thedrifter
08-13-09, 07:13 AM
Mother of fallen marine: Military's rule on disposition of personal effects a slap in the face
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August 11, 2009 6:05 PM
Keren Rivas
GIBSONVILLE — Coping with the death of her son has been extremely hard for Elaine Farren.
Not being able to recover the letters she wrote him while he was serving his country overseas has not helped the healing process either.
Farren’s son, 20-year-old U.S. Marine Corps Lance Cpl. Roger Hager, died July 8 in Afghanistan when the Humvee he was riding in was hit by an improvised explosive device. This was his first tour of duty.
Before being deployed from Camp Lejeune, Hager designated Farren as his beneficiary. Farren, who raised Hager by herself, thought that included his personal belongings as well. After all, she received his remains and life insurance benefits after he died.
But as it turns out, the military has a different standard when determining who receives the personal effects of a fallen service member.
According to a U.S. Department of Defense order that applies to all branches of the military, when a deceased military member doesn’t have a spouse or children, the elder parent receives the personal effects in absence of a legal representative for the member’s estate.
Hager had listed both his parents’ names in an emergency contact form. And though his father, Steve Graves, of Tennessee, had very little contact with him, because he is the older of the two he — not Farren — will receive Hager’s belongings.
“I’ve received all kinds of stuff but not his personal effects,” Farren said. “That’s what’s most important to me.”
Capt. Paul Greenberg, media officer with the U.S. Marine Force Reserves, said Monday administrators review the emergency data with each Marine before they are deployed. Though that should include the explanation of who would get the Marine’s effects in the event of death, Greenberg said he didn’t know if Hager was given that explanation.
Farren is convinced her son was not aware of the policy and is ready to fight it. She said Hager told her before he left that he had made sure she would be the one to get everything in case of his death.
Though after her initial outrage Farren was ready to let the issue go, she said she changed her mind when she was denied access to the letters she and her daughter, Faith Strang, had written Hager while he was deployed.
“To say, ‘you can’t have it,’ is a continuous slap in the face,” she said.
She said the current standard being used by the military is discriminatory because it is based on age, which more often than not benefits the father.
She said Graves is not listed in any legal documents, including Hager’s birth certificate, as the father. He only saw his son a couple of times throughout the years, she said, adding that the same is true for her oldest son, Jeremy Hager.
“Roger was my son,” she said fighting back the tears. “I am the only parent to both my boys.” She continued, “I’ve been the mom and the dad. They’ve always given me gifts on Father’s Day.”
In an earlier interview with the Times-News, Graves said that while he didn’t get to see Hager as much as he should have, the two had a good relationship. He and Farren were never married.
Farren said she plans to ask a court to grant her the legal power over her son’s estate. She also would like the Marines to change their policy “so that another mom doesn’t have to go through the same” ordeal she’s going through.
Greenberg said they are simply complying with the current standard, adding that, to his knowledge, this is the first time the standard’s been challenged.
“Our hearts go out to the families of Lance Cpl. Hager,” he said. “Every time we lose a Marine in combat is a tragedy.”
He added that some of Hager’s belongings have already been delivered to Graves via FedEx while other items were in the process of being sent out.
Hager’s effects are not much. Some video games, a laptop and a cell phone account for most of his valuables. But then, there are the things that have an intangible value such as the letters and the gifts he bought for Farren and Strang that he was never able to give them.
“I know everybody says things like ‘things are replaceable,’” Farren said. But, she added, “You can’t replace my son. You can’t replace his stuff.”
She added, “I’d give all the money back just to get my son’s stuff back. Those things meant a lot to Roger.”
Ellie
Comments 9 | Recommend 0
August 11, 2009 6:05 PM
Keren Rivas
GIBSONVILLE — Coping with the death of her son has been extremely hard for Elaine Farren.
Not being able to recover the letters she wrote him while he was serving his country overseas has not helped the healing process either.
Farren’s son, 20-year-old U.S. Marine Corps Lance Cpl. Roger Hager, died July 8 in Afghanistan when the Humvee he was riding in was hit by an improvised explosive device. This was his first tour of duty.
Before being deployed from Camp Lejeune, Hager designated Farren as his beneficiary. Farren, who raised Hager by herself, thought that included his personal belongings as well. After all, she received his remains and life insurance benefits after he died.
But as it turns out, the military has a different standard when determining who receives the personal effects of a fallen service member.
According to a U.S. Department of Defense order that applies to all branches of the military, when a deceased military member doesn’t have a spouse or children, the elder parent receives the personal effects in absence of a legal representative for the member’s estate.
Hager had listed both his parents’ names in an emergency contact form. And though his father, Steve Graves, of Tennessee, had very little contact with him, because he is the older of the two he — not Farren — will receive Hager’s belongings.
“I’ve received all kinds of stuff but not his personal effects,” Farren said. “That’s what’s most important to me.”
Capt. Paul Greenberg, media officer with the U.S. Marine Force Reserves, said Monday administrators review the emergency data with each Marine before they are deployed. Though that should include the explanation of who would get the Marine’s effects in the event of death, Greenberg said he didn’t know if Hager was given that explanation.
Farren is convinced her son was not aware of the policy and is ready to fight it. She said Hager told her before he left that he had made sure she would be the one to get everything in case of his death.
Though after her initial outrage Farren was ready to let the issue go, she said she changed her mind when she was denied access to the letters she and her daughter, Faith Strang, had written Hager while he was deployed.
“To say, ‘you can’t have it,’ is a continuous slap in the face,” she said.
She said the current standard being used by the military is discriminatory because it is based on age, which more often than not benefits the father.
She said Graves is not listed in any legal documents, including Hager’s birth certificate, as the father. He only saw his son a couple of times throughout the years, she said, adding that the same is true for her oldest son, Jeremy Hager.
“Roger was my son,” she said fighting back the tears. “I am the only parent to both my boys.” She continued, “I’ve been the mom and the dad. They’ve always given me gifts on Father’s Day.”
In an earlier interview with the Times-News, Graves said that while he didn’t get to see Hager as much as he should have, the two had a good relationship. He and Farren were never married.
Farren said she plans to ask a court to grant her the legal power over her son’s estate. She also would like the Marines to change their policy “so that another mom doesn’t have to go through the same” ordeal she’s going through.
Greenberg said they are simply complying with the current standard, adding that, to his knowledge, this is the first time the standard’s been challenged.
“Our hearts go out to the families of Lance Cpl. Hager,” he said. “Every time we lose a Marine in combat is a tragedy.”
He added that some of Hager’s belongings have already been delivered to Graves via FedEx while other items were in the process of being sent out.
Hager’s effects are not much. Some video games, a laptop and a cell phone account for most of his valuables. But then, there are the things that have an intangible value such as the letters and the gifts he bought for Farren and Strang that he was never able to give them.
“I know everybody says things like ‘things are replaceable,’” Farren said. But, she added, “You can’t replace my son. You can’t replace his stuff.”
She added, “I’d give all the money back just to get my son’s stuff back. Those things meant a lot to Roger.”
Ellie