firstsgtmike
07-10-03, 12:08 AM
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there...I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible black crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!
What do you call male ballerinas?
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why is it that we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
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Bonus question.
A duck walks into a drugstore, and asks the cashier if he has any beer.
The man says "No, this is a Drugstore, we don't sell beer here"
The Duck leaves, and returns home.
The next day, he comes back to the store and asks the cashier again.
The man then replies, "I told you yesterday! We dont' sell beer here!
If you ask me one more time, I am going to nail your feet to the floor!"
The ducks leaves again.
One final time the duck enters the store the next day,and this time says, "Do you have any nails?"
The Man replies, "No"
The duck then says, "Do you have any beer?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there...I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible black crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!
What do you call male ballerinas?
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why is it that we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
------------------------------------
Bonus question.
A duck walks into a drugstore, and asks the cashier if he has any beer.
The man says "No, this is a Drugstore, we don't sell beer here"
The Duck leaves, and returns home.
The next day, he comes back to the store and asks the cashier again.
The man then replies, "I told you yesterday! We dont' sell beer here!
If you ask me one more time, I am going to nail your feet to the floor!"
The ducks leaves again.
One final time the duck enters the store the next day,and this time says, "Do you have any nails?"
The Man replies, "No"
The duck then says, "Do you have any beer?"