firstsgtmike
06-21-03, 02:08 PM
WHEN GOD CREATED FATHERS
By Erma Bombeck
When the good Lord was creating fathers, He started
with a tall frame.
And a female angel nearby said, "What kind of father is
that? If you're going to make children so close to the
ground, why have you put fathers up so high? He
won't be able to shoot marbles without kneeling, tuck
a child in bed without bending, or even kiss a child
without a lot of stooping."
And God smiled and said, "Yes, but if I make him child
size, who would children have to look up to?"
And when God made a father's hands, they were large
and sinewy.
And the angel shook her head sadly and said, "Do You
know what You're doing? Large hands are clumsy. They
can't manage diaper pins, small buttons, rubber bands
on pony tails or even remove splinters caused by
baseball bats."
God smiled and said, "I know, but they're large enough
to hold everything a small boy empties from his pockets at
the end of a day, yet small enough to cup a child's face."
Then God molded long, slim legs and broad shoulders.
The angel nearly had a heart attack. "Boy, this is
end of the week, all right," she clucked. "Do You realize
You just made a father without a lap? How is he going to
pull a child close to him without the kid falling between
his legs?"
God smiled and said, "A mother needs a lap. A father
needs strong shoulders to pull a sled, balance a boy on a
bicycle or hold a sleepy head on the way home from the circus."
God was in the middle of creating two of the largest
feet anyone had ever seen when the angel could contain
herself no longer. "That's not fair. Do You honestly think
those large boats are going to dig out of bed early in the
morning when the baby cries? Or walk through a small birthday
party without crushing at least three of the guests?"
And God smiled and said, "They'll work. You'll see.
They'll support a small child who wants to "ride a
horse to Banbury Cross" or scare off mice at the summer
cabin, or display shoes that will be a challenge to fill."
God worked throughout the night, giving the father few
words, but a firm authoritative voice; eyes that see
everything, but remain calm and tolerant.
Finally, almost as an afterthought, He added tears.
Then He turned to the angel and said, "Now are you satisfied
that he can love as much as a mother?"
And the angel shutteth up!
By Erma Bombeck
When the good Lord was creating fathers, He started
with a tall frame.
And a female angel nearby said, "What kind of father is
that? If you're going to make children so close to the
ground, why have you put fathers up so high? He
won't be able to shoot marbles without kneeling, tuck
a child in bed without bending, or even kiss a child
without a lot of stooping."
And God smiled and said, "Yes, but if I make him child
size, who would children have to look up to?"
And when God made a father's hands, they were large
and sinewy.
And the angel shook her head sadly and said, "Do You
know what You're doing? Large hands are clumsy. They
can't manage diaper pins, small buttons, rubber bands
on pony tails or even remove splinters caused by
baseball bats."
God smiled and said, "I know, but they're large enough
to hold everything a small boy empties from his pockets at
the end of a day, yet small enough to cup a child's face."
Then God molded long, slim legs and broad shoulders.
The angel nearly had a heart attack. "Boy, this is
end of the week, all right," she clucked. "Do You realize
You just made a father without a lap? How is he going to
pull a child close to him without the kid falling between
his legs?"
God smiled and said, "A mother needs a lap. A father
needs strong shoulders to pull a sled, balance a boy on a
bicycle or hold a sleepy head on the way home from the circus."
God was in the middle of creating two of the largest
feet anyone had ever seen when the angel could contain
herself no longer. "That's not fair. Do You honestly think
those large boats are going to dig out of bed early in the
morning when the baby cries? Or walk through a small birthday
party without crushing at least three of the guests?"
And God smiled and said, "They'll work. You'll see.
They'll support a small child who wants to "ride a
horse to Banbury Cross" or scare off mice at the summer
cabin, or display shoes that will be a challenge to fill."
God worked throughout the night, giving the father few
words, but a firm authoritative voice; eyes that see
everything, but remain calm and tolerant.
Finally, almost as an afterthought, He added tears.
Then He turned to the angel and said, "Now are you satisfied
that he can love as much as a mother?"
And the angel shutteth up!