An Immoral Use of the Military

[osborned]

Hey guys, I have a matter that has arisen with an in-law, and I'd like some comments and advice.

Here's the lowdown.

My wife's sister (not to be named) married a guy (hereafter referred to as D-Bag) last year. They have a little girl, not yet 1 year old. My sis-in-law is rather wealthy, as she won the local lottery a few years back, and her family do very well. D-Bag convinced her to entirely support him, including paying off about 20 grand worth of debt, ranging from medical bills to XBoxes and new cell phones. He never held a job during their marriage for more than a few weeks at a time, and was generally a deadbeat.

The military aspect is that he joined the Air Force in November. After graduating in December, D-Bag calls her up at home from his barracks room and tells her the following:

1) He never loved her.
2) He was using her for her money.
3) He's leaving the baby with her.
4) He wants a divorce, and wants her to initiate it herself.

She's obviously very broken up, feeling taken advantage of, abandoned, all the feelings I'm sure you'd all expect. I'm currently doing my best to give her all of the military contacts that I can to help her. I've even gone so far as to contact D-Bag's command and get hold of his 1st Sgt. I explained all that I knew about this situation to the 1st Sgt, who was very pleased to be given the lowdown. I was told there is not much that the Air Force can do to directly discipline D-Bag, aside from making sure his wages get garnished. However I am heartened by how ****ed off the 1st Sgt was by this whole complicated ordeal, and he assured me he would contact my sis-in-law today and give her what advice and help he could.

I think the best thing I've done so far is to inform this guy's command as to what he's done and how he's treating his family. What I feel he's done is to use this nation's military to his financial advantage, ensuring that he has a steady income of his own before abandoning his family, in the process using them as a stepping stone to his goals. I know that my command would want to know if I'd done something similar.

Has anyone else been in a situation similar to this one, and have any advice for this poor girl as to what she can do to ensure she and her child get what is owed to her?

[Kp42]

I'm sorry to hear that brother. Sounds like this guy needs a damn beat down. I've never been put in this situation before, nor am I lawyer, but I hope the best for her and her family. Semper Fi.

[yanacek]

Sounds like he's got another woman. He better watch out for his actions since he can be prosecuted for Adultery. Perhaps hire a PI to tail him on liberty. The PI may come up with dirt to have the scumbag prosecuted.

[Integrity57]

A female Sailor I used to work with went through a similar ordeal with her daughter's father except he was a Marine. She contacted his chain of command to let them know the situation and that he was trying to duck a paternity test (there was no doubt he was the father but it's required anyway) so he wouldn't have to pay child support but there was a court order saying he was going to take the paternity test AND pay child support or go to jail. The best thing about D-bag being in the military is that they will make sure he pays up on whatever he owes her child support, alimony, etc. and he will no doubt get his ass royaly chewed the **** out like my former co-worker's baby daddy did.

[Zulu 36]

I'd say let her file for divorce and demand child support. Due to her personal income he may not have to pay a lot, but at least he'll have to pay something. Plus he'll have to carry the child on Tri-care as a dependent.

As soon as she files, make sure his command is aware and send them a copy of the summons and complaint for their information.

Have her keep an ear to the ground for when he gets promoted, and drag his ass back into court each time for an increase in child support, even if it's only a few bucks per month. If he gets out, he's stuck for the last amount of child support unless and until he goes to court for a modification.

Her other option is to demand he waive all parental rights, which means she and the child won't have to have any contact with him ever again. Of course she gets no child support, but if her income stream is sufficient, the court won't be too worried about that.

What ever she wants to do, she needs to consult with an attorney first. The lawyer may have a few extra dirty tricks up his sleeve too.

[gwamo1]

Alls I'm saying is that when she talks to his 1stSgt she can put a REAL hurting on him and his military career. If she feels as bad as you say, and I'm sure she does, then she can possibly destroy his career. I know in the Marine Corps we have the Family Advocay Program, FAP. FAP is done is levels and If your spouse contacts FAP and you have a hearing and you are found to be a level 3 (I believe) or higher, then you can be kicked out. While I'm not 100% sure, I'm about 85%. As for the AirForce, I don't know what they have.

[oldtop]

Her best bet is to be sure that SHE files for the divorce. Despite her net worth, the fact that he fathered a child is very relevant. The military WILL see to it that whatever child support he is condemned to pay IS paid. That is about the best that she can hope for. Of course the conversations with his 1st Sgt may well put him on someones S*** list, which could result in lack of consideration for promotions, and other details that we all know , love, and despised!

[osborned]

I'm really glad of all the comments and advice so far, I'll be sure to pass this on to her.

[Rocky C]

All Good Advice!!

[polizei]

All I can say is I'm glad he's not a Marine.

[ZSKI]

**** it call the man that can really **** him his plt sgt. the man will not have one good day

[AAV Crewchief]

Lots of suggestions here and most piled with a lack of logic and full of heated emotion. <br />
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1) There is not one UCMJ article that says divorce is prohibited and if that were the case then half of...

[Sgt Leprechaun]

As a PI myself, I can tell you that you CAN get on to military bases, you just have to have some sense about it, and yourself. Not carrying a weapon is the first rule. Generally, the PMO's are more than helpful.

Moving on.....

Calling the 1stSgt will make dirtbags life about as miserable as you can. Making sure he sets up Tricare and enrolls the child in DEERS is the next best thing you can do. After that, it's on them. Likely she won't get a dime in payments but you for sure want him listed as the father. The child is ENTITLED to military benefits and that, in the long run, will be worth the hassle it'll take to get them.

If she was closer to my home state where I primarily work I'd tell you to give me a call. I may be able to still help, drop me a PM if you'd like.