Leaving in January, just told Mom

[cuzzo333]

Just needed somewhere to get this off of my chest and I am sure some others have experienced this.

I DEP'd in on Sept. 11, telling my mom the night before MEPs about what I was doing, etc. She willingly supplied the papers I needed for MEPs but refused to speak to me for almost a week. She told me there is no room in her mind for trying to understand why I want to become a Marine, let alone volunteer to join "them". She started talking to me again and eventually everything returned to normal. My attendance of Saturday Poolee events was referred to as "going to train", otherwise there was no mention about the Marines from either of us.

I told her tonight that my ship date is set for January 5th and that I will be going on that date, not that I plan on going that day. We had a brief argument, actually it was mostly her telling me why it was the worst decision I could make. She told me she thought I was going to wait until after college or at least until the summer. She also told me that this was the "happy recruiting time" and of course I wanted to go ASAP. Everything seems great right now because I am attending Poolee events and getting buddy buddy with the recruiters but that all of this would change as soon as "they have me" and I am theirs for good. She insisted that my plans for staying in the Reserves until I get my degree would fall through because once the Marines have me they will throw me into the active enlisted regardless of what my contract currently says. I responded that this isn't the way things will happen, that my contract says Reservist and thats where I will go (I didn't tell her I really have no objection to being activated). I have tried to tell her about what the Reserves actually are, that I have researched when my planned unit ships out and that I will get my degree before then but it seems her mind is full of main stream news about reservists being called up "whenever the government wants to call them" and Hollywood movies such as Stop Loss.

While I realize that a large part of her anger stems from being scared about the term "Marine" and its association with the current conflicts, I can't help but be frustrated that she won't let me explain to her whats actually going on, about why I want to do this and that its what I want for my life, at least right now. I want her to know that this isn't something I rushed into, that I have been thinking about this for years, researching and reading so that when I did sign the papers it was under the best light possible. She grew up during the anti-Vietnam era and protested the war alot, even going so far as being arrested a few times. She has always voiced her support for the troops but it has always been a support them but dont join them mentality.

Anyways, I dont expect any sort of replies, this is mostly just someplace to vent. To be honest, I am not angry at her anger but have accepted her anger for what it is and that for a long time it will not go away. I am 22 years old and realize I need to start doing what I want to do, even if it means upsetting the person who has raised me single parent style for the past 12 years. I haven't told my mom yet that I have the privilege of having my MOS set as and trying out for Recon if I earn the title of Marine. I haven't told her that when I leave in January I will be back on leave periodically but that my training will most likely take up to a year if everything goes well and I become a Marine. She again is refusing to speak to me.

Thanks to anybody who reads this. January can't come soon enough. :usmc:

[futurepoole08]

Matt, I know what you're going through. In a way at least. My mom about cut my head off when I told her I was going to transfer my medical documents from the Navy (long storry short, was doing what made her happy not me) over to the Marines. The recruiter which has become a good friend came and talked to her. Brought along one of the Poolee's. My mom has a habit of running recruiters out of the house, and literally. Two of my brothers are Marines, and she says it has done nothing but brought them down the wrong path. She basically flat out told the recruiter if I was to get my medical through to official DEP in that she was basically going to kick me out. And the recruiter told her that he would find me a place to live if it came to that. That was back in late October when he came to my house. My medical is still vending, but she is starting to come to accept that this is my choice, and something I have wanted since visiting my brothers in North Carolina. I was around 8 at the time. She does not like it, would rather me go Navy or Air Force, but she is accepting it. You mother will come around bro.

[egbutler1]

Hey bro I can understand. But it is your life and I know you don't want to upset your mom but you got to do what it is that you want to do. My parents were not that supportive and I enlisted before 9/11 or the GWOT. The best you can do Is just show her what Marines are by becoming one. If she still refuses to speak to you after that, well that is her loss. Best of luck to you in the new year. Kill bodies!

Cpl. Butler, Emerson (0311 OIF Combat Veteran)

[AviatorDog]

Just hang in there and do what YOU want to do.

I had also planned on going to college but had for a long time growing up wanted to join the Marines. When I told her I planned to DEP in she seemed OK with it and even told me to do what I wanted to do and not to let others make my decisions for me. Well that was thrown out the door when the recruiter arrived. After sitting there making smart arse remarks while the recruiter talked she finally gave in and signed the papers. But instead of her not talking to me for a week she just left for a week to Arizona, no phone calls or anything. She came back but when it was time for me to go to MEPs she once again took another week off in Arizona, haha. Since then though shes come to the fact that im leaving for boot in June wether she likes it or not. Though she has tried to sway me into other jobs besiudes the military but im not budging in the least. Thankfully she has yet to find out the MOS I really signed for (03xx). Shes a heart patient, has high blood pressure, and isnt exactly young anymore so I'll just wait until she finds out on her own, and hopefully that will be quite some time. Hell, hopefully she doesnt find out at all (unlikely), I wouldnt want to be a factor in my mothers death!

Anyways, its my decision that im going to live with for four years. Why should someone tell me what they want me to do for a living, I want to do something im going to enjoy! Tim to push mom and dad aside for the time being if they dont want to see it my way.

[TJR1070]

I have a feeling that on the day you recieve your Eagle, Globe and Anchor your Mom will have a completely different opinion.

[dizark]

Cuzzo, tell her you're leaving the same day as me! :P

Best of luck to you and as said before, I think she'll turn around when you earn your Eagle, Globe, and Anchor. Hope to see you there!

[fox223]

This sounds all too familiar. I am also 22 and when I was a senior in high school I decided I wanted to join the Marine Reserves. When I told my parents they had mixed feelings. My dad, a retired combat engineer, was proud and understood why I wanted to join. My mom lost it and said the EXACT same things it sounds like your mom is saying. She gave me hell for a month straight, and I caved. At their request, I went to college instead of into the Marines. And I've regretted it ever since. I've sat back and watched two of my good friends leave for boot... then come back as Marines... then deploy to Iraq... then come back as combat vets. The whole time I'm envious as hell, and ****ed at my mom and myself for not doing what I wanted to do. Then I finally realized that 99.9% of the people I talk to are not going to understand why I want to join. But as long as I know that's what I want, and am confident in my decision, that's all that really matters.

[Achped]

Your mom will be proud of you, give it time.

[Enigmatic]

Hey, I've been out for a year and my mom STILL has bad things to say about my joining. But in the end, I know she's only upset that I wasn't there the previous four years. It's just hard for moms to let go, that's all.

[cuzzo333]

Thanks for the words everybody.

We sat down tonight and had an angry but non-yelling argument. The main concern she has is why I have to go in January and not finish college first. I have a year left (although with the state budget cuts, its debatable if I will be able to get many classes) and she can't understand why I don't just wait, get my degree and go the officer route. I gave her the talk about even being in the Reserves will help pay for my tuition and that I am doing it because I WANT to. Other than that I don't have any reason to go in January other than I can't wait to be a Marine.

Her biggest fear is that I will end up like my dad who never got his degree after getting out of the Air Force during Vietnam. I can't bring myself to tell her that I hate the whole college process so much that I am barely passing my classes. My argument that maybe bootcamp and 6 months or more of training will probably make me more disciplined didn't fly.

So right now I guess I need to come up with good reasons for leaving in January, although MY reasons are that I want to and thats basically it. Thanks again for your replies, it really put my mind to ease.

[Scottie0417]

cuzzo333, I guarantee you that if you leave for boot with your Mom being unsupportive/against your decision, that will all change while you're there. My dad is not the type of guy that will criticize my decisions but I could definitely tell he was upset about me enlisting. I got a letter from my mom while I was half way through boot telling me that whenever my dad would talk to his friends or someone new that he met, he just had to make it a point that I was becoming a Marine. He made a complete 180 degree turn once he saw me as a Marine and became 100% supportive of me. Your mother will do exactly the same thing. It may seem like she doesn't want you to join now but when you're gone she'll truly realize the sacrifices that you're making to serve your country and she will definitely be proud of you. Good luck to you, I hope to call you my brother someday soon. Semper Fi

[spotts]

It will all blow over. It has taken 19 years for my parents to realize that me becoming a Marine was what I had to do when I was 18.

[PaidinBlood]

Hell, man-sounds like you need to call your recruiter right the **** now and get your contract switched to active duty. It is obvious you need to cut that cord and get some space. Good on you for standing up for yourself, but do it all the way man. Get that tuition assistance and finish that degree without touching your GI bill. I only used it to take language classes but you can get a complete degree here. Only you know what's right for you, but I think you'll regret staying home man. (Nothing against our part-time brothers, mind you. ;-) )

[COFields]

When do you ship in January?

I go the 12th.
My mom was the same way man, now she's all cool about it. But for a few weeks she wanted EVERY ANSWER to EVERY QUESTION! And if i didnt answer it really in depth, she would get all butt hurt. Haha. "So what'd you do today at the recruiter's office?".. "oh nothing, just the same old stuff, paperwork"...

Then she'd walk away with the ****ed face. Haha.

[MarinesFTW]

Hey man at least your Mom knows your going... My friend who went to college then dropped out, went to boot camp and was getting sent to Iraq still hadn't told his Mom that he was in the Marines... To this day she thinks hes on trip for work... LOL

[cuzzo333]

Hey man at least your Mom knows your going... My friend who went to college then dropped out, went to boot camp and was getting sent to Iraq still hadn't told his Mom that he was in the Marines... To this day she thinks hes on trip for work... LOL

Haha thats some good ****. "Hi Mom, how was your day" "Good, did I just hear gunshots in the background?" "Yea sorry, the T.V. was turned way up".

Believe me PaidinBlood, I am thinking very hard about active duty but really only have about 2 semesters until I get my degree, though that is counting on the cash strapped CSU system having the classes available. You are right though, after 22 years at home I do need some space and im amazed I didn't say screw it and sign up years ago. I'll have to ask and research about the tuition assistance. I know that there are both but not sure which is better to use (assistance or GI bill) in what situation, what applies to what, etc. I'm sure my recruiter can clear those questions up.

COfields, I ship on the 5th of January but I am trying to see if it will be possible to get it pushed back to the 12th.

[yellowwing]

Cuzzo, we are "Them". We take care of our own better than anyone else. Once you earn that Eagle Globe and Anchor, its a Lifetime Merit. The stuff we'll teach you will enhance your life beyond the years you actively serve.

Its good that you have this close mature relationship with your Mom. Being and "older guy" you'll probably be a Squad Leader in Boot Camp. Read up on all the poolee messages that you can to get prepared.

PT swim and study up!

[PaidinBlood]

I'll have to ask and research about the tuition assistance. I know that there are both but not sure which is better to use (assistance or GI bill) in what situation, what applies to what, etc. I'm sure my recruiter can clear those questions up.

For once, a poolee WANTS to ask his recruiter first! As a reward, I'll just tell ya. No seriously, you can't even compare TA and the GI Bill. TA is a max of $4500/yr for FREE. I've done it. Your command signs a letter promising your schedule allows that class, then you get a voucher to give your school. At the end of the semester, report your grades and keep the credit. Does not cover books, however.

[TJR1070]

Cuzzo, If you go active duty it will depend on your deployment schedule if you would be able to finish those two semesters before the end of a four year enlistment. If you are stationed in garrison it would depend on the college and your own work schedule to determine if you would be able to complete the credits. I took one college class on ship but other than that when you are deployed there aren't usually classes available. On the reserve side you would have the best opportunity to finish your degree, as scheduling and availability becomes easier, however I understand that doesn't address the financial obligations you or your college may not be able to meet. The Marine Corps will pay 75% of the tuition for any courses you take while on active duty but I don't know how reimbursement works. The G.I. Bill has to be used within 10 years of discharge or the gov't takes back the money. It can be used for vocational training or college courses, you complete three attendance cards a semester for each professor and submit them and then you will get a check for a percentage of what you paid that semester.

My advice is figure out which way you want to go active or reserve and then worry about your degree, unless your plans are to go into the reserve as enlisted and get into an officer program once you finish your degree, that might be another option you might want to look at. If you want to do your first enlistment as enlisted then just decide active or reserve and the college thing will sort itself out. There are also programs that will let you get or finish a degree and then start the process of becoming an officer after a term as an enlisted Marine. Search some of those items in the forums and see if it helps your desicion.

[PaidinBlood]

The Marine Corps will pay 75% of the tuition for any courses you take while on active duty but I don't know how reimbursement works.

This is the Tuition Assistance I was talking about, except it is now 100% and is NOT reimbursement; it is a voucher. Good point, though, your assignment would affect your chances of completing schooling. I only took two night school courses and only got a good grade because the teacher was willing to work with me on scheduling. We were building up for a deployment, though, and even in the grunts that is changing. More and more priority is being given to schooling but your duty does come first. Didn't mean to tell you how to live your life, boss. Good luck and keep us updated... :usmc:

[TJR1070]

This is the Tuition Assistance I was talking about, except it is now 100% and is NOT reimbursement; it is a voucher.

Thanks for clarifying Bro, my info was definitely outdated.

[PaidinBlood]

Constantly changing. By the time I wrote it, I'll bet it has changed...

[buffa1oso1di3r]

Woah... that sounds exactly like what my mom will do. She knows I want to join the Marines, and she's saying: "You're throwing your life away. You're wasting your mind."

Then, my dad found out, and he may try to use the whole: "Last son with family name" scheme to block it... when it happens.

It's pretty hard to convince a former Captain (My mom) and a Sergeant Major (My dad, both Army) that the military is right for you.

[CplHawk]

I gotta tell ya bro, I was in somewhat of the same boat as you. When I told my parents that I had enlisted they were ****ed (partly because I had tricked them into signing the papers since I was only 17; but that's a story for another time) but mostly my mom was scared. There were times when she wouldn't talk to me either, but I gotta tell you this: the best feeling in the world was when I was on that parade deck, received the Eagle, Globe, and Anchor, and was able to hug my mom while she was crying and saying "you did it!"