View Full Version : Need Some Serious Advice
libohound
02-14-09, 08:33 PM
All, <br />
<br />
I am a former Marine grunt (1998-2002). I was discharged with an R1A re-enlistment code. My plan was to get out, go to college and return as an officer. A divorce derailed my college plans...
brian21johansen
02-14-09, 09:03 PM
Give me some strategies one might use to convince his or her significant other that the life of a Marine dependent is far better than a civilian dependent.
FREE MEDICAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO SALES TAX ON BASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's about all I can think of Corporal.....there's much more to it but those are the first two that come to mind.
libohound
02-14-09, 09:07 PM
FREE MEDICAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO SALES TAX ON BASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's about all I can think of Corporal.....there's much more to it but those are the first two that come to mind.
Tried it with zero positive results. I've played the free housing card too. She ain't bitin'. Gimme more...
MrsCodyMC
02-14-09, 10:42 PM
Have you tried the whole "sacrifice for our nation" bit? Or maybe tell her she will gain another family, of the Marine Corps variety? Just embellish! :)
NoRemorse
02-15-09, 01:17 AM
There's always, "I'm a Marine, and I'll be one until the day that I die. If I make this choice right now and you're not there to support me then I'll either be a Marine with my brothers or a Marine on the outside looking in. I don't know about right now but someday that seed of enmity may grow to complete resentment because I could have known right then if I would have been able to have gone back but I didn't because I made the hard choice right there. I can make promises now but only time will tell if I regret the decision to not go where my heart tells me to go."
I know, kinda sappy but that's what the wife said to me over the months that we finally decided I should get my ass to a recruiter and see what it would take to process a package. She didn't want me to resent her no matter how much I said I'd never resent her. She knows that spark burns in the back of my head and well within my heart and that som-b!tch burns green.
Good luck and Semper Fi.
marine3043
02-15-09, 03:51 AM
drop er
You have to follow your own path...do not let her decide it for you....Enlist if you can..and let her decide if she can deal or not...either of you trying to convince the other to see your way will only lead to resentment and bitterness..if she can't deal you need to know up front and move on....You can't live your life to make someone else happy, you have to live it for yourself..it's yours...maybe she will stay and maybe she won't..if she doesn't you will be free to find someone who will be a better fit for the life you choose to lead..and she will be free to do the same...
Good luck, it is a tough situation, just follow your heart.
libohound
02-15-09, 11:40 AM
Yeah, I've tried the patriotic route and the "If I don't do this, I'll always wonder 'what if'. I don't want to end up resenting you for standing in my way" bit ... which basically ended up with her telling me that she doesn't want me to resent her either, so she'll understand if I leave her, which is the crux of the problem -- I want my Corps AND I want the woman I love. (And to thicken the situation a bit more, she has two children that I have come to love as my own, so the idea of just bailing on the three of them to pursue my own wants is kinda out of the question.)
I'm not sure there really is a solution to this problem. I've laid out all the pros (complete with some generous embellishments). I've pleaded and bargained and promised and the fact of the matter remains that she is steadfast in her unwillingness to leave her family. Perhaps I'm doomed to always watch my brothers and sisters on the television and read their stories in the Times, but to never stand beside them again.
Thank you all for your service to our country. Please believe me when I say that beyond the garbage you have to deal with on a daily basis and the games you have to play, you are among the most fortunate men and women our country has to offer. Please do not take your contracts for granted. There are a lot of men and women out there that look upon your service with envious eyes and wish that they could stand beside you in formation. Take pride in what you do and take it from me ... the grass IS greener on the other side, but once you get there you find that its just burnt dead grass that has been artificially dyed green.
With great respect,
Cpl. A.
brovowisky
02-15-09, 04:24 PM
Your situation is rally close to mine. One thing i did is talk to her and ease her into the idea and i also put her in contact with USMCwives.com it the sister to this sight and it HELPED A TON they answered her questions and took care of things, now she is for it. (My girl says dont go to the other sights like ivillage they will give her a ton of crap cause your not married yet and your not on active duty yet. They really put her mind at ease and well just made it easier on me thank god. I know what you mean when you say you want it so bad you can taste it i am there as well. i hope this helps.
semperfiman
02-15-09, 06:15 PM
just go for it
hempstead56
02-15-09, 06:19 PM
Don't wry brother things will get better
randycartmill
02-15-09, 06:52 PM
Don't go in,Because if it did;nt come in a sea bag it does'nt belong. Sorry (Tough Love) but in the long run it will save u and her heart ack.
libohound
02-15-09, 07:57 PM
Looks like I'm making SOME progress ... sorta. As a last resort and in passing I threw out the idea of joining the Army versus my beloved Marine Corps with the logic -- Hey ... there are Army bases all over the country instead of just California, Virginia, and North Carolina. Maybe I can land a duty station at Fort Hood (Texas) or Fort Sill (Oklahoma). Then you'd still be close enough to drive home on the weekends. She didn't immediately trash the idea, which is a HUGE improvement.
Of course joining the Army is nowhere near what I truly want, but I'll still get to serve my country. I think this is probably as close as I'm going to get, friends. I feel like a total traitor, but it's better than being a civilian, right? Maybe if I can get her to agree to the Army, I can us it as a gateway into the Corps. "Thank you for agreeing to the Army, but what I REALLY want..."
Thank you all for your input on this. I sincerely appreciate it.
pnwhite
02-15-09, 08:45 PM
Libo - You keep saying that she doesn't want to get very far from her mother. I think that is the primary problem and it could be a detriment to your marriage whether you go in the Corps, the Army, or the next state to find a good job. It sounds as though if you want to marry this young lady, you are going to have to take her mother in the deal. I'd think it over seriously before committing to anything. I've only been married 38 years, but when we tied the knot, it was my wife and I, and she'd go with me to the end of the earth, knowing that I was the one taking care of her, not her mother. (or father for that matter)
libohound
02-15-09, 09:02 PM
Libo - You keep saying that she doesn't want to get very far from her mother. I think that is the primary problem and it could be a detriment to your marriage whether you go in the Corps, the Army, or the next state to find a good job. It sounds as though if you want to marry this young lady, you are going to have to take her mother in the deal. I'd think it over seriously before committing to anything. I've only been married 38 years, but when we tied the knot, it was my wife and I, and she'd go with me to the end of the earth, knowing that I was the one taking care of her, not her mother. (or father for that matter)
I'm with you 100% on that. It is something I think about often, but I always come back to the simple fact that I love her and her children more than the air I breathe. So if I need to take Mom & Dad along for the ride, then so be it. It's just a matter of finding that magic equilibrium that will make everyone happy. I've been dealing with this problem since I started dating her three years ago when I lived two hours away and made that drive to visit her a couple of times a week. I'm used to the sacrifice and I'm okay with it. I was just hoping that this time there would be some sort of switch someone out there might be privy to that would send her over to my end of the teeter-totter a little bit. I fear that there is no such switch. Bummer.
Seems like when you try to make everybody happy, nobody's happy. Guess you'll have to choose between her or The Corps.....
find my thread "how do I get back in....(redux)" and you'll have a few answers.