Old Farts

[William Hardy]

How many of you Senior Marines does this apply to...?

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD. WELL, YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE.



MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DENTAL SCHOOL DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY, WITH THE SAME NAME, HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO. COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?



UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED FAIRVIEW HIGH SCHOOL.



'YES. YES, I DID. I'M A BULLDOG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.

'WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.

HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?'

'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.

THEN, THAT UGLY,

OLD,

BALD,

WRINKLED,

FAT ASS,

GRAY-HAIRED,

DECREPIT,

SON-OF-A-***** ASKED,

'WHAT DID YOU TEACH ???

[Big Jim]

HAHAHAHAHA....that got an honest chuckle outta me....!!! Good one, Gunny....!!

[Ed Palmer]

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[Marine84]

I actually bought my first "granny chain" for my glasses. I'm bad about taking them off every now and then and forgetting where I put them later.

I bought a few of them - they're really pretty beaded things.

[Osotogary]

I'm thinking of painting my wallet, keys, glasses, yes, and even teeth, neon orange so I won't have trouble finding them when I need them.
Talk about "Old Farts"...
When I was helping out with this last saturdays' Poolie function, I couldn't help but notice how fluid the Marines in attendance moved while "motivating the Poolies". My job was to mark, if the grenade that was tossed by each Poolie landed within specified area, and then pick up the thrown grenade and return it to the throwing spot. There were two lines of Poolies and two side-by-side coarses and two grenades to fetch and return. Needless to say, as hard as I tried, I wasn't as fluid as those Marines and the majority of the Poolies. Now, I don't think that I move that bad but the age difference certainly was evident. I don't know what happened to the bounce in my step. I honestly don't. I'd best be going now and try to find the television remote control. I swear it is around here somewhere. LOL.

[Old Marine]

When you wake up in the morning and can get out of the rack and take it one step at a time, you know it is going to be a good day.

[semperfi170]

Nice!

[William Hardy]

Old farts should read the obits every morning....as long as you don't find your name, it's a good day.

[ecfree]

Old farts should read the obits every morning....as long as you don't find your name, it's a good day.
and if you do find your name..:scared:...Oh WEll....:confused:

[NexProGen]

Very funny...

[salt]

Got any more of those? I need items for our weekly Bfast meeting with old salts

[William Hardy]

Don't forget the classic old fart joke you can pull on your friends

Next time your co-workers or other group is together, you hang you head and tell them the story of how you just went to the doctors (or to the VA). After intensive testing the doctor told you that you had this incurable disease that you will just have to live with...CRS. You will always have someone who will bite and ask you what CRS is....Can't Remember Sh!t.

[Osotogary]

CRS is....Can't Remember Sh!t.
I didn't have to go to the doctor to find that out. LOL
A great day is one bowel movement away.

[Ed Palmer]

Fashion tips for aging baby boomers
Many baby boomers, caught between wanting to stay young, and the reality of slipping into old age are confused about what is considered appropriate dress. So we at Bit of Fun would like to provide you with a few fashion tips.

Despite what you may have seen, the following combinations DO NOT go together!

1.A nose ring and bifocals
2.Spiked hair and bald spots
3.A pierced tongue and dentures
4.Mini skirts and support hose
5.Speedos and cellulite
6.Short shorts and varicose veins
7.A belly button ring and a big belly
8.Banana shorts and Depends
9.Halter-tops and a hanging bulge
10.Bikinis and liver spots, or bikinis and gray hair

[markthorpe]

chit now i have to ditch my halter top lol

[Ed Palmer]

More on OLD LADY OLD FARTS
Martha, do you Remember?
Two old ladies were rocking in their chairs on the nursing home porch. One says "Martha, do you remember the minuet?" Martha answers "Heck, I don't even remember the ones I slept with."

[Ed Palmer]

When you wake up in the morning and can get out of the rack and take it one step at a time, you know it is going to be a good day.

Jake, I'm Dead
Sadie wakes up and says to her husband, "Jake, I'm dead".

Jake responds. What's the matter with you, Sadie, you aren't dead. You're talking to me."

"No, Jake, I'm definitely dead". "Sadie, you are not dead. Why do you think you're dead" Sadie responds, "Because nothing hurts

[Ed Palmer]

Signs of Growing Old
Do you know the four signs of growing old?
1. Forgetting names,
2. Forgetting faces,
3. Forgetting to zip up,
4. Forgetting to zip down

[montana]

im in the forgetting to zip up stage...only one more to go

[ameriken]

im in the forgetting to zip up stage...only one more to go
Time to stock up......

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