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thedrifter
10-14-09, 09:19 AM
Military kids cope with service member suicide

10/13/2009 By Pfc. Daniel Boothe , Marine Corps Base Camp Pendleton

Military children from across the country coping with service member suicide found help from the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors and Camp Pendleton volunteers in San Diego Oct. 10.

More than 40 children reflected on and coped with feelings of grief alongside 50 active-duty volunteers during TAPS’s three-day event.


“All of the children here have lost someone very important in their lives due to suicide,” said Ami Neiberger-Miller, TAPS’s public affairs officer, who lost her brother in Iraq two years ago. “Our goal is to help these kids develop lifelong coping mechanisms and offer the peer support to overcome this grief.”


Children ages four to 18 found this support from their Pendleton mentors who conducted group discussions and took the kids to San Diego’s USS Midway Museum.


“I wish we could say something to take the pain away, but we can’t,” said Chad T. Weikel, group leader and TAPS mentor trainer who also lost his brother in Iraq. “Offering them this peer-based support, a caring adult mentor and lifelong coping mechanisms are the biggest things we can do for them.”


In addition to the loss of a loved one, children often lose their connection to the military when the parent left behind doesn’t serve, said Neiberger-Miller. When this happens, families frequently move closer to relatives for support, adding the loss of a home, friends and school to a child’s list of grief.


“It’s like being part of a bee hive, and then finding out your not a bee,” said Neiberger-Miller. “These mentors are designed to help reestablish that connection.”


Volunteer mentors were trained prior to the event by TAPS Staff on how to best support the child’s needs and provide help in coping with the significant loss.


“There is a misconception that time heals, but time doesn’t do anything but go by," said Weikel. "But the more work you put into getting help, going to counseling and sharing with other people makes the days a little bit easier. The grief doesn’t go away, we don’t miss them any less, but we find different ways to get through the day,” he said.


After the 50 needed mentoring spots were filled and news of the event spread, TAPS had to turn away nearly 70 volunteers from the military mentor effort.


Sometimes we get a mix of ethusiastic volunteers and not so enthused volunteers, said Weikel. But at Pendleton, every single volunteer ethusiastically participated in this event. I had a dozen mentors come up to me personally and ask what they could do for the children. You just don’t see that all the time, he added.


Mentors from nearly every enlisted rank volunteered several hours each day to mentor during the federal holiday weekend.


“This group of mentors has really been special,” said Weikel. “We have had great mentors every where we have gone, but these mentors, for whatever reason, seem more committed than others and really want to give up their time to work with the kids.”


As the event came to a close, children simultaneously released balloons filled with letters to their recently lost loved ones in the air on San Diego’s Mission Beach.


"We felt it was really important to hold this event for these families because they have some unique things they are working out," said Neiberger-Miller. "It really sends a strong message to families coping with service member suicide that they are not alone and are not the only family going through these types of problems."


For additional information or to contribute to the non-profit TAPS organization call (800) 959-8277 or log onto www.taps.org.

Ellie