View Full Version : I need some advice for my son...
RockingRobin69
08-14-09, 03:19 PM
My son is between a rock & a hard place. I'll do my best to abbreviate the story as much as possible. He's a young marine. Finished boot & also AIT & was sent to Ft Leonardwood for MOS training. Was sent home on convalesence leave as he broke his foot. He has a daughter from a previous girlfriend, who one night while he was home, went out & broke many laws & was thrown into jail. Because there was children involved, Colorado Social Services stepped in, removed his daughter from the home & the court awarded him temporary custody. I'll also add, that at this time, they plan on recommending to the court that my son is awarded permanent custody. He is back at Leonardwood, foot is healed. Living in a motel with his daughter. Social worker has flown out & performed a well being check on my grand daughter & has even met with the 1stSgt. as he had some doubts about the validity to my son's situation. It seems that no one down there can make a decision as to what to do with him. According to them, he cannot go to MOS training because that requires him living in the barracks. Obviously, that will not work. They suggested OJT training but that was shot down by someone higher up. Everyone he talks to, quotes "no single marines w/children in the corps". For the time being, he goes to the units's office every morning & basically does nothing. They won't even allow him to go on work details & be with fellow Marines. Supposedly, a packet has been sent to HQ Marine Corps for someone to make a decision at that level as they will not or don't know what to do down there. They have figured out a way for him to draw BAQ to help with the motel & his daughter goes to daycare that a Sgt. referred him to go see. Is there anyone that has has been involved in this type of situation or anyone in a command position that can suggest what he should do? He loves the corps but his daughter must come first. Thank you for your time.
Robin... :flag:
irizavrima
08-14-09, 03:34 PM
What is your desired endstate? Something sounds extremely wrong here, I believe he should be receiving basically allowance for housing because of his dependent situation. This 1st Sergeant sounds like a real joke...I could not imagine a command that would allow this to go on. This is definately a request mast issue. If this daughter is legally a dependent, then he is entitled to $$ to support his daughter.
kentmitchell
08-14-09, 03:46 PM
If request mast doesn't work, he might have to see the IG. Won't make any points in his unit, but it looks like his unit has written him off . . . Semper FU
It's time for him to take care of himself since the Corps won't. I hate it when I see stuff like this.
irizavrima
08-14-09, 03:50 PM
Tell him to request mast with the CO before an inspector general. People start to do their jobs when paperwork gets involved. I am pretty sure living in the barracks isn't as important as your grandaughter.
RockingRobin69
08-14-09, 04:00 PM
It's not my endstate that is of concern. I believe that my son would like to continue being in the corps with his daughter but they are telling him that it is not allowed. The child needs to be...
Drafter
08-14-09, 05:25 PM
Yeah the situation sucks, but here you have the ramifications of making poor choices. Now he has to make some more important choices. He needs to fulfill his obligations as a parent and to the USMC....
irizavrima
08-14-09, 05:50 PM
I had to really sit here and think about this one. It is quite possible that he would be eligible for a hardship discharge, but that's not a good idea. The Marine Corps IS reponsible for supporting...
Rocky C
08-14-09, 06:03 PM
Contact your Congressman Robin. He also sits on the Veterans Affairs Committee.
Worth the shot.
Here is the link to contact him.
Good Luck.
Rocky
http://markudall.senate.gov/
Drafter
08-14-09, 06:10 PM
But it is not responsible for the care of said child, the parent is responsible for that! In no way shape or form is the United States Military responsible for the care of Dependants. What if he gets...
or, here's a better idea.... you be the childs legal guardian and your son go train.... then after getting to his ACTUAL unit he can do what he needs to do.
the problem is that he's still in training status... the 1stSgt can't do much as his hands are tied.
so... find out about making that happen and leave the congressman out of it until it's absolutely necessary.
the Marine in question is still in training status.... there are rules in place for a reason. <br />
<br />
if he was married he wouldn't have his kid or wife there.... 'cause he's there to train. <br />
<br />
stop...
RockingRobin69
08-14-09, 06:25 PM
Drafter,
I understand your judgement, but that is not what I was asking for. I was hoping to find a high ranking NCO or Officer who has been exposed to this type of situation in the past & can offer some guidance how my son can remain in the corps & have his daughter as well.
He has not been in the F.M.F. He is still considered in training & no one at the battalion school level seems to know what to do. Can't train him because there is the barracks requirement. Can't let him live off base for school with his daughter because that breaks MC regs. but we can let him live off base while we try to figure it out? I can see the answer, but maybe others do not. Thanks for your time & interest.
Robin...
irizavrima
08-14-09, 06:35 PM
I am more curious as to what his intentions are after school. How is he supposed to take care of his daughter and have a full time career? What happens in school is one thing, however this is going to be a disaster when he hits the fleet.
nooo... I know plenty of Marines who are single parents.
lots of double Marine families deal with one or both deploying... it's not impossible.
the command will make things flexible for him.
irizavrima
08-14-09, 06:48 PM
My Gunny who was our chief at the time deployed with our unit as a single parent. His daughter was having some issues so he spent about a whole month in country before he was shipped back.
Drafter
08-14-09, 06:56 PM
Drafter,
I understand your judgement, but that is not what I was asking for. Robin...
Robin,
I mean no disrespect.
I understand what you are asking; you are asking Officers and Staff NCO's in the USMC to solve your sons problem. The State of Colorado has deemed the living situation as not acceptable. There is nothing the USMC can do about that.
It's pretty obvious that someone needs to take care of the child while your son completes school. If you're not willing to, then he needs to find someone that Colorado will accept. The mother's parents possibly? The State of Colorado will take his daughter from him if he does not fulfill his obligations in their eyes. That should be your biggest worry; not whether he can remain a US Marine, but whether his daughter doesn't end up in foster care and a ward of the state.
StoneTheWeak
08-14-09, 07:11 PM
This all sounds like a load of bull**** to me. He doesn't need to be in the barracks, its not a marine corps policy, it sounds like a command policy, and one they just are adamant about keeping. I know because when I was in Pensacola they allowed Marines to bring their spouses and children need be. He needs to request mast. It isn't the Marine Corps responsibility to take care of the child, its the Marine Corps responsibility to help him how they can, financially, and not tell him to **** off. I hate **** like this.
There's no way in hell that he shouldn't be allowed to stay off base and have his daughter at day care while he's training. It sounds ludicrous to me. They'll make him spend the same amount of time in the office as he would training, but not allow him to train. It's completely asinine. Tell him to request mast, now, and get this handled with. If the training command doesn't like it, **** them. Nothing they can do about it, and they won't be the command he has to deal with when hes done.
And thanks for the tip about the pain in the ass command, my fiancee is going to Leonardwood in November.
Drafter
08-14-09, 07:18 PM
This all sounds like a load of bull**** ............... **** them. Nothing they can do about it, and they won't be the command he has to deal with when hes done.
And thanks for the tip about the pain in the ass command, my fiancee is going to Leonardwood in November.
You don't know anything about daycare, or the care of a child, schools, doctor visits, any of that do you? You haven't got a clue.
This all sounds like a load of bull**** to me.
gesus... you serious? a PFC sea lawyer...
I'm glad you don't represent me.
stay out of this.
RockingRobin69
08-14-09, 07:31 PM
Drfter,
Your still missing my point. I'm not asking for anything from the corps other than to make a decision. I asked for advice from anyone who has been exposed to this in the past.
I agree with you that some family member should step in & take care of the child. On the mother's side that night. They all were involved. Everyone went to jail or detox or child custody. That was enough to remove them from the list of potential custodial guardians. Me. I have been divorced from my wife for many of years & was granted custody of my children. Mother lives out of state. I work nights & attend college during the day so I was not in the running either as a choice. Social services has deemed my son as the only person that they will support as a custodial parent. Its that or foster care. For lack of a better explanation, my son has a state entity telling him what he must do for his daughter or lose her through the system of social services. On the other side, he has the Corps which he dearly loves, telling him, she must go. Its a no win situation for the moment.
Robin...
StoneTheWeak
08-14-09, 07:35 PM
You don't know anything about daycare, or the care of a child, schools, doctor visits, any of that do you? You haven't got a clue.
Doesn't change the fact that whether he is training or sitting in an office, it takes up the same amount of time. So he could be training, but instead they just make him sit on his ass and tell him tough ****. Sounds like the command doesn't give a **** what happens to him. Like I said, Pensacola let Marines in training brown bag it and it worked, don't see why these guys are so hard up about it. But I don't see how my knowledge of how to raise a child has anything to do with it. His parenting skills aren't the issue in question, its the command not trying to help him at all.
Artemis
08-14-09, 07:39 PM
RockingRobin I can understand what you are trying to get at. Unfortunately it seems that if he can not get this situation resolved through request mast or through filing an IG complaint that his options are very limited. He will either have to chose to continue to be in the Marine Corps and give up his daughter or he will have to give up the Marine Corps to be with his daughter. It is not a pretty situation but most likely that is what it will come to considering the Marine Corps rules for single parents.
If it gets down to it, I think the choice is tough, but easy (at least it would be for me, but I raised 2 of mine, and 1 of hers, alone, I wouldn't let her). It comes down to duty. Not, "what I want," duty.
StoneTheWeak
08-14-09, 09:06 PM
Family was there first, and they will be there after, always the first choice.
Drafter
08-14-09, 09:21 PM
I'm sincerely sorry to hear that no one is able to care for your grand daughter.
The advice was there, I didn't miss your point, I guess if I had Captain Bars instead of 18 years as a parent you would listen.
Unless your son wants to lose custody he needs to change the living situation. Colorado is not going to wait. Meaning their resolution is imminent.
Marine84
08-14-09, 10:31 PM
RR - nobody is trying to slam your son. I would think there would be no choice in this - he needs to go talk to the Chaplain. The Chaplain will be the better road for him to take (Chaplains are Officers). IF your son has been doing pretty good in his training he's had thus far and hasn't been showing his a$$ cause it's his first time away from Mommy, the Chaplain will be better able to help him get out on a hardship. It doesn't really matter that your son wants to stay in the Corps - period. He has an obligation to his child at this point. He can always go back and try again later if custody of the child should change.
As far as the WM question. Last I knew of - if a single Mom tries to get in the Corps, she has to give custody to somebody else because there are going to be a lot of times when that WM has to go somewhere that she can't take that child - for instance, Iraq. Can't you see that now? A single Mom on the plane with her child and they're getting ready to drop BOTH of them into enemy territory. Of course, that sounds stupid as hell! It's the same thing for your son. There will be times he won't be able to take that child with him. If he cannot train, he cannot be a Marine. He's worthless to the mission. Nothing personal and sounds kind of harsh I know but, it is what it is.
Good luck - I hope you both can find a way for him to do it.
AAV Crewchief
08-14-09, 10:37 PM
That's a BS answer. This isn't the Corps of the 1950s and you should have a bit more compassion for the young devil dog. What about the old saying, "we take care of our own"? If he wants to be a...
egbutler1
08-14-09, 10:48 PM
That's a BS answer. This isn't the Corps of the 1950s and you should have a bit more compassion for the young devil dog. What about the old saying, "we take care of our own"? If he wants to be a Marine, let him take the chance. He earned the title, we owe him some support.
OOHRAH Brother!
marine95
08-14-09, 11:04 PM
Drfter,
Your still missing my point. I'm not asking for anything from the corps other than to make a decision. I asked for advice from anyone who has been exposed to this in the past.
I agree with you that some family member should step in & take care of the child. On the mother's side that night. They all were involved. Everyone went to jail or detox or child custody. That was enough to remove them from the list of potential custodial guardians. Me. I have been divorced from my wife for many of years & was granted custody of my children. Mother lives out of state. I work nights & attend college during the day so I was not in the running either as a choice. Social services has deemed my son as the only person that they will support as a custodial parent. Its that or foster care. For lack of a better explanation, my son has a state entity telling him what he must do for his daughter or lose her through the system of social services. On the other side, he has the Corps which he dearly loves, telling him, she must go. Its a no win situation for the moment.
Robin...
Robin,
As a recruiter I have seen this and as a SNCO I have seen this. While he is training, who watches the child right now? That child needs to be cared for until he is done with his MOS school (grand parents). Once he gets to his first duty station, he wil sit down with his SNCOIC and they will have to do a family deployment plan on who is going to take care of the child when he goes. But until he deploys he will be a single father. They will help him get on base housing and they have child care on base. He is going to grow up real quick. But he can make it work. Best of luck. Keep us informed.
Drafter
08-14-09, 11:35 PM
That's a BS answer. This isn't the Corps of the 1950s and you should have a bit more compassion for the young devil dog. What about the old saying, "we take care of our own"? If he wants to be a Marine, let him take the chance. He earned the title, we owe him some support.
Nobody's being harsh on the guy except life. It's the truth, why sugar coat it. I'd rather be honest to the guy than blow smoke up his ass.
I wish I could say yeah, Maybe the State will probably give him few months living in a hotel. In the mean time, he should request mast. Maybe the Sgt.Maj. of the Schools Battalion will talk to the CO and put a call into CMC's office. Then possibly the CMC will understand and change the rules that have been established for years if not decades. This in turn will set a precedent and change military regulations as we know them.
Then after that, the USMC will give him on base housing, down the street from a daycare center that is open all hours of the night and day. This will then satisfy the department of family and social services of the State of Colorado because that is the only thing they are worried about. Then he will be able to finish training and move onto his duty station.
That is not support, that is bs.
Doesn't change the fact that whether he is training or sitting in an office, it takes up the same amount of time. So he could be training, but instead they just make him sit on his ass and tell him tough ****. Sounds like the command doesn't give a **** what happens to him. Like I said, Pensacola let Marines in training brown bag it and it worked, don't see why these guys are so hard up about it. But I don't see how my knowledge of how to raise a child has anything to do with it. His parenting skills aren't the issue in question, its the command not trying to help him at all.
do you know what MOS school he's going to? it's not aviation mech or any other year long course... it's 3 months realistically... and the command can get him into the next class instead of having him sit around like most... but they are not authorized to give him BAH or allow him to stay out in town in a "transitional" stage.
YOU ARE A PFC who obviously has no clue as to how the whole Corps works... calling something BS when it's out of your scope of understand is foolish, I can't begin to tell you what others probably think about you by the comments you share without thought.
think twice and answer once.
Nobody's being harsh on the guy except life. It's the truth, why sugar coat it. I'd rather be honest to the guy than blow smoke up his ass.
I wish I could say yeah, Maybe the State will probably give him few months living in a hotel. In the mean time, he should request mast. Maybe the Sgt.Maj. of the Schools Battalion will talk to the CO and put a call into CMC's office. Then possibly the CMC will understand and change the rules that have been established for years if not decades. This in turn will set a precedent and change military regulations as we know them.
Then after that, the USMC will give him on base housing, down the street from a daycare center that is open all hours of the night and day. This will then satisfy the department of family and social services of the State of Colorado because that is the only thing they are worried about. Then he will be able to finish training and move onto his duty station.
That is not support, that is bs.
I don't think the kid did anything wrong in this situation... it was the babies mother who did it. I feel for the Marine and child but it would be in the best interest of the child if he stayed in the Corps... the OP works nights so that doesn't really work out... the mothers parents may be just as jacked up as the mother... and would give the mother easy access to the child, something social services is working on preventing.
he's in a tough situation... but taking a hardship sep is not the solution.
Drafter
08-15-09, 12:07 AM
* shakes his head.......I'm sure the Corps will work it out for him.
Good Luck Rockin'Robin, good luck Devil Dog. I mean that sincerely.
Peace out.