I need some advice

[ajdep23]

Hello Marines,

My name's Allen. I'm getting married next October (2010). I'm 23 years old and have been with my fiancee for 5 years. Her father is a CMSgt of the Air Force and until recently it has been my plan to join the AF as well. After doing a lot of research on jobs in the AF and comparing it to the Army and USMC, I've decided that I want to be a Marine. I know a lot of people in the Air Force and they're great people but whenever I meet a Marine they leave a lasting impression on me. There's something different about Marines and I want to be part of that culture and tradition. I think it will have a beneficial, long-lasting impact on both my fiancee and I's life together. She's having a really hard time dealing with my decision. She's scared for me and doesn't want to have to see me off to war. While I understand where she's coming from, this is something I want to do. I want to make a difference. I'm hoping you have some advice on how I can help her through the process.

On a side note, I would really like to join right now but her family has put a lot of money into putting our wedding together and I think postponing or expediting it would be disrespectful. We already have the date booked, deposits down for the venue, photographers, etc. Is it possible for me to go to boot camp and get a week or two off afterwards for our wedding? I realize this is probably an unrealistic request and I have no problem waiting until I'm married but I'd love to be able to earn my Dress Blues so I could wear them at our wedding.

Thank you

[sparkie]

i need another beer,,,,,,,,

You get 2 weeks off after boot now a days,,,,, Don't have to earn Blues, you rate em after boot,,, buy em.

[josephd]

as disrespectful as canceling the wedding may be, if you feel earning your title as a Marine is more important than do what you need to do

I believe that the Corps will change your mind about being married, it did me anyway(and I am a reservist!). If you really want to be a Marine I would hold off on the marriage until you are done with boot, SOI and/or MOS school

This is all just my opinion so take it as you want and for what its worth

[sparkie]

as disrespectful as canceling the wedding may be, if you feel earning your title as a Marine is more important than do what you need to do

I believe that the Corps will change your mind about being married, it did me anyway(and I am a reservist!). If you really want to be a Marine I would hold off on the marriage until you are done with boot, SOI and/or MOS school

This is all just my opinion so take it as you want and for what its worth


Good stuff,,,,,,,,

[Zulu 36]

If you went in now, there would be no telling whether you could get leave then or not. A year from now you could be in the sandbox and they don't just give you time off to go home and get hitched.

You hold off in DEP, then you have a big wedding just in time to disappear on her for three months (assuming you make it through on schedule), come home for ten-days, then disappear for several more months at a minimum.

Yep, I can see where she'd be a little uptight.

Plus I'll give you the standard advice I give. Don't get married until you are at least a Sergeant (unless you or her are independently wealthy).

[Failuredrill]

If you went in now, there would be no telling whether you could get leave then or not. A year from now you could be in the sandbox and they don't just give you time off to go home and get hitched.

You hold off in DEP, then you have a big wedding just in time to disappear on her for three months (assuming you make it through on schedule), come home for ten-days, then disappear for several more months at a minimum.

Yep, I can see where she'd be a little uptight.

Plus I'll give you the standard advice I give. Don't get married until you are at least a Sergeant (unless you or her are independently wealthy).

I'll add to that, don't even think about getting married until you are about 30. Seriously.

[ajdep23]

Thanks for your honesty. What is it that you think will change my mind about getting married? Or is it something that I won't know until I go to boot? I'm confident in my decision to get hitched. Are most Marines single?

[josephd]

Thanks for your honesty. What is it that you think will change my mind about getting married? Or is it something that I won't know until I go to boot? I'm confident in my decision to get hitched. Are most Marines single?

boot camp effects everyone differently, lets just say it gave me alot more perspective and direction. But that direction was different than where my girl was headed and where she already was. You wont know until you have graduated and see kinda the bigger picture of what you want to do.

And yes most Marines are single (junior Marines anyway)

[Failuredrill]

Life in the Marine Corps is stressful enough without a wife, you add that to the mix and the both of you are going to make it extremely difficult on each other. If you just can't wait and think it is the right decision at least wait until you've been in the fleet for a while and get a deployment under your belt in my opinion. You will then get a very good idea on how the both of you can handle being apart and not communicating for weeks, even months at a time depending on where you are at. Just from my own personal experience, I got married when I had about 6 months left on active duty.. I had my doubts but had already set everything up and felt like I was too far in to put it off or whatever, big mistake. Do not get married unless you are 100000% sure it is the right thing, know the family, know her friends, I'm guessing since you've been together a while you live together? Maybe not though considering the beliefs of some, if you don't I would obviously recommend that before even thinking about getting married if at all possible.

[ajdep23]

Life in the Marine Corps is stressful enough without a wife, you add that to the mix and the both of you are going to make it extremely difficult on each other. If you just can't wait and think it is the right decision at least wait until you've been in the fleet for a while and get a deployment under your belt in my opinion. You will then get a very good idea on how the both of you can handle being apart and not communicating for weeks, even months at a time depending on where you are at. Just from my own personal experience, I got married when I had about 6 months left on active duty.. I had my doubts but had already set everything up and felt like I was too far in to put it off or whatever, big mistake. Do not get married unless you are 100000% sure it is the right thing, know the family, know her friends, I'm guessing since you've been together a while you live together? Maybe not though considering the beliefs of some, if you don't I would obviously recommend that before even thinking about getting married if at all possible.


We've been together for a long time, lived together for 4 years. Both of us work and do all our finances together (share credit cards, bank accts, you name it) so we're basically married already. We haven't spent any extended period of time away from each other so I can't say how that will affect us. I'm really close with her family and she is with mine as well. She would have a lot of support from both sides of the family while I'm gone to help her through. But still, she's resilient to the idea but has said that she'll support me no matter what I decide.

[MontezumaCpl]

I agree with my Brothers. Sounds like your decision to be a Marine is a well thought out and informed decision on your part. I would seriously consider postponing the wedding until you are at least done with Boot Camp, MCT, and MOS training. Boot Camp will add some maturity, perspective and insight into your life. I was not married while I was in the Marines, but I knew a number of junior Marines that were and it can be rather harsh on newlyweds especially when you are not an NCO.

I'm not saying to forget about the wedding, just that you will be so busy with USMC training and the resultant impacts on your personal & professional life may make it quite tough on your wife. Being a Marine Wife is a tough enough job, and we wouldn't want you to cause any undo stress on yourself, your committment to the Corps and your wife.

Best of Luck!

[ajdep23]

I agree with my Brothers. Sounds like your decision to be a Marine is a well thought out and informed decision on your part. I would seriously consider postponing the wedding until you are at least done with Boot Camp, MCT, and MOS training. Boot Camp will add some maturity, perspective and insight into your life. I was not married while I was in the Marines, but I knew a number of junior Marines that were and it can be rather harsh on newlyweds especially when you are not an NCO.

I'm not saying to forget about the wedding, just that you will be so busy with USMC training and the resultant impacts on your personal & professional life may make it quite tough on your wife. Being a Marine Wife is a tough enough job, and we wouldn't want you to cause any undo stress on yourself, your committment to the Corps and your wife.

Best of Luck!
Thanks for the advice. I'm actually surprised everyone has said for me not to get married. But I appreciate all the honesty in this forum. Thanks again Marines.

[thewookie]

Thanks for the advice. I'm actually surprised everyone has said for me not to get married. But I appreciate all the honesty in this forum. Thanks again Marines.

There's a reason why most of us will say don't get married. Trust us. You think this and that, which is a result of what you have seen and done in your life, to this point. However, we speak to what we have seen and done. Marriage and the Marine Corps work, but it will test you like nothing you can compare it to. And honestly most of then fail, somebody might have hard stats, but I'd say two out of three or over 60%.

I would recommend earning the title first,,, do that for you. If she is the right girl, she will wait. You can get married anytime, things can be postponed -- in the big picture, 20 years from now that will all be moot. While you are away, give me her contact info and I'll look after her until you're back. Any pics BTW?

Or be one of the many and join the Air Force....:flag:

[ajdep23]

While you are away, give me her contact info and I'll look after her until you're back. Any pics BTW?

Or be one of the many and join the Air Force....:flag:

Haha, thanks for your courtesy man. Strong effort. Thanks for the advice prior though. lmao.

[Big Jim]

There's a reason why most of us will say don't get married. Trust us. You think this and that, which is a result of what you have seen and done in your life, to this point. However, we speak to what we have seen and done. Marriage and the Marine Corps work, but it will test you like nothing you can compare it to. And honestly most of then fail, somebody might have hard stats, but I'd say two out of three or over 60%.

I would recommend earning the title first,,, do that for you. If she is the right girl, she will wait. You can get married anytime, things can be postponed -- in the big picture, 20 years from now that will all be moot. While you are away, give me her contact info and I'll look after her until you're back. Any pics BTW?

Or be one of the many and join the Air Force....:flag:


Ah, Jody...um...I mean my brother Wook.....LOL....eloquent and funny as ever.

No doubt that you want to be a part of our culture and brotherhood there, young lad. But there's something you need to understand about this decision first. You may join the Air Force, Army or Navy....but you become a Marine. It never leaves you and you never truly leave it....having said just that alone....you need to ask yourself....can you handle that type of thing....can your fiancee...?? If you have any doubt whatsoever.....you have your answer....

[thewookie]

Haha, thanks for your courtesy man. Strong effort. Thanks for the advice prior though. lmao.

I'm just kidding with that last bit about your girl, I think you know that -- some levity is good after some advice. Think long and hard about what you're going to do, you can't go back and do it over again. Use the guidance you received here and make a difference, or just be part of the crowd. Good luck, and keep us posted.

[ajdep23]

Ah, Jody...um...I mean my brother Wook.....LOL....eloquent and funny as ever.

No doubt that you want to be a part of our culture and brotherhood there, young lad. But there's something you need to understand about this decision first. You may join the Air Force, Army or Navy....but you become a Marine. It never leaves you and you never truly leave it....having said just that alone....you need to ask yourself....can you handle that type of thing....can your fiancee...?? If you have any doubt whatsoever.....you have your answer....

I don't doubt that I could handle the situation and I think my fiancee can as well. She's a strong, committed woman. I guess there's no answer to how I can help her through the process of becoming a Marine wife. Everybody's different and there's only one way to find out. Thanks for your advice, Marine.

[ajdep23]

I'm just kidding with that last bit about your girl, I think you know that -- some levity is good after some advice. Think long and hard about what you're going to do, you can't go back and do it over again. Use the guidance you received here and make a difference, or just be part of the crowd. Good luck, and keep us posted.

Nah I hear ya, haha. I like that approach: "one of the many, part of the crowd." Exactly what I don't want to be. Thanks again for the advice. I'll take it to heart.

[samthomas]

There's a reason why most of us will say don't get married.

I saw a ton of wrecked marriages during my four years on active duty. Yes, having lived with the girl for several years makes your situation somewhat different than others, but I would still encourage you to consider the decision. The life of a junior enlisted Marine is not family friendly.

[ajdep23]

I saw a ton of wrecked marriages during my four years on active duty. Yes, having lived with the girl for several years makes your situation somewhat different than others, but I would still encourage you to consider the decision. The life of a junior enlisted Marine is not family friendly.

Thanks Marine. I have 83 hours of college credit so I'll be going in as an E-3. My question to you is: How fast can I rank up (I'm a motivated, hard-working person) and at what point does Marine life become family friendly, if at all?

*edit* I'm planning on doing infantry or combat engineer most likely. That's probably important information to answer my question about gaining rank.

[0331 2 0369]

Thanks Marine. I have 83 hours of college credit so I'll be going in as an E-3. My question to you is: How fast can I rank up (I'm a motivated, hard-working person) and at what point does Marine life become family friendly, if at all?

*edit* I'm planning on doing infantry or combat engineer most likely. That's probably important information to answer my question about gaining rank.


You have had me believing you might be able to work things out by getting married before you join. You definitely lost me with that last part. Both are very demanding MOS's. And they require you to be seperated from your wife/kids a he11 of a lot more than any man should ever be.

I retired March '08. My kids were 6 and 10. My 10 yr old had gone through 5 deployments and my 5 yr old had gone through only 2. Now when you add on all the field time/CAX and what-not....... That is a lot of time to be away from your wife and kids. Granted you don't have kids, or at least you haven't said anything about kids yet, but that is a lot of time to be away. 3 of those 10 years of my sons life was in a non-deployable status bcause of my duty station. So you can pretty much say I did 5 deployments in 7 yrs of his life.

If marriage is something you are definitely going to do, might want to consider a different MOS. Or reconsider the AF.

[samthomas]

I have 83 hours of college credit so I'll be going in as an E-3.

I was under the impression that the highest enlisted rank you could contract for was PFC. The Army will give you E-3 for your education.

[ajdep23]

I was under the impression that the highest enlisted rank you could contract for was PFC. The Army will give you E-3 for your education.

Ahh okay, I'm sure you're right.

[ajdep23]

Yep, just did some research. USMC is the only branch that won't let you get up to E-3 for college credits. What I found is that PFC is the highest rank you can enter boot camp at and LCPL is the highest rank you can graduate at. But I'd still like to know, at what rank does family life improve? CPL?

[thewookie]

Yep, just did some research. USMC is the only branch that won't let you get up to E-3 for college credits. What I found is that PFC is the highest rank you can enter boot camp at and LCPL is the highest rank you can graduate at. But I'd still like to know, at what rank does family life improve? CPL?

The answer here young tadpole lies on how you live your life more then anything else: To answer your question. If you go out and buy a nice phat car, excuse me, if you go out and finance a nice phat car, along with having lots of other high monthly debt obligations, from credit cards and the like -- then it might take YOU until you make Sgt. or above to see the family life improve, financially speaking.

Not only will high debt destroy a marriage -- if not managed properly it will ruin your career. Think twice about what you want, versus, what you NEED, and Senior LCpl pay might make family life improve, financially speaking. ;)

[Zulu 36]

There's that Senior LCpl again. Is that paygrade E-3S? :marine:

[thewookie]

E-3 over 3 these days.....;)




There's that Senior LCpl again. Is that paygrade E-3S? :marine:

[ajdep23]

The answer here young tadpole lies on how you live your life more then anything else: To answer your question. If you go out and buy a nice phat car, excuse me, if you go out and finance a nice phat car, along with having lots of other high monthly debt obligations, from credit cards and the like -- then it might take YOU until you make Sgt. or above to see the family life improve, financially speaking.

Not only will high debt destroy a marriage -- if not managed properly it will ruin your career. Think twice about what you want, versus, what you NEED, and Senior LCpl pay might make family life improve, financially speaking. ;)

I hear ya. We have virtually no debt. No student loans. Only 2 grand or so (mainly from me having work done on my truck) but I work 7 days a week and will pay it off in no time. I would like to spend this year training and working my ass off so I can go into the military debt free and in top shape. I definitely don't live outside of my means. We have a very small apt, inexpensive truck, etc. I've run my own business and am highly motivated at a young age. Fiancee is going to be a CPA and she knows how to handle money for sure. It's not the finances I'm worried about.. money has nothing to do with me wanting to be a Marine. I figure when Marines say that Jr. Marines life is not family friendly they mean the lifestyle and not the financial situation. Am I wrong? Thanks again for all the advice Marines, it's been extremely helpful!

[LarryStarr]

I figure when Marines say that Jr. Marines life is not family friendly they mean the lifestyle and not the financial situation. Am I wrong? Thanks again for all the advice Marines, it's been extremely helpful!

Both! Young marriages tend to be emotionally needy, requiring a lot of commitment of time from both parties, and starting a career in the Marine Corps is NOT conducive to providing that personal time.
Young marriages also, tend to have a problem separating "wants" from "needs" financially and, there is a tendency to compensate for one parties absence by spending money, on "wants".
It can work but, even for the right couple, there will be a great deal of stress!

[Quinbo]

I really can't think of a rank / pay grade where family life improves. Your primary family lives in the barracks and you will spend most of your waking hours with them. You might get to go home for a conjugal visit but don't expect it to be a leave it to beaver leave for work at 0830 and get home at 1700 lifestyle. If anything moving up in rank will make your profession more demanding work wise. Sure you won't see the 1st Sgt out doing FOD walks on the grinder at 0600 in the morning but I'll bet he was at work before you woke up.