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reallybigshoe
05-25-09, 08:44 PM
Today I told my girlfriend that I will be doing everything I can do to get into the Marine Corps. There are a couple hold ups that I am going to have to get past, but if the Corps will take me it means her and I will not be together. She is in Navy Intel (San Antonio), and I will not be able to get a clearance because of a DWI. This means that for the duration of our careers we have almost no chance of being stationed close to each other.

We've fallen in love over the past few months but as I told her I will never be satisfied with my effort until I either earn the title or get turned away. My PT will be there in a couple months. I intend to DEP soon. This is a hard day for me, but the Corps is #1.

JWG
05-25-09, 08:50 PM
Gotten closer over the past few months? How about 233 years of men and woman fighting side by side, many laying down their life to defend their brother next to them in the battlefield.

Which holds more importance and significance to YOU. Answer it HONESTLY. Follow your heart, the Corps isn't for everybody. It definitely takes 100% pride and dedication. The girl doesn't support your decision. Does her opinion and her "love" come before your love of the Corps?

Get your head straight on a decision and quit sounding so upset over this. If this is what you truly want, you need to have an accomplished and steadfast motivated tone to you. Definitely sensed the opposite in your post.

STAY MOTIVATED, and make the right decision for YOU. "The Few, The Proud." Not for everyone.

DGardner
05-25-09, 09:11 PM
Go get it man, if you want it, it's yours.

On another note:


Does her opinion and her "love" come before your love of the Corps?

Where did that come from? I saw nothing from that post that indicated that she didn't support him.

reallybigshoe
05-25-09, 09:20 PM
She supports me enough to say goodbye, because she knows I will never be fulfilled without the Corps. Sorry if I sound emotional, but this is one of the harder things for me to handle before I can enlist. I run like I am possessed, and I have dropped 65 pounds to date, but this is the first fat I am having to trim that would otherwise be good for me. Do not let my saddened tone be mistaken for second thoughts. If the Corps will have me, I will be a Marine.

If anything, she gets a lot of credit for telling me that she will not come between me and the Corps even if it means never seeing me again.

Isrowei
05-25-09, 09:24 PM
JWG, you need to calm down a bit. There are other perfectly valid priorities in life besides the Marine Corps. You're 17.. he's 24. Believe it or not, there is a world of difference in those 7 years. I would say your advice is more applicable to someone in your stage of life (high school relationship) vice his (mid-20s relationships).

Bigshoe, life is about choices and this is one you'll have to balance your priorities against each other. There is nothing saying you can't find a job near her that doesn't require a security clearance. There also isn't an written rule saying you couldn't get a security clearance. You never know till you try. However, the one fact you can't ignore is that unless you are married, the military cares nothing about your relationship and will station you with no regard for her. If you want her to count in your military career, you will have to get hitched. The question becomes if you (and she) are ready for that.

The military tries to accomodate married couples whenever it can. There's actually a surprising number of places you could be co-stationed. Talk to your recruiter and discuss the possibilities.

There is no rule saying it's the Marine Corps or your girlfriend. If you're serious about both, you can ... and should... make it work.

reallybigshoe
05-25-09, 09:30 PM
Thank you, Marine.

What about first cycle? Everything I keep reading is to not be in a relationship first 6 years. Staying together would be preferable, of course. I will talk to a recruiter about how it would affect us.

How should I approach a recruiter with this without making him or her think I am anything but dedicated? I do not want to sound like I have a laundry list in our first meeting. The DWI garbage is going to be bad enough.

Isrowei
05-25-09, 09:30 PM
... this is the first fat I am having to trim that would otherwise be good for me.

Describing her as "fat to be trimmed" doesn't sound like you care a whole lot.. I don't care what qualifier you place on it.

You can live your life without the Marine Corps and be fulfilled. If you think the Corps is going to fill some gaping hole in your life, you probably want to think again. The Marine Corps is a worthwhile endeavor. So also is the love and support of those who care about you.

You don't find many women who will unconditionally support you. I suggest you don't toss it away so cheaply. Find the way to make it work. Plenty have. If you give up on her so easily, trust me when I say harder issues are down the road.

You've said you're willing to make a commitment to the Corps. Are you willing to make a commitment to her?

Isrowei
05-25-09, 09:40 PM
Thank you, Marine.

What about first cycle? Everything I keep reading is to not be in a relationship first 6 years. Staying together would be preferable, of course. I will talk to a recruiter about how it would affect us.

How should I approach a recruiter with this without making him or her think I am anything but dedicated? I do not want to sound like I have a laundry list in our first meeting. The DWI garbage is going to be bad enough.

For some in JWG's shoes (17.. ) then yes... stay out of a relationship for your first few years.

You should be older and more mature. People will expect it. You're not a kid.

You should expect some seperation for the first 6 months to a year as you go through Boot Camp and MOS school. If you want flexibility, pick an MOS that allows you to be stationed anywhere.

And go ahead and walk in with a list of questions. There's nothing wrong with that. Tell the recruiter you want to be a Marine, but you have questions as well. Any recruiter worth his salt will take the time to answer you.

And you will have many meetings with your recruiter... take your time with it. Go meet him on the first day, tell him the big issues (DWI, job pick for flexibility) and then take the iniative to stay in touch. Go to poolee meetings and keep your PT up. The recruiter will be more interested to invest time in YOU... when he sees that you are willing to invest time into the Marine Corps.

Take your girlfriend with you one day and sit down and talk about the issues with the recruiter with her present. He won't trash her to your face and she can help you work through the information you're given. Involve her in the process of your enlistment and you will show her that SHE is a priority to you.. as well as the Marine Corps.

Take the time to do things the right way. Don't burn bridges that you don't have to. Act like the caring, thinking adult you should be. The recruiter will appreciate the maturity and iniative. You girlfriend will appreciate the fact that you took her needs and feelings into account as you worked toward your dream.

Kilo1CC
05-25-09, 09:40 PM
lol...

JWG quit the fruity blue and stick to the original font color, and shut your pie hole about our Corps.

RBS, go have a beer or several of them and hang with your friends and then go take a cold shower and see what you've cooked up in all of that.

If you catch my drift..

Then you can private message me for more Q/A's, cause I was in your fubar sit.

Good luck..

reallybigshoe
05-25-09, 09:41 PM
I am already excited that I could make it work. I apologize for my reference and feel that I must explain my stance as having come from what I have read on this forum over and over - that a relationship will suffer greatly through first cycle, and that recruits should not expect to go in and keep their girlfriends.

Thank you for your optimism. From your profile picture I can tell that you would certainly know about making relationships work in the Corps. If any woman could understand and support this choice, it would be her. She is a Petty Officer 1st class and a single mother. I love her and her son. Thank you for pointing me in the right direction.

reallybigshoe
05-25-09, 09:49 PM
Basically what she is saying is that the only people at this duty station (San Antonio Lackland AFB) is only for the Intel community, and that her Spanish linguist job is only available here or Maryland (NSA).

I know that enlightenment on this is a little to much to ask for, but have any of you Marines worked in either location who could shed a little light or further optimism?

That is, keeping in mind that I will not be able to have a clearance to get me into these places for at least a few years. DWI kills that at least for a while.

Isrowei
05-25-09, 10:03 PM
Bah, stupid computer erased what I was going to say.

Take your questions and go see a recruiter. And don't speculate on security clearances. Your girl might be a linguist, but she isn't a security manager.

And with that, I'm done for tonight.

reallybigshoe
05-25-09, 10:07 PM
Thank you, Marine. What I meant to imply is that her job and my no-clearance job will not have a common duty station. I will definitely take these questions to a recruiter right away. I appreciate your help in this matter.

Fubar5812
05-26-09, 04:21 AM
man I was stationed at lackland AFB,for K9 school.my buddies met a few navy ladies out at cowboys.

a relationship especially if your not married in the corps is extremely tough.Hell i am in Hawaii and my g/f is in florida,we've been together 4 years and it has it's ups and downs...it's all in communication and trust.she is Navy and has a much better understanding of military life than say a civilian girl out of highschool,so you got that going for you guys.

Fubar5812
05-26-09, 04:24 AM
Gotten closer over the past few months? How about 233 years of men and woman fighting side by side, many laying down their life to defend their brother next to them in the battlefield.

Which holds more importance and significance to YOU. Answer it HONESTLY. Follow your heart, the Corps isn't for everybody. It definitely takes 100% pride and dedication. The girl doesn't support your decision. Does her opinion and her "love" come before your love of the Corps?

Get your head straight on a decision and quit sounding so upset over this. If this is what you truly want, you need to have an accomplished and steadfast motivated tone to you. Definitely sensed the opposite in your post.

STAY MOTIVATED, and make the right decision for YOU. "The Few, The Proud." Not for everyone.

stop talking like you know how hard it is.your 17 and haven't even been to bootcamp yet! all that moto bull**** only goes so far when it comes to separation from a loved one for any good amount of time.it takes it's toll on everyone,even Marines.

JWG
05-26-09, 11:30 AM
Aye, Sir.

Reallybigshoe- My apologies for the response. Replied hastily and was only trying to help push you past the girl you have feelings for now and to do what you're dream is.. to become a Marine. As the Officer said, I'm used to talking to kids my age with "puppy love" relationships in high school. Your situation is different.

Good luck, bro. Hope things work out for you. I really do hope to see you post with the Title soon!

reallybigshoe
05-26-09, 11:32 AM
Thank you for all the helpful replies, Marines. My conclusion is that I will do what I can to make this relationship work but ultimately I will put the Corps first. I believe that our relationship could withstand distance.

My grandfather joined the Corps in 1942, got married, then shipped out to fight at places like Guadal Canal and Okinawa for the next four years. We celebrated their 50th anniversary about 8 years before grandmother passed, and grandfather followed a year later. I lived with him that last year and although his health problems (which included a broken back, cancers, and severe arthritis) I never heard more than a grunt out of him, and he insisted on walking the flag out with me every morning and bringing it in every night.

I appreciate the hope I am receiving for continuing a mature relationship, and the motivation I am getting from the officers and enlisted alike that are replying here to support and encourage making the right decisions. I am only beginning to understand the circumstances of your sacrifices, and I more thankful each time I understand a little more.

I've tasted a bit of your brotherhood in that although I have not yet joined yours, I am being accepted as a hopeful and enjoying the wisdom and insight available here. To have brothers who will stick with you to the end is one of my ultimate motivations in joining. Thank you.

ameriken
05-26-09, 11:37 AM
My conclusion is that I will do what I can to make this relationship work but ultimately I will put the Corps first. I believe that our relationship could withstand distance.

Just be sure she has the same commitment and belief.

reallybigshoe
05-26-09, 11:38 AM
Reallybigshoe- My apologies for the response.

No problem, JWG. Every time I see those initials I think it's me. My initials are JMG, so it throws me a bit. LOL. Believe me - I can see that your intentions are right. I'd say 99% of relationships at your age have no future. Seeing the advice as to relationships on this forum had led me to beleive mine had no future. I've been given the hope I need - and my girlfriend has too, as she had some preconceptions coming from a relationship she had with a guy whose in the Army. (Marines, I am DEFINATELY NOT saying the Corps is anything like the Army!)

I wish you all the best in your endeavor. Remember this: Walk softly, and carry a big stick.

KawiGunny
05-26-09, 11:47 AM
Walk softly, and carry a big stick.


I used to tell my Marines before going on patrol to "walk softly and make sure you have a round chambered".

reallybigshoe
05-26-09, 11:55 AM
Just be sure she has the same commitment and belief.

I know what you mean. I've dated both types of women in the past.

NoRemorse
05-26-09, 11:58 AM
This is getting too touchy feely. You and JWG should probably push. I'll join. Get one more and we'll do some tables. In some circles it's called the 4 person Marine Corps weave.

reallybigshoe
05-26-09, 12:01 PM
HAH Agreed. Let's let this thread drop off. Thanks for the help guys.

KawiGunny
05-26-09, 12:14 PM
Get one more and we'll do some tables. In some circles it's called the 4 person Marine Corps weave.


I saw that before. Oh wait, that was an adult movie. Sorry.:beer:

NoRemorse
05-26-09, 12:16 PM
I saw that before. Oh wait, that was an adult movie. Sorry.:beer:

Brings a whole new meaning to school circle...

Isrowei
05-26-09, 12:35 PM
Brings a whole new meaning to school circle...

Eww...!

Sit, kneel, bend anyone? :marine: