View Full Version : Breaking up with SO
ktchic19
02-22-10, 11:59 AM
Hi I'm sorry I'm not a Marine but my boyfriend is. And I'm new to this site and wasn't sure where to post this but I would really love a Marine's opinion or suggestion/s. We just brought Nick home last week from boot camp for his 10 day boot leave. While in boot camp we only had letters to communicate with as I'm sure you all know. He always told me how he missed me and couldn't wait to marry me and have a family, which we talked about before he ever went. I was so happy when those 3 months were finally over and I could see his face again. The very first night I took him out to drink with all our friends. Well we got into a small fight and the next day he avoided me all day, Valentine's Day by the way. Monday he finally texted me, wouldn't even call, and told me he needed a break. He wouldn't even come and talk to me about it and never saw me or talked to me the rest of his time home, he left this morning. His mom told me it seemed like he snapped and just couldn't take the stress of a serious relationship right out of boot camp and needed to focus on SOI. A friend of mine ran into him and Nick told him he just couldn't handle it. I love this man with all my heart and respect him more than anything. I can't imagine a better man. I never meant to stress him out and knew he needed to stay focused for SOI so I agreed to just leave him alone and when he was ready to talk he would, but he left without ever talking to me. Is this normal behavior? Is there any chance he will ever give me a chance and maybe get back to our plans for the future? Even if he does decide he doesn't want a relationship, I would just appreciate the opportunity for him to talk to me. As much as I know this time needs to be all about him, I can't help but feel a little angry that he just avoided everything we had because he couldn't handle it. What should I do?
I don't know how different SOI is from boot camp. It seemed like he was having difficulties getting back into a normal society where he could choose for himself and actually have a thought of his own. And his mom said something about he just couldn't be told what to do anymore, not that I was ever trying to do that. My theory is that SOI might be a little better for him since he won't have the DIs in his face at all times. And he'll have the weekends off so he will actually have time to think about stuff and have a little bit of a life. Is this at all correct? Obviously I'm a little new to the Marine life, he's only been in a few months. Not that I'm a stranger to military life completely, my family is a Navy family..Grandpa, Dad, and currently my cuz.
Anyway, sorry this is so long, it's just very important to me. Does anyone have any suggestions for me or any ideas what I can honestly expect from this. I know I probably won't like some of your posts but I need to hear it as well. I'm just praying that it's not over forever, but I will give him the time and space he needs to rediscover who he is as a Marine.
Lisa 23
02-22-10, 12:11 PM
You're posting in the wrong part of the forum.
You may want to contact a mod...jinelson or thedrifter....and ask to have this thread moved to another part of the forum.
Rocky C
02-22-10, 12:32 PM
I'm sorry to read your post.
You sound like a Very Nice Young Lady and Love your Boyfriend but this Story is not the first but one of many Hundreds I have read before.
Please remember that he is a United States Marine now and at the Beginning of his Carreer and must stay Focused at the Mission that lies Ahead for Him.
Give it time and if you Truely Love Him please Support whatever decision he comes to.
Good Luck.
ktchic19
02-22-10, 12:35 PM
Thank you. I am giving him his space and when he is ready he can make the first move to talk to me. It's just very hard on my end wanting to say all this stuff to him and having to just hold it all in.
Rocky C
02-22-10, 12:51 PM
Thank you. I am giving him his space and when he is ready he can make the first move to talk to me. It's just very hard on my end wanting to say all this stuff to him and having to just hold it all in.
I know, That's why I took the time to Reply to you.
Feels a little better when you get it off your chest.
Hang in there:thumbup:.
Rocky
Hi there,
Dont worry things wld be fine. Be happy atleast u know ur bf is fine. me here i lost contacts with my bf coz he loves to be a marine and i dont even know if he is safe n sound
ktchic19
02-22-10, 01:00 PM
O wow, I am so sorry. I hope the best for you and your situation. And thank you for your kind words.
I'm sorry to read your post.
You sound like a Very Nice Young Lady and Love your Boyfriend but this Story is not the first but one of many Hundreds I have read before.
Please remember that he is a United States Marine now and at the Beginning of his Carreer and must stay Focused at the Mission that lies Ahead for Him.
Give it time and if you Truely Love Him please Support whatever decision he comes to.
Good Luck.
Couldn't have said it better. Agree 100%.
sully0331
02-22-10, 02:08 PM
Just hang in there not to ruin your idea of infantry school but its much worst mentaly then bootcamp. If your an 11 you may get one night off on the weekends if your lucky since 99% of your time your living in the woods. If hes an 31 41 51 or 52 he will get weekends off most of the time. SOI is your first little taste of fleet life and you get the harsh reality right away from your instructors that within a year of leaving training you will all be in combat and some of you may not be alive. SOI is where it hit me that you truly need to appreciate everything you have because your instructors open up about there love lives you hear about the divorces and war stories its your first taste of the reality of the Corps and not so much the educating like Bootcamp. I will bet you anything within the first month of being at SOI he will call you and beg you back in his life I promise because I was that guy different situation but still very similar hang in there. erhhh
polizei
02-22-10, 02:24 PM
He's a Marine now, so his mindset has changed. Now, don't let that scare you...I'll tell you, after I finally came home from my training (I'm reserve) I had a severe panic attack in a public mall, and felt VERY confused and uncomfortable for about 3 months. Now, coming home from boot wasn't that bad at all.
Just keep in mind that he's changed, if he loves you he'll come back, just let things take their time. Otherwise, good luck, nothing you can really do though honestly.
Rocky C
02-22-10, 02:47 PM
Couldn't have said it better. Agree 100%.
:usmc::thumbup::usmc:
Th3 Maelstr0m
02-22-10, 03:33 PM
He's a Marine now, so his mindset has changed. Now, don't let that scare you...I'll tell you, after I finally came home from my training (I'm reserve) I had a severe panic attack in a public mall, and felt VERY confused and uncomfortable for about 3 months. Now, coming home from boot wasn't that bad at all.
Just keep in mind that he's changed, if he loves you he'll come back, just let things take their time. Otherwise, good luck, nothing you can really do though honestly.
Panic attack from training? please tell me you're joking.
ktchic19
02-22-10, 03:48 PM
Just hang in there not to ruin your idea of infantry school but its much worst mentaly then bootcamp. If your an 11 you may get one night off on the weekends if your lucky since 99% of your time your living in the woods. If hes an 31 41 51 or 52 he will get weekends off most of the time. SOI is your first little taste of fleet life and you get the harsh reality right away from your instructors that within a year of leaving training you will all be in combat and some of you may not be alive. SOI is where it hit me that you truly need to appreciate everything you have because your instructors open up about there love lives you hear about the divorces and war stories its your first taste of the reality of the Corps and not so much the educating like Bootcamp. I will bet you anything within the first month of being at SOI he will call you and beg you back in his life I promise because I was that guy different situation but still very similar hang in there. erhhh
Lord knows I hope your right. I just want to be there as a support system, as much as I can be that is. And I know he kows that, and he knows I'm proud of him and all that. I'm just so used to being the one in control and now I have to give it all to him and it's a little scary being totally useless. But I will support whatever decision he comes to.
And thank you to all who replied. I know this thread shouldn't have been in here and you didn't have to respond, so I really appreciate it.
polizei
02-22-10, 04:48 PM
Panic attack from training? please tell me you're joking.
No, it wasn't from training at all. It was from the sudden shift from being on AD (training) and then being thrown into civilian life again. I wasn't around the other Marines, I didn't feel comfortable or safe.
It wasn't like I freaked out or some stupid crap, I just didn't like being around a whole bunch of people that I didn't know, it took a while to get "back" into things. I think you might have gotten the impression that I was freaking out, crying or hyperventilating or some crap lol. I just didn't adjust right away. I probably shouldn't have said severe attack, but to me it was (as I've never had that before). It was more like "where are the Marines, I don't feel right here" sort of thing.
Gunner 0313
02-22-10, 04:56 PM
:flag:Can you post a picture ?
ktchic19
02-22-10, 05:08 PM
:flag:Can you post a picture ?
Me?
Jodi is out there and he is waiting for your beau to kick you to the curb so he can slip in. Just be cool and aloof. No ultimatums but if your next text exchange is that you have moved on and you mean it then it just cut you both some slack.
The high school mind games are over.
Gunner 0313
02-22-10, 05:12 PM
:flag:LMFAO ! I couldn't help myself. YES YOU !
Rocky C
02-22-10, 05:18 PM
Me?
Yes Please :D
Gunner 0313
02-22-10, 05:19 PM
:flag:I call dibs pending a pic eval, LMFAO !
ktchic19
02-22-10, 05:24 PM
I tried to get a pic on my profile but it wouldn't load. I didn't think it was that difficult...
Rocky C
02-22-10, 05:28 PM
I tried to get a pic on my profile but it wouldn't load. I didn't think it was that difficult...
Keep Trying Katie, we are all waiting :D:banana:
Gunner 0313
02-22-10, 05:29 PM
:flag:Apparently others have been saying they've been unsuccessful uploading pictures also.
I'll take care of you sweetheart !
ktchic19
02-22-10, 05:29 PM
Wow, you Marines are all the same lol
Rocky C
02-22-10, 05:31 PM
That's right, problems with the Uploads.
OK, Description and hair color will do I guess :(
Gunner 0313
02-22-10, 05:33 PM
:flag:Send a pic to my email.
Rocky C
02-22-10, 05:41 PM
You Know in the Beginning I felt really bad for the Poor Girl but as the Thread is getting Longer and Longer I have to ask this;
Petz, is that you??? How is Okinawa Bro???
Dang if I don't think Rocky nailed it.
ktchic19
02-22-10, 05:44 PM
No idea who you're talking about.
Rocky C
02-22-10, 05:46 PM
Dang if I don't think Rocky nailed it.
:thumbup: That's what I'm Thinking Bob!!!
Kelly, let us know what you got for the email pic:D
ktchic19
02-22-10, 05:47 PM
I'm not emailing anything, I managed to get a few on the member gallery. But it don't mean anything anyway, it's all of me and my love!!!
thezero
02-22-10, 05:53 PM
We keep having senior enlisted and Officers saying the first year of the FLEET is the hardest on a relationship. If you think you two can handle it with out a lot of issues then go for it if it will be to rough then you may need to have a serious talk/sit and think about it.
Infantry from what I can tell use their phones when they can and are not in the field and normally have weekends off. I wouldn't worry about him getting into a lot of trouble at Camp Johnson though, you have a hooters $23 away and a ****ty as club in front of the gate...which is norm for Marine bases. All to what you want, just remember the first year of the fleet is the hardest on a relationship and they advise us to not marry in our first term so we can adjust and try to get our relationships adjusted.
Rocky C
02-22-10, 05:53 PM
Good Night All!!!
I had enough Fun.
Good Luck Katie!!!
Semper Fi,
Rocky out............
ktchic19
02-22-10, 05:56 PM
We keep having senior enlisted and Officers saying the first year of the FLEET is the hardest on a relationship. If you think you two can handle it with out a lot of issues then go for it if it will be to rough then you may need to have a serious talk/sit and think about it.
Infantry from what I can tell use their phones when they can and are not in the field and normally have weekends off. I wouldn't worry about him getting into a lot of trouble at Camp Johnson though, you have a hooters $23 away and a ****ty as club in front of the gate...which is norm for Marine bases. All to what you want, just remember the first year of the fleet is the hardest on a relationship and they advise us to not marry in our first term so we can adjust and try to get our relationships adjusted.
He's going to Camp Geiger, not if there's much difference there and he is infantry. I heard that the 1st year is the heardest so I was expecting some rough times and that was why I was trying to keep things as stress free as possible, but exes just love to cause drama. I think we'll be okay with our history, this waiting game is just very confusing and frustrating. Thanks!!