prmama
06-17-03, 10:27 PM
Its about time this list came out....
>> >
>> > The Rules..... This time by Men.
>> >
>> > We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now
>> > here are the rules from the male side. These are
the rules!
>> > Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON
PURPOSE!
>> >
>> > 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big
girl. If it's up,
>>put
>> > it down. We need it up, you need it down. You
don't hear us
>>*****ing about
>> > you leaving it down.
>> >
>> > 1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are
not
>> > quests to see if we can find the perfect present
yet again!
>> >
>> > 1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live
with it.
>> >
>> > 1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always
more
>>attractive than
>> > short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear
getting
>> > married is that married women always cut their
hair, and by then
>>you're
>> > stuck with her.
>> >
>> > 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never
going
>> > to think of it that way.
>> >
>> > 1. Crying is blackmail.
>> >
>> > 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this
one:
>> > Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not
work! Obvious
>>hints do
>> > not work! Just say it!
>> >
>> > 1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and
anniversaries on
>>a
>> > calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
>> >
>> > 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops.
What makes you
>>think
>> > we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of
thirty, would
>>look good
>> > with
>> > your dress?
>> >
>> > 1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers
to almost every
>>question.
>> >
>> > 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want
help solving it.
>>That's
>> > what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are
for.
>> >
>> > 1. A headache that last for 17 months is a
problem.
>> > See a doctor.
>> >
>> > 1. Check your oil! Please.
>> >
>> > 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible
in an argument.
>>In
>> > fact, all comments become null and void after 7
days.
>> >
>> > 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't
>>expect us to
>> > act like soap opera guys.
>> >
>> > 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us. We
>>refuse to
>> > answer.
>> >
>> > 1. If something we said can be interpreted two
ways, and one of
>>the ways
>> > makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
>> >
>> > 1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's
genetic.
>> >
>> > 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell
us how you want
>>it done.
>> > Not both. If you already know best how to do it,
just do it
>>yourself.
>> >
>> > 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you
have to say during
>> > commercials.
>> >
>> > 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions,
and neither do
>>we.
>> >
>> > 1. The relationship is never going to be like it
was the first
>>two months
>> > we were going out. Get over it. And quit
>> > whining to your girlfriends.
>> >
>> > 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows
default settings.
>>Peach,
>>for
>> > example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also
a fruit. We
>>have no idea
>> > what mauve is.
>> >
>> > 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do
that.
>> >
>> > 1. We are not mind readers and we never will be.
Our lack of
>>mind-reading
>> > ability is not proof of how little we
>> > care about you.
>> >
>> > 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act
>>like
>> > nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is
>> > just not worth the hassle.
>> >
>> > 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer
to, expect an
>>answer you
>> > don't want to hear.
>> >
>> > 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely
anything you wear is
>>fine.
>> > Really.
>> >
>> > 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless
you are
>>prepared to
>> > discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun
>> > formation, or monster trucks.
>> >
>> > 1. You have enough clothes.
>> >
>> > 1. You have too many shoes.
>> >
>> > 1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
(Unless it's Bruce
>>Lee or
>> > some war flick where it doesn't really matter
what the hell
>>they're saying
>> > anyway.)
>> >
>> > 1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to
take the quiz
>>together.
>> > No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
>> >
>> > 1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for
you.
>> >
>> > 1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.
>> >
>> > 1. Stop Letting Your Very Unattractive Friend get
in our
>>business.
>> >
>> > Now...Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I
have to sleep
>>on the
>>couch
>> > tonight, but did you know that we really don't
mind that, it's
>>like
>> > camping.
I thought that we all need a good laugh.....
>> >
>> > The Rules..... This time by Men.
>> >
>> > We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now
>> > here are the rules from the male side. These are
the rules!
>> > Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON
PURPOSE!
>> >
>> > 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big
girl. If it's up,
>>put
>> > it down. We need it up, you need it down. You
don't hear us
>>*****ing about
>> > you leaving it down.
>> >
>> > 1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are
not
>> > quests to see if we can find the perfect present
yet again!
>> >
>> > 1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live
with it.
>> >
>> > 1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always
more
>>attractive than
>> > short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear
getting
>> > married is that married women always cut their
hair, and by then
>>you're
>> > stuck with her.
>> >
>> > 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never
going
>> > to think of it that way.
>> >
>> > 1. Crying is blackmail.
>> >
>> > 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this
one:
>> > Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not
work! Obvious
>>hints do
>> > not work! Just say it!
>> >
>> > 1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and
anniversaries on
>>a
>> > calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
>> >
>> > 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops.
What makes you
>>think
>> > we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of
thirty, would
>>look good
>> > with
>> > your dress?
>> >
>> > 1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers
to almost every
>>question.
>> >
>> > 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want
help solving it.
>>That's
>> > what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are
for.
>> >
>> > 1. A headache that last for 17 months is a
problem.
>> > See a doctor.
>> >
>> > 1. Check your oil! Please.
>> >
>> > 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible
in an argument.
>>In
>> > fact, all comments become null and void after 7
days.
>> >
>> > 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't
>>expect us to
>> > act like soap opera guys.
>> >
>> > 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us. We
>>refuse to
>> > answer.
>> >
>> > 1. If something we said can be interpreted two
ways, and one of
>>the ways
>> > makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
>> >
>> > 1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's
genetic.
>> >
>> > 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell
us how you want
>>it done.
>> > Not both. If you already know best how to do it,
just do it
>>yourself.
>> >
>> > 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you
have to say during
>> > commercials.
>> >
>> > 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions,
and neither do
>>we.
>> >
>> > 1. The relationship is never going to be like it
was the first
>>two months
>> > we were going out. Get over it. And quit
>> > whining to your girlfriends.
>> >
>> > 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows
default settings.
>>Peach,
>>for
>> > example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also
a fruit. We
>>have no idea
>> > what mauve is.
>> >
>> > 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do
that.
>> >
>> > 1. We are not mind readers and we never will be.
Our lack of
>>mind-reading
>> > ability is not proof of how little we
>> > care about you.
>> >
>> > 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act
>>like
>> > nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is
>> > just not worth the hassle.
>> >
>> > 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer
to, expect an
>>answer you
>> > don't want to hear.
>> >
>> > 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely
anything you wear is
>>fine.
>> > Really.
>> >
>> > 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless
you are
>>prepared to
>> > discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun
>> > formation, or monster trucks.
>> >
>> > 1. You have enough clothes.
>> >
>> > 1. You have too many shoes.
>> >
>> > 1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
(Unless it's Bruce
>>Lee or
>> > some war flick where it doesn't really matter
what the hell
>>they're saying
>> > anyway.)
>> >
>> > 1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to
take the quiz
>>together.
>> > No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
>> >
>> > 1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for
you.
>> >
>> > 1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.
>> >
>> > 1. Stop Letting Your Very Unattractive Friend get
in our
>>business.
>> >
>> > Now...Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I
have to sleep
>>on the
>>couch
>> > tonight, but did you know that we really don't
mind that, it's
>>like
>> > camping.
I thought that we all need a good laugh.....