Please Read

[mrod32]

I UNDERSTAND THIS IS A RATHER LONG POST BUT I REALLY NEED HELP ON THIS MATTER, AND EVERY POST WOULD BE REALLY APPRECIATED.


I honestly do not know where to begin this thread. Lately I have had a really important question on my mind and I think it is time to get it off my chest and ask some people who may be able to offer some advice. And I believe this is the best place to do just that. Ok this is a matter concerning the the big M word, Marriage. First I will give you guys and gals a little backround information. It all started more than three years ago when I met the girl I always wished would come into my life. It may sound corny but I swear it was love at first sight, I can remember the first time we locked eyes and how my heart just stopped, I just knew this was the one. Well this girl and I have been together ever since. Now I want you to know that this is not some fairy tale relationship where there are no problems or flaws. Trust me we have had lots of fights but never about the same thing, we have learned over time how to talk about our problems and over come them. We are very interdependent, we are a team that over comes obstacles together, I love this girl with ever inch of my body and I just really love our partnership together. Ok fast foward through the sappy stuff. I know this is the girl I wanna spend the rest of my life with, but I am unsure if we are ready for the commitment of the M word. I mean it is not the idea of me or her wanting another mate or any thing like that. I have left her for a year already while I went to college (http://www.leatherneck.com/forums/showthread.php?t=75271#) and trust me I did my share of partying there, but my love for her never lessened the time and distance just made me appreciate her even more. Ok fast foward some more the big thing is we are both unsure if at young age (20), and at a time where she is the process of obtaining a degree and making a way for herself if we are ready to be married. Now the plan was to always wait until she was on her own to feet before we took the dive. But she lives in a household with her mother and 3 other siblings, and the way she is treated and belittled by her mother is at the least very unhealty, depressing and detrimental to her self worth and being, and blossoming into an adult. Her mother takes out her problems with her husband ( he left her for another woman) on her on a regular basis. It is very sad to witness this. So knowing how much I love her and how I want to spend my life with her I am questioning if we should get Married so when I get out boot camp, and Mos school (http://www.leatherneck.com/forums/showthread.php?t=75271#) she could come live with me. Now I understand it is very likely that we will be seperated fo long periods of time. That is no issue. My main issue is that I want to get her out of the environment for which she has to endure everyday. This would be the only option in the near future for to be able to get out. Although it will not be for 6 mos. to a 1 yr., it will be the fastest way. I am willing to sacrifice extra money, hanging out with the fellas, all of it just to see her happy. I do not want to do this simply because I feel pity for her, which I do, I just know that this is the girl for me so I do not want to waste time when I am in a position to help. Now am not taking advantage of the USMC just to get married, trust me I have wanted to do this my entire life, I gave up my baseball scholarship and all , something which was vey hard to do because I have played my whole life, and I always wanted to pursue for as long as I could play. I just did not wanna sit around playing ball living care free while I witnessed so many people making sacrifices and giving back to their country. I did not wanna be around individuals who did not care about their country or were just unmotivated. So I walked into a recruiters office one day and said how soon can you ship me to boot camp. The rest is yet to be written. Now this is a very difficult predicament I'm and very impotant decision I must make. Should I tie the knot or what. All the advice and input on my situation would be greatly appreciated and helpful. And I know no better place to ask then on this website full Marines, no one else could possibly help me better than you guys and gals.

[Enigmatic]

Hit u up on open squadbay my latino hermano, fijate que escribi y mandame un mensaje privado....

holy crap my spanish improves ten fold when drunk!

[mrod32]

lol ya man i appreciate it too, i was just takin ur advice on posting it in this forum. but ima def. take u up ur offer about PMing you, i got a few questions

[mrod32]

p.s. brother, don't get to wasted you tonight

[0231Marine]

You're talking to a Marine...there is no such thing as too wasted! Where do you think the term "puking rally" came from? If you're still walking and talking coherently, you're not trying hard enough :)

[Enigmatic]

Ehhh...I woke up at 0500 this morning, no hang-over, no vomit or blood on my clothes, hell I had all my clothes on, the girl laying next to me was my daughter and not some random skank, and the dumbest thing I did last night was post a colorful thread in chesty's hooch about....well, if you can view it, view it....so no...did not get too wasted last night...not by our standards...

[TJR1070]

Mrod, My advice to you would be to talk to your recruiter and find out when the best timing would be, before shipping or after MOS school. If everything else you say is correct than I think any advice against marrying this girl would fall on deaf ears. Follow your heart no matter what, age does not dictate maturity, but make sure this what you both want for yourselves not just for "her situation" with her mother.

[Echo_Four_Bravo]

Too big of a wall of text, it was giving me a headache just trying to read it. I'll try again later. (Paragraphs are your friend!)

Until I can get through the thread, do a search on marriage. You'll see that most of us tell you bluntly that your chances of still being married after 4 years in the Marine Corps is slim. Every Marine here has seen people that feel just like you do end up divorced because they simply cannot take the stress of being a new Marine and a newlywed. Since you don't have a choice other than to deal with the Marine stuff, the marriage tends to suffer. Long periods of seperation, a wife in a strange place with no real friends, and money being tight all cause problems.

Of course, if it is something you have to do, then you're going to do it. So, best of luck.

[mrod32]

i guess only a Marine could be intoxified at 2 a.m. and than wake up at 5a.m. and be just fine. but ya I am sorry this was a real long post, and next time i'll make sure to use paragraphs i just felt like i had to explain the situation as best as i could. but i def. think i'm gonna talk to my recruiter about the timing and when would be best is his view.

[Echo_Four_Bravo]

An important thing to think about is that you may not be afforded leave after your MOS school. If that is the case, she would have to come to you to get married. That would also mean a wait to get base housing, etc. If that is something she is willing to do, it would likely be the best answer. If not, getting married before boot camp is probably your best bet.

[yellowwing]

Manny, I think you are assuming that she can't endure in that household anymore. Sure it would be nice and noble and heroic and all. She may have her own reasons to stay. She may rather endure her stress so that the other family members would not have to so much.

Have a few long talks with her about her environment. Sometimes when women talk, they just want to "Vent" and are not looking for suggestions at all.

Don't jump into options at first, just listen to her.

[mrod32]

so far all of your advice is great, they seem very helpful and i am definately going to try it. the thing is the way she is treated compared to the rest of her siblings is night and day. her mom sees her father in her which she hates. i just do not wanna set myself up for failure, i wanna wait until we are both financially capable of being on our own. but i just dont wanna her to be in such an environment that is detrimental to her growth.

[Marine84]

Is she at least 18? If not, leave her alone, she's jailbait.

Don't try to be a knight in shining armor and take her out of something you may not have the proper perspective on. Moms and daughters NEVER get along once the girls hit their teens. My Mom was harder on me than she ever was with my brother JUST because I WAS a girl. She said it was because she had messed up and gotten married at 17 (for crying out loud!) - dropped out of high school, the whole nine yards and she was hell bent on me NOT going down that same path. Maybe hers is trying to do the same thing.

If you really feel the need to help her - put her in a hotel or take her to a shelter. Geez boy, you don't HAVE to marry her! You're ONLY 19!

[SlingerDun]

i wanna wait until we are both financially capable of being on our ownThere ya go, damn good idea! Rarely happens but sensible approachhttp://www.leatherneck.com/forums/images/icons/icon14.gif and a good opportunity to see if she can not only hack but has a legitimate plan to improve her situation other than rescue marriage.
i just dont wanna her to be in such an environment that is detrimental to her growth.I have no idea of your net worth but it would appear that you're not in a great position for changing lives for the better right now.

Let the girl deal with her life while you're both trying to establish a place in this world. If she does have a plan and at least tries hard achieve it, she'll gain character and may be worth marrying, someday.

--->Dave

[oifvet23]

Man after the first sentence all I could read was "could i have wahhhh burger with a side of french cries" are your basically asking if we think you should get married?

[mrod32]

ya im just for some opinions based on my situation.

but yes Marine84, she is atleast she is 20.

[NoRemorse]

I'll be damned, I couldn't read all that. I'm married now and want to reenlist. We're also having a kid. We're already independent and that's the way to go.

I got involved with a female Marine while I was enlisted and it didn't end well. Wasn't cause we were Marines; it was because we were young and stupid.

Yeah, I know, young and stupid are redundant. There's always an exception but there ain't no exceptions in the Corps. Marriages that occur during the first year in the service usually don't end well.

Them's the statistics; go with the financially capable thing. That usually means you'll be mature enough to handle the majority of situations that come your way.... ah who am I kidding?

As soon as I read something about getting her out of that household I remembered the words of SSgt. Whetstine:

"Who are you, Captain Save-A-Ho?"

[oifvet23]

yea dude you ever heard of a "meal ticket" and ask yourself how you feel about your first divorce, The corps is too hard on a young marriage to endure, sure its not unheard of but the deck is stacked so high that if you breath the house will fall, it better to wait and see if your relationship can stand up to boot camp first, pick up a news paper, we are the smallest branch with the highest divorce rate.

[mrod32]

ya all the stats go against gettting married at such a young age and ecspecially during the first years of my enlistment. so right now im leaning towards waiting a little longer, i just wanna be able to make it work. i know there will be struggles but i do not wanna make it even harder by being broke and young and dumb. but that quote at the end is hillarious