about it either way and move on. He's either going to do it or he's not.

USNAviator
06-09-10, 07:08 PM
If I may..................(and I say this with the utmost respect)

Treat him like the Marine he is. You've already voiced your opinion about the situation. Leave him alone about it, keep loving and supporting him BUT, let it be known he needs to pull his head out of his a$$ about it either way and move on. He's either going to do it or he's not.

I agree with Marine84 and may I interject. He's been out of work for 18 months? Put on weight, is irritable around you and the family, not able to come to a decision? He may be in the throws of depression. I'm not talking about feeling blah, I'm talking clinical depression. Please try and convince him to seek help. Even if he does not re-enlist, seeking help and a cure will make his and your life much better.

My best to you

Dan

HeatherLynn
06-09-10, 07:17 PM
Oh we've had the therapy argument many many times. I've tried getting him to go to therapy on his own, with me, seeing if they would come here. He's very anti-doctor. Not sure why, but he just won't go. I can't even get him to go to a gp for a check-up. :o/

USNAviator
06-09-10, 07:25 PM
Oh we've had the therapy argument many many times. I've tried getting him to go to therapy on his own, with me, seeing if they would come here. He's very anti-doctor. Not sure why, but he just won't go. I can't even get him to go to a gp for a check-up. :o/

Heather

Any Marine buddies close by he can talk with? Is he connected with any old friends on-line? Was he deployed to either current hot spot?

Dan

HeatherLynn
06-09-10, 07:49 PM
He was in Iraq. He won't talk about it. The only thing I know about his time there was something bad happened shortly after he landed but any time anyone brings up the subject he just leaves the room. (My cousin was visiting the other day and I thought he was going to loose it, she asked him if he ever killed anyone. : - O

He still talks to a few of the guys from his old shop. One is out as well but lives on the other side of the country. I'm not sure how close they are though. I actually think I talk to him more than the hubby does.

USNAviator
06-09-10, 08:00 PM
Heather

I'm sending you a PM (private message) soon. Better to take all of this underground

HeatherLynn
06-26-10, 05:39 PM
I haven't been talking to hubby man about reenlisting. Not even hinting at it. Just letting him do his thing. (which he's been watching a ton of his war movies the past week) We started fighting today, I don't even know why, it was over something really dumb, and he just blurted out that he's taking the next month to think it over but he thinks he's going to reenlist.

tdrt
06-26-10, 08:27 PM
well, atleast it's a start.