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thedrifter
03-09-09, 07:33 AM
March 9, 2009
Former Marine from Peekskill makes progress but PTSD still haunts him

Susan Elan
The Journal News

Since leaving the Marines in July 2007, 23-year-old David Tracy of Peekskill has accomplished a lot.

He married his Peekskill High School sweetheart, Becky, had a baby boy who is now 8 months old and expects in May to finish his studies at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice. He would like to work for the FBI, a career that would follow four years in the Marines, including two tours in Iraq as an infantry machine gunner.

Though no longer a "jarhead," Tracy still wears his hair very short by civilian standards and his boyish looks aren't all that different from his first photo in uniform.

But Tracy says he sometimes feels twice his age. He has hearing loss from the roadside bomb that nearly severed his right earlobe. His back, wrists, shoulders and knees ache. There are other wounds that he would prefer not to talk or think about but that he can't conceal - the nightmares that haunt him, the heightened vigilance that made sense in Iraq but is out of place at the mall.

"The Marine Corps makes you old fast," he said. "There's the stress of IED attacks, being away from home, and the physical beating on the body."

Tracy has been found to have post-traumatic stress disorder but has a continuing battle with the Department of Veterans Affairs over whether his condition is "service connected" and qualifies him for additional benefits.

"The VA wants letters from friends and my chain of command, but I didn't go in with PTSD," Tracy said as he flipped open his laptop and pulled up photos of his time in Iraq. "The infantry was the first in and the first to fight. We were the ones kicking in doors."

One photo shows a heap of metal and a single tire - smithereens left when a roadside bomb destroyed an armored Humvee with two of his friends inside.

"Quite a few of my acquaintances were severely injured, and one other friend was killed," he said. "I keep asking myself why it was my buddies and not me."

Tracy has filled his home with symbols of his service. Alongside the framed photo of him in uniform is a shadow box containing a folded flag and his many medals and ribbons. A large American flag hangs in the entryway and a framed rendering of the Statue of Liberty superimposed on the flag adorns another wall.

As Tracy spoke, Becky Tracy rocked their son, Sean, in her arms. The immaculate living room, painted and carpeted in a soft beige, is as orderly as a barracks with playthings carefully stowed in corners.

Before her husband came home, she had never heard of PTSD. Now she is studying up on it so she knows how to respond.

"He's jumpy and has a temper at times," she said. "He was never like that in high school. It's what he went through."

Tracy nods in agreement: "It takes a toll on relationship issues."

He's tried antidepressants but stopped because they made him feel groggy. He doesn't think much of psychotherapy.

"I'm not looking for sympathy or a shoulder to cry on," he said. "I'm a Marine. We suck it up and deal with it. I don't want to tell my whole story over and over."

And he's doing a lot better than some of his friends, Tracy said.

"They're drinking a lot and don't know where they're going in life," he said. "My family and school are what keep me going."

Ellie