thedrifter
06-21-09, 10:00 AM
June 21, 2009
Fathers absent too often in modern society
By Dwight Lewis
I was speaking to the West Meade/Bellevue AARP chapter's monthly meeting June 10 when one of the members raised his hand during a question-and-answer session:
"Dwight, I read your column the Sunday before Veterans Day and saw that your father served in the Marines during World War II. What influence did he have on your life?''
I rattled off a few things, such as I saw him go to work daily, he took me to church when I was a youngster, he urged me to speak to others and treat them kindly …
After the meeting was over that Wednesday, the AARP member, Bob Wright, came up to tell me that his father was also in the military during World War II and that he was working on a book about the influence WWII veterans had on their children.
Regardless of whether your father has served in the nation's military, I wonder what your response to that question would be on this Father's Day. And if you are a father, what influence do you think your child or children would say you have had on their life?
I must admit, the question Bob Wright put to me is one that sticks with you long after it has been asked. In fact, the question reminds me of one I was asked back in 1994 when I went to visit Nashville's Caldwell Early Childhood Learning Center in East Nashville. I've written about this previously, but it bears repeating.
The school's principal at the time, Myron Oglesby-Pitts, looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Mr. Lewis, where are the black fathers?''
Being the father of a 16-year-old son at the time, I was somewhat puzzled by the question, but then she asked again: "Where are the black fathers? Ninety percent of the 250 students here at Caldwell are black, and of that number, only six fathers have shown up this school year to see about their children. ... When my school door opens, I see moms come up, but hardly ever any fathers. Where are they?''
Doesn't it make you wonder what kind of influence those fathers had on their children?
I can't help but think about a phone conversation I had with a cousin last Wednesday. Samuel Vaughn Thomas Jr. had called me from Knoxville to thank me for sending him a picture that had been taken in 1992 in front of a one-room schoolhouse we attended in the early 1950s.
"The twins will be 16 on July 13,'' he said, referring to a boy and girl he and his wife, Rosa, adopted when they were toddlers.
The adoption was made despite the fact that Vaughn, who has two grown daughters and a grown son, had developed muscular dystrophy, which limits his mobility. Vaughn is still helping to provide a good home for the two youngsters and to see to it that they get a good education and are productive in life.
That's the type of father that makes you proud when you look at statistics, such as those from the National Fatherhood Initiative Father Facts, that say:
• Children with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit empathy and pro-social behavior, and avoid high-risk behaviors such as drug use, truancy and criminal activity.
• Studies on parent-child relationships and child well-being show that father love is an important factor in predicting the social, emotional and cognitive development and functioning of children and young adults.
• 24 million children (34 percent) live absent their biological father.
• Nearly 20 million children (27 percent) live in single-parent homes.
• About 40 percent of children in father-absent homes have not seen their father at all during the past year; 26 percent of absent fathers live in a different state than their children, and 50 percent of children living absent their father have never set foot in their father's home.
How sad. But to those fathers and father figures who have been, and are trying to be a positive influence on their children, let me wish you a happy Father's Day. And if you are a father who may need to do more to be that positive influence, let me say happy Father's Day to you, as well, but let's see if we can't put a little more into being a real father. Everybody will appreciate it — especially your children.
Ellie
Fathers absent too often in modern society
By Dwight Lewis
I was speaking to the West Meade/Bellevue AARP chapter's monthly meeting June 10 when one of the members raised his hand during a question-and-answer session:
"Dwight, I read your column the Sunday before Veterans Day and saw that your father served in the Marines during World War II. What influence did he have on your life?''
I rattled off a few things, such as I saw him go to work daily, he took me to church when I was a youngster, he urged me to speak to others and treat them kindly …
After the meeting was over that Wednesday, the AARP member, Bob Wright, came up to tell me that his father was also in the military during World War II and that he was working on a book about the influence WWII veterans had on their children.
Regardless of whether your father has served in the nation's military, I wonder what your response to that question would be on this Father's Day. And if you are a father, what influence do you think your child or children would say you have had on their life?
I must admit, the question Bob Wright put to me is one that sticks with you long after it has been asked. In fact, the question reminds me of one I was asked back in 1994 when I went to visit Nashville's Caldwell Early Childhood Learning Center in East Nashville. I've written about this previously, but it bears repeating.
The school's principal at the time, Myron Oglesby-Pitts, looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Mr. Lewis, where are the black fathers?''
Being the father of a 16-year-old son at the time, I was somewhat puzzled by the question, but then she asked again: "Where are the black fathers? Ninety percent of the 250 students here at Caldwell are black, and of that number, only six fathers have shown up this school year to see about their children. ... When my school door opens, I see moms come up, but hardly ever any fathers. Where are they?''
Doesn't it make you wonder what kind of influence those fathers had on their children?
I can't help but think about a phone conversation I had with a cousin last Wednesday. Samuel Vaughn Thomas Jr. had called me from Knoxville to thank me for sending him a picture that had been taken in 1992 in front of a one-room schoolhouse we attended in the early 1950s.
"The twins will be 16 on July 13,'' he said, referring to a boy and girl he and his wife, Rosa, adopted when they were toddlers.
The adoption was made despite the fact that Vaughn, who has two grown daughters and a grown son, had developed muscular dystrophy, which limits his mobility. Vaughn is still helping to provide a good home for the two youngsters and to see to it that they get a good education and are productive in life.
That's the type of father that makes you proud when you look at statistics, such as those from the National Fatherhood Initiative Father Facts, that say:
• Children with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit empathy and pro-social behavior, and avoid high-risk behaviors such as drug use, truancy and criminal activity.
• Studies on parent-child relationships and child well-being show that father love is an important factor in predicting the social, emotional and cognitive development and functioning of children and young adults.
• 24 million children (34 percent) live absent their biological father.
• Nearly 20 million children (27 percent) live in single-parent homes.
• About 40 percent of children in father-absent homes have not seen their father at all during the past year; 26 percent of absent fathers live in a different state than their children, and 50 percent of children living absent their father have never set foot in their father's home.
How sad. But to those fathers and father figures who have been, and are trying to be a positive influence on their children, let me wish you a happy Father's Day. And if you are a father who may need to do more to be that positive influence, let me say happy Father's Day to you, as well, but let's see if we can't put a little more into being a real father. Everybody will appreciate it — especially your children.
Ellie