Having Troubles

[recoverydog]

Hey all, I don't really post here I'm more of a lurker. I saw this forum and just had to post. I have been having some troubles lately and thought this might be the right place to go. First a little background. I was stationed at MCAS Miramar from 02-05 served as a Aircraft Recovery Specialist. (Emergency Aircraft Arresting Gear, runway lighting ect.) We hosted the annual MCAS Miramar airshow good times for all, one of the biggest airshows on the west coast.

October 15 2004 was just another day of kickin back with Crash Crew watching the airshow. I remember that bright yellow plane like it was yesterday, pulling up up up into the loop and coming down down down and slamming into the ground about 500 yards in front of me. I remember staring frozen in fear and disbelief at what just happened. Tower radio screaming "Crash! Crash! Crash!" and the firetrucks rolling.
I remember watching Crash Crew pull Sean DeRosier's lifeless body out of the aircraft and load him in the huey.

I picked up the pieces of Sean's airplane that day and loaded them on a flatbed truck. I remember the blood, used medical supplies and shattered pieces of aircraft. The airshow went on but I never really snapped out of the trance that I was in that day. It took me a few days to feel "normal" again. I EAS'ed one year to the day of that crash.My last year in the Corps I thought about that day a lot and I still do.

During my C&P exam before my EAS I had mentioned all of this to the shrink. I told him I thought I might have PTSD, he asked if I was ever in Iraq/Afghanistan. No I was not, he asked if I had ever seen any combat. No I have not, he then proceeded to tell me since I have never been to war that I could not posibbly be suffering from PTSD. So he gives me a 10% rating for Generalized Anexity Disorder.

Fast foward to Jan 2009. I have been out of the Corps for almost 4 years. I have a great job, I work for the City as an Airport Operations Specialist.
I am living the American Dream. Just bought a house, have a great wife and kids everything is peaches and cream. Then one day out of the blue I start to have what I can best describe as "Panic Attacks". Pounding heart dizzyness, parinoia ect, ect, I'm sure you all know the symptoms. At first I thought I was having a heart attack or stroke. So I haul a$$ to the emergency room and have all the blood, urine, x-rays, EKG tests done. Turns out I'm healthy as a horse.

So I have been seeing a VA shrink for a few months now and she has me on antidepressants and antianexity medication. It helps some, I guess I have good days and bad days. I explaned everything to her and she has yet to give me a firm diagnosis. Any help or tips from my fellow Marines? Somedays I feel totally out of control like I am losing my mind or going crazy. Other days I feel fine. But that day at Miramar will haunt me for the rest of my life.

[Phantom Blooper]

You have PTSD....

Look at a DSM manual and look up PTSD.

You need not be in war or conflict to have it.

Since you are not war related the VA will place you in the category that you fit into the most.

Women that are raped or molested can have PTSD....but the VA will rate it as another psychiatric disorder if not war related.

If you went to a civilian shrink.....they would tell you meet the criteria for PTSD which can be any traumatic event that scars your life.

But then they would place another such as anxiety disorder on you. These a labels that they use. You are normal..... I knew a young Marine involved in the Fuji fire in 1979...he is now deceased....he was not involved in any combat or conflicts of war...but until the day he died he had PTSD...not compensated by the VA but he was classified as an Anxiety disorder and depressed but in reality he had PTSD.

Take your meds and relax...do only what is necessary in your life and don't take wooden nickles.

Ask your shrink off the record if you have PTSD.....but since you were not at war is this why you were classified as Generalized Anxiety Disorder.I would bet if they had a grain of salt they would tell you yes...but they have to follow guidelines set forth by the government.:evilgrin:

Good luck!:beer:

[recoverydog]

Thanks Phantom

I feel guilty because I know there are a lot of Marines out ther with combat experience that have seen and experienced terrible things. Much more terrible than I can imagine. I don't want to come across as a crybaby but this has started to impact my day to day life.
I'm not intrested in huge compensation amounts from the VA. I just want to get this fixed. Thanks again for the advice Phantom. :usmc:

[RhodeIsland]

Listen to Phantom my Brother. Everything he said is 100% on the Money.
Continue with your Treatment and put one foot in front of the other and take one day at a time.
Good Luck to you Marine.
Prayers outbound.
Semper Fi,
Rocky

[SGT7477]

Thanks Phantom

I feel guilty because I know there are a lot of Marines out ther with combat experience that have seen and experienced terrible things. Much more terrible than I can imagine. I don't want to come across as a crybaby but this has started to impact my day to day life.
I'm not intrested in huge compensation amounts from the VA. I just want to get this fixed. Thanks again for the advice Phantom. :usmc:
Profile up Marine, Semper FI.:flag:

[sparkie]

Suck it up, Quit dwellin, Get on,,,,,,, Why didn't PTSD exist for WW!, WW2, Korea? "Cause it wasn't what they chose. They just chose to fight on, have a life, raise kids.
I know alot of my Bros will want to hang me,,,,,, but we don't have to choose a friggin crutch. Everyones different, I was locked up in the VA for 3 months. Till I just chose 'Fuk That'. I'll do my own life, Thank You.

[JohnEaceHunt]

Recovery, there is no cure. You, me, and the Many others have to take it one day at a time. The more you dwell on it, the more it will effect you, and the ones you love around you. Find someone you can talk about it with. If you turn to drugs, it will make it worse. Too bad it didn't happen in combat, as the many Korean,(yes Korean), Vietnam, and now Iraq, and Afghan. vets are able to get a comp for it. The WW2 Men and Women came back, and went to school, and tried to live their lives the best they could. Many made it, but there were many that didn't. The va is a closed door on this crash, however the 10% rateing for it, I believe is bout all they will do for you. Their opinion is, why didn't it affect the many hundreds of other people there? The vets that have a comp for it, some WW2 thats left, and had documentation for them, Korean, and the Vietnam Vets, many had to fight the va for way over 20 plus years, and they had documentation galore. I hope you will strive to put it out of your mind, and try to go on about your life. The more you dwell on it, and hash it over, and over again, the more it will destroy you. The last C&P I had well over 19 plus years ago, after 20years of one thing after another, I ask the Dr., if I would ever get over it, and he said,'NO, you will have to make the best of it, and try to live as best you can'. Never will forget that. Its been almost 20 years since that day, and I'm still doing the best I can. I became Marine on 2 July '66, and had a number of things happen well before I arrived in Vietnam on 31 Jan.,'68. Then 20 months of one thing after another, documented. When you think of that day, get something else in your mind, and fast. Hope I haven't busted your bubble, but without combat, or other documentation, thats about all they will be doing. Try to Buck-up, and be positive. If you get married, and she doesn't understand, and help you, it won't last long at all. Semper Fi.

[Parker-0321]

Suck it up, Quit dwellin, Get on,,,,,,, Why didn't PTSD exist for WW!, WW2, Korea? "Cause it wasn't what they chose. They just chose to fight on, have a life, raise kids.
I know alot of my Bros will want to hang me,,,,,, but we don't have to choose a friggin crutch. Everyones different, I was locked up in the VA for 3 months. Till I just chose 'Fuk That'. I'll do my own life, Thank You.

PTSD DID exist back then, only known by different names such as shell shock, war neurosis, or combat stress. In fact, warriors have been charged and even killed over PTSD (http://bullyonline.org/stress/ww1.htm) for things like cowardice, desertion, or insubordination.

PTSD is not necessarily brought on by the images and experience of battle but by things that are traumatic to the person experiencing the event. I know fire fighters that deal with it back at home.

Welcome aboard fellow Recovery Marine.