View Full Version : Temporary seperation...
I need some help from ya'll...some advice. As some of you know from my other post, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer during boot camp. She's been telling me she's doing well, but it was sugarcoated...
I'm currently starting week 3 of my ITB and I just can't put it behind me that she may not be here in the next year or two. I've done some research online about getting humanitarian seperation or extended leave but I was wondering if I could get some personal input.
I dont want to leave the Marine Corps. I want to finish my four years, but I also need to be there with my mother right now. My stepdad is much older and has had numerous corrective surgeries the past few years and just isn't in the physical shape to care for her, take her to her treatments and still run our farm and provide for them. I don't know what to do. There aren't any bases nearby that I can transfer to either.
Any advice? What I'd like to do is finish my training and then get an extended leave to take care of her and return to service when either she's been deemed a "survivor" or until she's gone. Any advice??
Zulu 36
09-06-09, 09:14 PM
I need some help from ya'll...some advice. As some of you know from my other post, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer during boot camp. She's been telling me she's doing well, but it was sugarcoated...
I'm currently starting week 3 of my ITB and I just can't put it behind me that she may not be here in the next year or two. I've done some research online about getting humanitarian seperation or extended leave but I was wondering if I could get some personal input.
I dont want to leave the Marine Corps. I want to finish my four years, but I also need to be there with my mother right now. My stepdad is much older and has had numerous corrective surgeries the past few years and just isn't in the physical shape to care for her, take her to her treatments and still run our farm and provide for them. I don't know what to do. There aren't any bases nearby that I can transfer to either.
Any advice? What I'd like to do is finish my training and then get an extended leave to take care of her and return to service when either she's been deemed a "survivor" or until she's gone. Any advice??
You won't get an "extended leave." If you leave ITB early, you'll be done with the Corps. Even if an admin separation is authorized, it isn't a one or two day affair. It could be weeks policing cigarette butts until everything comes through.
Have you discussed this with your chain of command?
You won't get an "extended leave." If you leave ITB early, you'll be done with the Corps. Even if an admin separation is authorized, it isn't a one or two day affair. It could be weeks policing cigarette butts until everything comes through.
Have you discussed this with your chain of command?
Kind of...I spoke with my platoon commander the other day and he said there wasn't anything that could be done. I don't want to go over his head though and see the Gunnery Sgt or the 1st Sgt before getting some advice here.
Phantom Blooper
09-06-09, 09:41 PM
Lupo,
Is there any reserve stations or I&I staff in Broward county or within reasonable driving distance?
There have been some hardship cases in the past that the parent command would attach a Marine to an I&I staff as a FAP or TAD until the problem at home was resolved......utilizing them in supply,admin,MT,gopher etc.
Do some research then broach this subject to your command.
However this was done when the Marine was in the fleet for awhile and not in school....but it is worth a try.
If that doesn't work...then the only other thing I can think of is what SGT Zulu said above.:evilgrin:
Good luck to you.
Zulu 36
09-06-09, 09:43 PM
Kind of...I spoke with my platoon commander the other day and he said there wasn't anything that could be done. I don't want to go over his head though and see the Gunnery Sgt or the 1st Sgt before getting some advice here.
Your platoon commander is probably right, but you can still go up higher. Just tell him that you want to see the 1stSgt over the matter. You went to him first, so you aren't going over his head.
thank you for the input. She lives in Franklin, NC (the western part of the state,,,5 or 6 hours from where i'm at in jacksonville right now)
I'll do some research I guess to see if she's near anything but i doubt it since she's kinda in the middle of nowhere pretty much.
I really don't want to leave teh Corps. I've put so much into it as far as boot camp and the DEP goes...it would really upset me to have to walk away after all that. And I really wanted to GI bill in order to finish my education.
God works in mysterious ways I guess. I'll figure it out some how or another. Keep the advice coming though.
Oh and whats I&I?
06290621parent
09-06-09, 10:48 PM
Pardon the intrusion, Marines. Lupo, I can't help you with the Marine side of this but I do have a couple of observations as a Mom and a breast cancer survivor.
The initial chemo for breast cancer can, indeed, suck. Usually it's done after surgery to prevent the cancer from coming back. The type and length of the treatment depends on the pathology of the particular cancer. It is wonderful to have someone to support you through it but many women go it alone. After the treatment ends it's a waiting game. My treatment lasted 8 months and I have had no evidence of disease for 8 years. That being said, I personally know of 2 cases where women were in continuous treatment for 8 and 19 years, respectively. Those type of cases are not common but are happening more and more and the survival rate continues to go up. I know this is hard to think about but breast cancer generally does not take it's victims quickly. If the situation were to become hopeless, you would likely know well in advance.
You mention issues with transportation, the family business and you stepdad's health. Only you know how effective your presence would be in resolving those issues.
Your Mom is blessed to have a son as devoted as you are. If she is anything like me she would be ****ed if you left the Corps to come home to take care of her. Even if you have to do that eventually, you may be more help down the road than you would be now. Please consider everything very, very carefully before you make an irrevocable decision. I'll be praying for you.
Mom of 2 awesome Marine communicators
thanks...im sure she would be disappointed and feel responsible but at the same time, i can't imagine the stress she'd be under knowing her only son was in Afghanistan as an infantryman for 7 months...just doesn't seem like the type of thing a cancer patient needs to be worrying about...thats what weighs on me the most.
StoneTheWeak
09-06-09, 11:52 PM
With you being in training still and the Marine Corps hasn't spent the full amount training you, they would probably try and process you out for a hardship discharge. It's easier than putting you...
06290621parent
09-07-09, 12:05 AM
thanks...im sure she would be disappointed and feel responsible but at the same time, i can't imagine the stress she'd be under knowing her only son was in Afghanistan as an infantryman for 7 months...just doesn't seem like the type of thing a cancer patient needs to be worrying about...thats what weighs on me the most.
<TABLE class=tborder cellSpacing=1 cellPadding=6 width="100%" align=center border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=alt1>You're very thoughtful. I hadn't thought about it from that angle. I guess I've been a Marine Mom for too long (10 years). Deployments are what they do and the last thing I want to be is something they have to worry about so I've trained myself to appear concerned but not terrified. The older one will be going to Afghanistan shortly. I'll admit it's scarier than the last 2 Iraq deployments. </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
echo3oscar1833
09-07-09, 10:37 AM
In my view Lupo, honesty is the best option, I would talk to your First Sergeant. I would see what he/she can do, even if for some reason they won't let you leave during school, which is...
Ya I'm not too worried about a career...I have family businesses I can fall back on...been there for 8 years before I decided I wanted to finally go through with this. Then, all at once, the world...
Zulu 36
09-07-09, 12:51 PM
One thing popped into my rapidly deteriorating mind, have you discussed this with your mother and gotten her input and wishes? You may upset her more getting out of the Corps.
Also, does she have health insurance that will pay for home nursing service?
06290621parent mentioned her experiences and that a lot of women go through this alone. I've known single women who have gone through breast cancer, but they were never "alone." They had friends, relatives, etc, who would help and support them.
What point is she at with cancer treatment? Surgery soon, or what?
charm1110
09-07-09, 01:17 PM
Lupo, <br />
I don't know if it helps your decision making process but I have a friend who got a hardship discharge and to be honest he's told me more than once that he wishes he would've found a...
0331 2 0369
09-08-09, 08:09 AM
There has been some good input into this thread. Whatever you do, don't jump on the first grenade.
I lost my Dad when I was a Sgt. He had a rare cancer and it was on his brain. They told him what his chances where and it wasn't good. He opted for some experimental treatment in hopes that it might help out someone later down the road. I told my Dad I was looking at getting a transfer of getting out so I could be there with him. He pretty much told me that if I got out because of him that I wasn't welcome in his house. He was a hard man. Spent 4 yrs in the Corps back in the 50's and then 27 yrs as a LEO.
I lost my Mom when I was a GySgt. She had breast cancer and beat it. She passed away because of heart failure 12 yrs after being diagnosed with cancer. When her health started to go down hill, she pretty much told me the same thing my Dad did but not so bluntly.
Parents want the best for their kids and want nothing more than to see them succeed at whatever they set their sights on. They (parents) don't want to get in the way of their kids success. Parents don't want that burden on their shoulders. Think long and hard before you decide to jump. It could be a leap that takes you out of the Corps for good and hurt your Mom at the same time. Extremely tuff decission to make and I feel for you. Take your time and make a wise decission. I will keep your mom in my prayers.
temarti
09-08-09, 09:12 AM
Lupo, there has been some great advice offered, I can say that staying in might be what your Mother needs. This will give her something to fight for as well as motivate you to fight as well. Sometimes it is situations like this that drive both to survive. I certainly am not trying to sound like a therapist.
During my time on active duty my Grandmother was very ill with lung cancer. I grew up in my Grandparents house so this was very hard knowing that while in Oki or deployed I could get the dreaded red cross message. A year before I EAS'd I received the message while at LeJeune to go home, it was time. Well, we talked and she said that she was fine and that she had more fight in her and to carry on with my plans because she has enjoyed seeing the change in me. She passed in 96 a year after I got out. This gave her time to see me start the career I am in now, get to know my wife and share life lessons that I still fall back on today. So I believe that it is two fold, your Mom will use your time in the Marines as a tool to fight on, as well as you doing the same to make her proud.
Yea, we had a long talk today about it and she kind of agreed that worrying about me while on a 7 month deployment to afghanistan as a grunt might worry her and cause her more stress...thats what...
Rocky C
09-12-09, 06:08 PM
Lupo, I'm praying for your Moms Health and for YOU to make the Right Decision about your Future.
Your right, there is no critical need for you to make a command decision right now but whatever you decide I am sure it will be the right one.
Good Luck.
Semper Fi Brother,
Rocky
Thank you guys so much. I guess what i'd really like to do is either stick it out for at least one deployment so I can say I gave it all I had and did what I could for my country as an infantryman or switch to a safer MOS so I can say that I served my time and did what I could to serve. I really would hate to be that Marine that says "Ya, I was in but I got out without doing anything" You know? I want to be able to say "I was there!" but I just don't know if I'm willing to earn that right at the expense of my mothers health